Click Page #3

Sorry about last night.

And I love you. I'm s...

Oh, my God. I want that so bad.

A husband that I can kiss and love

and give juice to.

You've already cheated on three

different husbands with their brothers.

I think you've given enough juice

to everybody.

Love juice.

You know way too much about me.

I should never have done

that Montel Williams show.

Even Montel Williams

thinks you're crazy...

...and he's seen a lot of sh*t.

I was desperate for companionship!

All of my husbands...

All of them

have emotionally abandoned me.

They went to work. You had sex

with their unemployed brothers.

- You're a horndog.

- Michael.

- Okay, sweetie. Calm it down.

- No, no!

I have had self-esteem issues

since I was a kid.

I had a rabbit named Pepper.

And that rabbit abandoned me too!

Even the rabbit did! Even the rabb...

Don't look at me!

- What's wrong with me?

- Bunny rabbit, bunny...

Here's the pitch to Matsui.

A deep drive.

Oh, my, it's out of here!

A two-run shot into the right-field

seats for Hideki Matsui.

I'm sorry. What was that?

She has so many problems.

Why do you have to be so mean?

I don't know, l... Hello.

I gotta go.

Yeah, good RoboDog.

And he can bark

in over six different languages.

It's so cool.

Yeah, it's much cooler

than your stupid, human dog.

Hey, Dad, see Kevin's

new robot dog?

Yeah, yeah. Very nice.

"Very nice"? This thing

is worth more than your car.

- Not anymore it ain't.

- RoboDog!

Hey, hey, hey.

Okay. Is this some sort

of reality show? Are you the host?

Morty? Where are the cameras?

Got everybody in on it, huh?

Sundance did very well also.

All right, America! Have your laugh!

I'm an idiot!

Donna, I'm gonna get you!

Fast-forward.

Nobody's laughing at you, Michael.

You wanted a universal remote control

that remote-controls your universe.

Yeah, but what controls

my dance skills?

Oh, Morty likes it too.

Michael, just hit menu.

On the remote?

No, the menu at the Red Lobster.

Yes, on the remote.

Where are we?

- Go, Michael, go!

- One Mississippi. Two Mississippi.

- What have I got here?

- Two, three.

Cough syrup's kicking in again.

- We have a boy!

- Is it gonna work?

What is this?

- All right, I love you, Michael.

- Your life menu.

My life has a commentary?

It's chock-full of goodies.

- Click it.

- Click it.

This is last Tuesday.

Michael was eagerly awaiting

the arrival of his lunch order.

Who's that, James Earl Jones?

James Earl

does a lot of voice-over work.

But his anticipation

quickly turned to dismay...

... as he realized Alice

had brought him a cheeseburger...

... instead of a hamburger

as he requested.

A cheeseburger?

I said a hamburger.

She always does this to me.

Michael considered demanding

that Alice scrape the cheese off...

... but decided not to,

fearing that Alice may spit in...

... or otherwise defile

the burger in some manner.

A wise decision...

... for that was exactly

what Alice was planning to do.

- Are you kidding me?

- Sneaky.

My God.

What else we got here?

- "Making of"?

- Just click.

Hey, hey, psychedelic.

Where are we?

Is this a porno or something?

Oh, Ted. Oh, Teddy!

Is that my parents?

They're making you.

Like bunny rabbits.

- That's the spot.

- Smack my heinie!

Change the channel!

How do you do this?

I can't see.

What happened? What...?

The floor is so mushy and slippery.

Feels good on my feet.

Check it out.

You hit the fast-forward button.

I believe we're sometime

after your conception.

Okay, very good, Mrs. Newman.

No! We're in my mother's vagina?

Again. And push.

- It's a girl.

- It's a girl!

- Oh, it's a girl. Thank you so much.

- Thank you for that.

Wait a minute.

I'm sorry, it might be a boy.

What do you mean, "might be"?

What is that?

Maybe that's a penis.

Maybe that's a pe...? That's a penis.

That's my penis.

Can I see that?

Can you bring that a little closer?

See?

- That's a tiny schmeckel.

- Yeah?

- We have a boy!

- We have a boy!

Your mother must have

some superpower eyesight...

...because I didn't see anything.

Let's get out of here.

So if you think about it...

...I can reexperience

any part of my life I want to.

It's amazing.

What happened?

Oh, God, what did I do?

Hello? How do I get you

back here, pal?

Gotcha.

I'm not freaked out enough?

It's simple. Think of a time

and a place...

...hit rewind, and you're there.

Time and a place. Time and a place.

Oh, my God. Lake Winnipesaukee.

That's me in the Jets shirt.

Go, little me, go!

Good hands! Nice hands.

Michael!

Michael, dinner's almost ready.

Invite your friends if you want to.

So any of you wanna come

by my tent for some supper?

Or we could eat at my Winnebago

and watch Three's Company.

Three's Company.

That's humiliating.

Mom, why can't we camp in an RV

like every other family?

Oh, come on.

You call that camping?

How can you get close to nature

in a tin can like that?

Plus, it's more fun to have

to keep each other warm at night.

Don't you know it.

- No cupcakes yet.

- But I'm starving.

I agree with you, Michael.

You know how hungry I am?

I am so hungry, I could eat this.

Oh, this is where

the quarter trick started.

How the heck did he do that?

Oh, it's a trick coin

you buy at a magic shop.

I just couldn't let him know

I knew that.

That's sweet.

Now, I gotta get back to work,

so hit play.

It's a very powerful device.

Use it with caution.

Okay.

Who are you?

You know who I am.

Morty?

If you have any questions...

...call me.

No, Linda, I think Stacy gets

the most-beautiful-feet award.

You wanted to see me?

Michael. Look, I'm heading out to

the Hamptons in a couple of minutes.

I'm counting on you.

This hotel project? It's a big fish.

You reel it in for me

and it's "Howdy, partner."

Okay. Thank you.

Screw it up, though, and it's

"Back to the mailroom, atrium boy."

Mr. Ammer, Denise just called.

She's gotta go to rehab again,

so she can't mak e it to the Hamptons.

I'm gonna be alone

on the Fourth of July?

Mr. Ammer, if you need female

companionship this weekend...

...my wife's friend Janine, wow.

Really? What's she like?

Let's just say

she will eat you up, sir.

Excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt...

...but this is kind of important.

- Okay.

- Go to the bathroom.

- Okay.

Dude! You suck so bad.

Do not. Hey, Dad.

How you doing, buddy?

Playing some catch?

Actually, we're playing some drop,

because Ben hasn't caught one yet.

Darn it.

You're a regular Derek Jeter

yourself, O'Doyle.

- Love you, kid.

- Love you too, Dad.

Mommy!

No, I know. Well, I thought

she should've gotten voted off.

But did you see her Kate Spade

handbag? It was gorgeous.

Wait, hold on a second, Trudy.

I gotta say hi to your son.

- I told your parents to come for dinner.

- Really? That sounds good.

It'd be fun for them to be here

for the sleepover.

Okay, so great. Yeah.

We'll see you guys later.

Okay, bye-bye.

It's not gonna kill you to eat dinner

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