Clueless Page #3

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might like it.

Maybe you could share it.

Well... thanks.

Sure.

- Miss Geist!

- Miss Geist!

Did you sign up

for the environmental fair?

We will.

You have pretty eyes.

Don't hide them.

These clips are so cute.

And this tiny little waist.

Look. Wow.

Girls.

Oh, don't forget to sign up

for the environmental fair.

Not a total Betty,

but a vast improvement.

We did our best.

We got to book to P.E.

Come on, Dee.

I feel like bailing, dude.

I know what you mean,

but at least it's exercise.

I feel like such a heifer.

I had two bowls of Special K,

three pieces of turkey bacon,

five peanut butter M&M's,

and, like, three pieces of licorice.

Oh, my God. Look.

Is that a photo op or what?

Look at that body language...

Legs crossed towards each other.

That's an unequivocal sex invite.

Oh, Cher, he's getting her digits.

Look at Geist. She is so cute.

Ohh.

Old people can be so sweet.

# The world is full of fools?

# Who never get it right?

# You don't know what to do?

# So you do anything you like?

# Put your feet in drive?

# Oh, you're a silly thing?

# Put your feet in drive?

# You're such a pretty thing?

# You're going out tonight?

# There's nothing to lose...?

The entire student body

was utterly grateful

for the improvement

in their grades.

# Don't ever change?

# No, never change?

Cher, what's this all about?

My report card?

The same semester?

Uh-huh.

What did you do?

Turn in extra credit?

No.

Take the midterms over?

Uh-uh.

You mean to tell me

that you argued your way

from a C-plus to an A-minus?

Totally based

on my powers of persuasion.

You proud?

I couldn't be happier

if they were based on real grades.

Fabulous.

I felt so satisfied,

I wanted to do more good deeds.

Ah-choo!

Dee, when your allergies act up,

take out your nose ring.

Follow through! There you go.

There you go.

All right, Cher!

Earth to Cher. Come in, Cher.

Ms. Stoeger...

I would just like to say

that physical education

in this school is a disgrace.

I mean, standing in line

for 40 minutes

is hardly aerobically effective.

I doubt I worked off the calories

in a stick of Carefree gum.

- Whoo!

- Whoo!

You exercised your mouth, Cher.

Hit the ball.

Ms. Stoeger,

that machine is just

a lawsuit waiting to happen.

Thanks for the legal advice.

Dionne, you're up.

I have a note from

my tennis instructor

saying I shouldn't expose myself

to any training

that might derail his teachings.

Fine.

Amber!

My plastic surgeon doesn't

want me doing any activity

where balls fly at my nose.

Well, there goes your social life.

Ms. Stoeger...

got another one.

Ladies, we have

a new student with us.

This is Tai Frasier.

You could hit a few balls

in those clothes.

She could be a farmer

in those clothes.

Dee, my mission is clear.

Would you look at that girl?

She is so adorably clueless.

We've got to adopt her.

She is toe up.

Our stock would plummet.

Don't you want to use

your popularity for a good cause?

No.

Come here! Yeah, come here.

Hang with us.

Oh, thank you.

How do you like California?

Man, I'm freakin'.

I could really use some sort

of herbal refreshment.

We do lunch in 10 minutes.

We don't have any tea,

but we have Coke.

You guys got coke here?

Yeah. This is America.

So we decided to show Tai

the ropes at Bronson Alcott High School.

That is Alana's group over there.

They do the TV station.

They think that's the most

important thing on Earth.

And that's the Persian Mafia.

You can't hang with them

unless you own a BMW.

There's Elton in the white vest,

with all the most popular boys.

Including my boyfriend.

Ain't he cute?

If you decide

to date a high school boy,

they're the only acceptable ones.

Which one of them's your boyfriend?

As if!

Cher's got attitude

about high school boys.

It's a personal choice

every woman has got

to make for herself.

Woman, lend me $5.00.

Murray, I have asked you repeatedly

not to call me woman.

Excuse me, Miss Dionne,

street slang is an increasingly

valid form of expression.

Most feminine pronouns

do have mocking

but not necessarily

misogynistic undertone.

Wow. You guys talk like grownups.

Well, this is a really good school.

I'm going to go get a soda.

Do you guys want?

Sure.

She's nice.

Ooh! Project!

Oh, wow.

That's disgusting.

That's a nice representation.

Thanks.

Those are really nice stickers.

I was thinking it was too cluttered.

I want to concentrate on

one main decorative statement,

like Marvin the Martian right there.

I can do Marvin the Martian.

Really?

I mean there's not

really a lot to him,

but you want to see?

Yeah.

That's really cool.

Thanks.

Wait. I got one here.

You didn't trace these?

Uh-uh. No.

Here's another one over here...

and lots of little guys.

That is so cute.

You're really good at it.

No.

No, really. You are.

Yeah.

Are you sure that's fat free?

Oh, yes.

And you lose weight

by cutting it small.

I met a really cool guy.

Describe.

He's got long hair.

Straight off he offers me some smoke.

There he is!

Are you talking about drugs?

Yeah.

Tai, how old are you?

I'll be 16 in May.

My birthday's in April,

and as someone older,

can I please give you some advice?

It is one thing

to spark up a doobie at parties,

but it is another

to be fried all day.

Do you see the distinction?

Yeah.

Loadies generally hang

on the grassy knoll.

Sometimes they come to class

and say bonehead things,

and we all laugh, of course,

but no respectable girl

actually dates them.

You don't want to start off

on the wrong foot, do you?

I've got an idea.

Let's do a makeover.

No. No.

Cher's main thrill

in life is a makeover.

It gives her a sense of control

in a chaotic world.

Please?

Sure. Why not?

You guys, I've never had

straight friends before.

# I don't care?

# What my teachers say?

# I'm gonna be a supermodel?

# And everyone?

# Is gonna dress like me?

# Wait and see?

# When I'm a supermodel?

# And my hair will shine like the sea?

# And everyone?

# Will want to look?

# Just like me?

# Eeee?

# 'Cause I'm young?

# I'm hip?

# And so beautiful?

# I'm going to be a supermodel?

Squeeze your buttocks when you come up.

Squeeze in.

I don't want to do this anymore.

My buns don't feel

nothing like steel.

O.K. It will get easier.

I promise.

Just as long as

we do it every day, not sporadically.

How do you know

if we're doing it sporadically?

We've got to work

on your accent and vocabulary.

Sporadic means once in a while.

Use it in a sentence today.

From now on,

we're alternating

Cindy Crawford's Aerobicize

and Buns Of Steel

and reading one

nonschool book a week.

My first book is Fit Or Fat.

Mine is Men Are From Mars,

Women Are From Venus.

Good.

That takes care

of our minds and bodies,

but we should do

something good for mankind

for a couple of hours.

Hey, brainiac.

Ugh. The dreaded ex.

Tai, this is Josh.

Nice to meet you.

Hey! You know about this stuff.

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