Clerks II Page #8

# And why two plus two|makes four #

# Now, now, now,|I'm gonna teach you #

# Teach you, teach you #

# All about love, girl #

# All about love #

# Sit yourself down... #

Okay, you really do suck.|Sit down.

Told you.

Just watch me, all right?

# A, B, C #

# Easy as one, two, three #

# As simple as do, re, mi #

# A, B, C, one, two, three #

# Baby, you and me, girl #

# A, B, C #

# Easy as one, two, three #

# As simple as do, re, mi #

# A, B, C, one, two, three #

# Baby, you and me, girl #

# Come on and love me|just a little bit #

# I'm gonna teach you|how to sing it out #

# Come on, come on, come on #

# Let me show you|what it's all about #

# Reading, writing, arithmetic #

# Are the branches|of the learning tree #

# But without the roots|of love every day, girl #

# Your education|ain't complete #

# Tea-Tea-Tea-Teacher's|gonna show you #

# She's gonna show you #

# How to get an "A" #

# Na-na-na-na-na-na #

# How to spell "me," "you,"|add the two #

# Listen to me, baby,|that's all you got to do #

# Oh, A, B, C #

# It's easy as one, two, three #

# As simple as do, re, mi #

# A, B, C, one, two, three #

# Baby, you and me, girl #

# A, B, C, it's easy #

# It's like counting|up to three #

# Singing simple melodies #

# That's how easy love can be #

# That's how easy|love can be #

# Singing simple melodies #

# One, two, three, you and me! #

# Yeah! #

- "(Silent Bob mouthing)"|- # Sit down, girl #

# I think I love you #

# No, get up, girl #

# Show me what you can do #

# Shake it, shake it, baby #

# Come on, now #

# Shake it, shake it, baby #

# Ooh, ooh, shake it,|shake it, baby, yeah #

# One, two, three, baby #

# Ooh, ooh, A, B, C, baby #

# Na, na, do, re, mi, baby #

# Now that's how easy|love can be #

- GROUP:
# Whoo! #|- # A, B, C, it's easy #

# It's like counting|up to three #

# Singing simple melodies #

# That's how easy love can be #

# Teacher's gonna teach you|how to sing it out #

# Come on, come on, come on #

# Let me show you|what it's all about #

# A, B, C, it's easy #

# It's like counting|up to three... #

I love you, Becky.

# Singing simple melodies... #

I'm pregnant, Dante.

# That's how easy... #

(gasps, grunts)

Oh!

(door creaking)

(door bangs shut)

I'm having second thoughts.

About your sexuality?

About going to Florida.

Yeah, right.

Why now, all of a sudden?

Becky's pregnant.

She is?

Huh.

So, what, are you afraid you're|gonna miss the baby shower?

I'm the father.

This sucks, man.

I have pelvic piss syndrome|like a motherf***er,

so be really f***ing quiet.

Ew, dude, don't try|looking at my dick.

- JAY:
What the f***?|- RANDAL: What?

Should we have|left that guy in there?

Oh, f*** him! How the f***|did you father a child

with a chick|that's not your fiance?!

Holy sh*t!

She got pregnant|off the toilet seat

you jerked off onto!

I f***ing knew it!

No, we had sex one night|after work, a few weeks ago.

What?! Where?!

Here, on the prep station table.

Ew! That's my prep table.

I don't know what to do.

What did Beck say?

She says she wants to have it.

Oh, my God, so she wants|you to break it off

- with Emma and marry her?|- No.

She's gonna tell Emma?

No!

Wait a second...|then what's the problem?

- Are you that dense?|- I'm serious.

If Becks isn't busting|your balls about it,

what's the big deal?

You could still|go down to Florida

and live happily ever after.

Knowing I have a love child|up in Jersey?!

How the f*** do you always have,

like, two good-Iooking|girls who want you?

You're the most|hideous f***ing CHUD

I've ever met,|and you always have

a pair of girls|fighting over you.

Listen, you can never tell|anybody about this.

Who am I gonna tell?

I'm serious, Randal!|And not just for me.

Becky says she doesn't want|anybody to know.

Then what'd you tell me for?

Look, you've f***ed me over|in the past,

but this is huge.

This is serious!

Promise me that you'll|keep your mouth shut,

because if you f*** me over|this time,

I swear to God, I will beat|the sh*t out of you.

(laughs):
|You and what army?

I'm serious!

I'm serious, too.|You and what army?

Promise me!

All right!|Get off of me, you nut!

JAY:
|What the f***?!

Can I talk to you for a minute?

Oh, yeah, sure.|Uh, we were just...

May your first child|be a masculine child.

(huffs)

Becky!

Randal!

She was sweating me.|It just came out.

Ow! Sh*t!

You swung at me!

- You ducked!|- Because you swung at me!

Damn it!

Where's Becky?

She just left.

I need help here, Mr. Dante.

I can't wrap good,|and Randal ate the last pickles.

You f***ing snitch.

I'm sorry, Randal.|I'm sorry.

Becky!

Maybe she went to get|a home pregnancy test

just to be sure.

How the f***|could this day get any worse?

Well, what the f***|are you doing, man?!

Follow her!

You-you think?

You're darn right, I do.

You two have got|to work this out.

Follow her, talk|to her for an hour,

then come back here.

An hour?!

L-I've found that any|more time than that,

you run the risk of saying|the wrong thing again.

Follow her,|talk to her for an hour,

then come back here|and help me close up.

You can't close up by yourself?

F***ing A, man,|you're about to become a father!

Time to start acting|responsibly!

Be back here in an hour.|Go!

(engine starts)

(tires screech)

Hello.

I assume|you're with Kinky Kelly.

Good guess. You Randal?

I am.

How long is it gonna take you|to set up?

Got to hook up the boom box,

hang a few curtains|and some lights.

I've got a small smoke machine|for ambiance. Yeah.

Well, you might as|well start setting up.

We got about an hour

before the guest of honor|gets back.

So, do I, uh, get to meet Kelly|before the show or what?

Nah.

Kelly likes privacy|before show time.

But after the show, if you want,

for an extra $500,|you can f*** Kelly.

Really? Sweet.

Yeah. So, where|we doing this thing?

Oh, right inside the restaurant.

You're kidding.

Not spacious enough?

No, it's plenty spacious.

Just kind of weird, isn't it?

Kind of weird?

You're in the bestiality|business, dude.

Hey, fucko...

...we like to call it

inter-species erotica.

Intriguing.

playing)

# Shakedown 1979 #

# Cool kids never have|the time #

# On a live wire|right up off the street #

# You and I should meet #

# Junebug skipping|like a stone #

# Headlights pointed|at the dawn #

# We were sure we'd never see|an end to it all #

# And I don't even care #

# To shake these zipper blues #

# And we don't know #

# Just where our bones|will rest #

# To dust, I guess #

# Lamented and assured #

# To the lights #

# And towns below #

# Faster than #

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