Clerks. Page #6

I'm not happy, but I'll be able to deal.

- [ Sucking Sound ]

- Why don't you go back

to the video store ?

- You had to tell him ?

- l had to tell someone.

He put it into perspective.

- What did he say ?

- He said at least he wasn't 36.

And that made you feel better ?

And he said most of them were college

guys l never even seen or met before.

- The ostrich syndrome:

If you don't see it--

- it isn't there. Yes.

- Thank you for being rational.

- Thank you for the lasagna.

- Couldn't get the shutters open ?

- No.

I called the locksmith.

He said the earliest he could

be here is tomorrow morning.

Bummer. Well, l gotta

head back for the 1:30 class.

- What time you get finished ?

- 8:
00, but l have

a sorority meeting 'til 9:00.

So, I'll see you when you close then.

Can we go out for coffee ?

- Sure.

- Good.

See you when you close.

Enjoy the lasagna.

[ Door Opens, Closes ]

[ Sucking Sound ]

Vermont ?

No, that can't be.

I just talked to him this morning.

He left at what time ?

He really went to Vermont ? When

the hell was someone going to tell me?

He promised me he'd be here by noon !

Jesus, when does he get back ? Tuesday ?

You've gotta be f***ing kidding me !

I've got a hockey game at 2:00, and

the steel shutters are jammed closed.

And he's in Vermont ?

I'm not even supposed to be here today !

[ Sighing ]

So I'm stuck here until closing ?

Oh, this is just great.

I can't f***ing believe this.

Th--

No. No, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to yell at you.

Yeah, l know.

No, l-I'll be all right.

Well, that's all l can do, right ?

Yeah.

- All right, thanks. Bye.

- Vermont ?

- Can you f***ing believe this ?

- He didn't mention that to you

this morning ?

Not a word !

Not a f***ing word, that slippery sh*t.

- So, what ? You're stuck here all day ?

- F*** !

- Why'd you apologize ?

- What ?

I heard you apologize. Why ? You had

every reason in the world to be mad.

- l know !

- Jesus ! That seems to be

the leitmotif in your life.

- Ever backing down.

- l don't back down !

You always back down.

You assume blame that's not yours.

You come in on your day off;

you buckle like a belt.

- You know what really pisses me off ?

- That I'm right about your buckling ?

- I'm going to miss the f***ing game !

- Because you buckled.

- Shut up with that sh*t.

It ain't helping !

- Don't yell at me, pal.

- I'm sorry.

- See ? There you go again.

- l can't believe

I'm going to miss the f***ing game.

- At least we're stuck here together.

You got a customer.

What ?

What do you want ?

I can't f***ing believe this.

Yeah, hello, Sanford.

Dante.

I can't play today.

I'm stuck at work.

Yeah, l know I'm not scheduled today--

Forget it.

Point is, l can't play today.

Neither can Randal. He's working too.

Wait a second.

Do we have to play at the park ?

Hold on.

You feeling limber ?

- Pull my laces tighter, man.

- I've got to tell you, my friend,

this is one of the most ballsiest moves

I've ever been privy to.

I never thought you capable of such

a blatant disregard of store policy.

- l told him l had a game today.

It's his own fault.

- No arguments here.

- insubordination rules.

- l just want to play hockey

Like l was scheduled to.

- I'm gonna grab a Gatorade.

- lf you grab a Gatorade,

then everybody's gonna grab one.

- So ?

- Who's gonna pay for these Gatorades ?

- What do you care,

you shoe polish-smelling motherf***er ?

- l have a responsibility here.

- l can't have everybody

grabbing free drinks.

- What responsibility ?

- You're closing the store

to play hockey.

- He's blunt, but he's got a point.

Will you let me maintain

some semblance of managerial control ?

No, I'm sayin'

if you're gonna be insubordinate,

might as well go the full nine,

not p*ssy out

when it comes to free sh*t to drink.

- He's right. As if we're going

to have a run on Gatorade.

- F***in' A.

All right !

Jesus, you f***ers are pushy !

- l hear Caitlin's

marrying an Asian drum major.

- Design major.

- Can we not talk about this ?

- Fine by me.

But you're living in denial

and suppressing rage, motherf***er.

- You going to lock the store ?

- l don't know.

You're going to lock the video store ?

Look who you're asking here.

How're we gonna block the street ?

- We're not playing in the street.

- Then where are we gonna play ?

Hit 'em, hit 'em, hit 'em !

[ Yelling ]

I got it ! l got it !

It's mine, it's mine !

Yeah !

[ Yelling Continues ]

Hit 'em !

All right, here we go.

I got it.

- When is this period over ?

- Eight more minutes.

What, are you shitting me ?

I wanna get cigarettes.

- Just wait a few minutes.

- I'm gonna break my crazy neck

on this ladder.

Now, lose the skates, Dorothy Hamill,

and open the f***ing store !

- Dante, where are you ?

- He's busy !

- in a second !

F*** ""in a second"" !

Oh, look at you. You can't even pass.

- [ Dante ] l can pass !

- How about covering the point ?

Man, you suck !

- Who are you to make assessments ?

- I'll assess all l want, pal !

- Dante, you in or out ?

- Don't pass to this guy.

He sucks. You suck !

- Like you're any better ?

- l can whip your ass any day, pal.

- Easy to say over there.

- Give me a stick, pretty boy !

I'll knock your f***ing teeth out

and pass all over your ass !

- You open ?

- Yeah, you open ?

[ Together ]

No !

All right, there's a stick over there.

You're shooting up against this goal.

Hey, Redding ! Come on.

Get this f***er !

Oh, man ! Hey !

Come on. Let's go, let's go !

Come on, come on. Get him !

Come on. Get him, get him !

- Give me another ball.

- There are no more.

What the f*** you talking about ?

How many balls you bring ?

I brought the orange one

and... the orange one.

Hey, any balls down there ?

[ Jay ] About the biggest pair

you ever seen, dingleberry.

- You only brought one ball ?

- l thought Redding

brought all the balls.

- [ Redding ] Dante had the balls.

- Nobody has another ball ?

Sh*t !

We got what, 12 minutes of a game

and it's over ? F*** !

F***, f***, f*** !

I'm not even supposed to be here today.

I still get free Gatorade, right ?

- Be careful.

- I'm trying.

You know, the insides of those has

got stuff that can give you cancer.

- So I'm told.

- Yeah.

I had a friend that chewed glass

for a living. in the circus.

- And he got cancer

from chewing fluorescent bulb glass ?

- Nah.

- Got hit by a bus.

- Oh. Can l help you ?

Well, uh, that depends.

You got maybe a toilet in here ?

- Yeah, but it's for employees only.

- l understand.

But l, uh, thought maybe

you'd let me use it anyway.

I'm not so young anymore and I'm,

how do you say, a little incontinent.

- Sure. in the back, through the cooler.

- Thank you, sonny boy.

Say, uh, what kind of toilet paper

you got back there ?

- The white kind.

- l didn't ask about the color.

I mean, is it rough

or is it cottony ?

- Actually, it's kinda rough.

- Oh, boy !

It's gonna knock the hell

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