Clerks. Page #9

I was gonna tell you,

but we were getting along so well,

I didn't wanna mess it up.

You could've broken it to me gently.

You could've started

by telling me you had a boyfriend.

I told you l had a girlfriend.

I know. I'm sorry,

but when we started talking,

it was like l forgot l had a boyfriend.

- And then he proposed last month.

- And you said yes.

Well, kind of. Sort of.

Is that what they teach you in that

school of yours ? ""Kind of,"" ""sort of"" ?

Everybody knows about this except me !

Do you know how humiliating that is ?

I would've told you, and you would've

stopped calling me, like a baby.

- How do you know that ?

- Because l know you.

You prefer drastic measures

to rational ones.

- So you're really getting married ?

- No.

- You're not really getting married ?

- [ Scoffs ]

The story goes like this: He proposed,

I told him l had to think about it,

and he insisted

that l wear the ring anyway.

Then my mother told the paper

we were engaged.

- Oh, how like her.

- Then my mother called this morning...

to let me know that

the announcement was in the paper.

That's when l hopped a train

to come back here,

because l knew you'd be a wreck.

- Thanks for the vote of confidence.

- Was l right ?

""Wreck"" is a harsh term.

""Disturbed"" is more like it.

""Mildly disturbed,"" even.

Oh, l love a macho facade.

It is such a turn-on.

- What smells like shoe polish ?

- So you came here to what ?

To comfort me ?

The last thing l needed was for you to

think l was hiding something from you.

- But you were !

- No, l wasn't ! Not really.

I told you

I'd been seeing other people.

Yeah, but not seriously. Christ,

you're ready to walk down the aisle.

I think that constitutes something

more than just seeing somebody.

- What's going on ?

- I'm giving him his ring back.

- What ?

- [ Sighs ] l don't want to marry him.

I don't want to get married now.

I'm on the verge of graduation.

I want to go to grad school after this,

and then l want to start a career.

I don't want to be a wife first

and then have to worry about...

when I'm gonna

fit in the other stuff.

I have come way too far

and studied too damn hard...

to let my education

go to waste as a housewife.

And l know

that's what I'd become.

Sang's just signed with a major firm,

and he's gonna be pulling in

a huge salary,

which would give me

no reason to work.

- He's very traditional.

- Wait a minute.

- His name is ""Sang"" ? Past tense ?

- Stop it. He's a nice guy.

Well, if he's so nice,

why aren't you marrying him ?

- l just told you.

- There's more to this, isn't there ?

Oh ! Why, Mr. Hicks,

whatever do you mean ?

- Tell me l don't

have something to do with it.

- You have nothing to do with it.

- Oh, you lie !

- Look how full of yourself you are !

I just believe in giving credit

where credit's due,

and l believe I'm the impetus

behind your refusal to wed.

If I'm so nuts about you, then why am l

having sex with an Asian design major ?

Oh, Jesus. You're so caustic.

I had to knock you down

from that cloud you were floating on.

When l say l don't want to get married,

I mean just that.

I don't want to marry anybody.

Not for years.

Who's asking ?

I don't want to marry you.

Well, good.

Keep in that frame of mind.

- Well, let's date.

- Oh, l think Sang and... Veronica,

they'd love that.

We can introduce the two of them.

They may hit it off.

You're serious ?

You wanna date again ?

I wanna be your boyfriend, yes.

It's just the shock of seeing me

after three years.

- Believe me, you'll get over it.

- Give me a bit more credit.

I think it's time

we got back together.

I'm more mature, you're more mature.

You're finishing college.

- I'm already in the job market.

- You work in a market, all right.

Cute. Tell me you wouldn't

wanna go out with me again...

after all the talking we've been doing.

The key word here is ""talk,"" Dante.

I think the idea,

or the conception of us dating,

is a lot more idyllic than

what actually happens when we date.

What are we supposed to do ?

Pretend over the phone we're dating ?

I don't know.

Maybe we should just see what happens.

- Let me take you out tonight.

- On a date ?

Yeah, a real date.

Dinner and a movie.

Oh, the ""Dante Hicks

Dinner and Movie"" date.

- l think I've been on that one before.

- Do you have a better suggestion ?

Well, how 'bout the ""Caitlin Bree...

Walk On The Boardwalk, Then Get

Naked Somewhere"" kind of private date ?

- l hear that's kind of a popular date.

- Jerk !

God, here l am, throwing myself at you,

succumbing to your wily charms,

and you're calling me a slut

in so many words.

- What about Sing ?

- Sang !

- He's not invited.

- He's your fianc.

I'm offering you my body,

and you're offering me semantics.

He's just a boyfriend, Dante, and

in case you haven't gotten the drift...

of why l came all the way here

from Ohio--

Duh ! I'm about

to become single again.

And, yes,

allow me to placate your ego.

You are the inspiration

for this bold and momentous decision...

that will probably get me ostracized

from both school and home.

You ask me who l choose.

I choose you.

- So, what are you saying ?

- You are such an a**hole.

- I'm just kidding !

- l can already see

this is not gonna work out.

- I'll ask Randal to close up

when he gets back.

- Where is he, anyway ?

I thought he'd be at your side

Like an obedient lapdog.

He went to go rent a movie.

He isn't back yet.

Ah, screw it.

I'll close up and leave him a note.

You are too responsible.

But no, l have to go home first.

They don't even know

I've left school yet.

And l should break

the disengagement news to my mother,

which is gonna cause quite a row

considering she loves Sang.

- Who doesn't ?

- Well, me, l guess.

[ Sighs ] So l shall

take my leave of you,

but l will return in a little while,

at which time, yes, l would love to

go for dinner and a movie with you.

What happened to the walk

and the nakedness ?

I'm easy, but I'm not that easy.

See you later, handsome.

Yes !

MUSICMUSIC [ Hip-Hop ]

- Get to work.

- Hey, what'd you rent ?

Best of Both Worlds ?

Hermaphroditic porn.

Starlets with both organs.

You should see the box. Beautiful chicks

with d*cks that put mine to shame.

- And you rented this ?

- Hey, l like to expand my horizons.

- l got fined

for selling cigarettes to a minor.

- No way.

- Five hundred dollars.

- You're bullshittin'.

No, I'm not.

Holy sh*t ! l didn't even

think they enforced this.

- Living proof.

- l thought you never

sold cigarettes to kids.

- l didn't. You did.

- Really ?

Yep. A little girl,

maybe four years old.

- Holy sh*t ! That girl ?

- Yeah, as opposed to hundreds

of other children...

you've sold cigarettes

while working here.

- Then how come you got the fine ?

- 'Cause I'm here.

- You're lyin'.

- No, I'm not.

- Why aren't you screaming at me now ?

- 'Cause I'm happy.

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