Clueless Page #4

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I want to do something

good for humanity.

How about sterilization?

Ha ha ha!

So what do you think?

I'm amazed.

That I am devoting myself

so generously to someone else?

That you found someone

more clueless than you are

to worship you.

I am rescuing her from teenage hell.

The wounds of adolescence

can take years to heal.

You've never had a mother.

You're acting out on that poor girl

like your Barbie doll.

Freshman Psych.

I am not taking Psych.

I am going to take that lost soul

and make her well-dressed and popular.

Her life will be better

because of me.

How many girls can

say that about you?

# Mentos better?

# Mentos fresher?

# Fresh goes better?

# With Mentos,

fresh and full of life!?

Mentos.

The freshmaker.

Be seeing ya.

Yeah, I hope not sporadically.

Do you see how boys

are responding?

My heart is totally bursting.

I know!

Cher, you have Deamer?

Geist.

Hey, Tai, did you get a flyer?

Uh-uh.

Wow! A party!

It's in the Valley.

The cops usually break them up

in less than an hour,

and it takes that long to get there.

It's just local loadies.

Do you guys think

Travis will be there?

I thought we moved

on from there.

Don't sell yourself short.

You've got something no one here has.

I'm not a virgin.

As far as everyone's concerned,

you're the most popular girl

in your school.

The fact that you hang

with Dee and I, well...

Speaks very highly of you.

If you strike

while the iron is hot,

you can have any guy

that you want.

Like who?

Who's available?

There's Bronson...

I got it! Elton!

He just broke up with Folette!

Who's Elton?

He's way popular,

like the social director of the Crew.

His dad can get you into any concert.

I noticed him scoping you out.

He was looking at me?

Says you gave him a toothache.

How'd I do that?

He thought you were sweet.

Yeah?

Yeah? Wow!

Is that true?

No.

You are so bad!

O.K., you guys,

all get together.

That is great.

Smile!

Tai, get a little closer.

Closer, Tai.

Oh, great.

Hey, Elton, um...

why don't you put

your arm around Tai?

All right.

Yeah, that's good.

O.K.

O.K. Tai. Come here, Tai.

Hold that.

O.K.

O.K.

Cool picture.

Doesn't she look classic?

Yeah, she's beautiful.

She's like one of

those Botticelli chicks.

Why don't you make me

a copy of this, O.K.?

Sure.

Hi, Daddy. This is my friend Tai.

Get out of my chair!

Thank you, Lucy. It looks great.

What is this crap?

It's from the

Cut Your Cholesterol Cookbook.

Dr. Lovett says that

you've got to get down to 200.

No calls tonight.

But it's Dionne.

It might be important.

We're having a nice family dinner.

So, uh, what did you do

in school today?

Well...

I broke in my purple clogs.

Yeah, hello?

Dee? What up?

So check it.

Murray's Geometry class

is right by Elton's locker.

Taped up inside

was the picture of Tai.

Oh, my God.

Elton's got a picture of you

in his locker.

Oh, no sh*t!

Hello?

The whole crew is going to this party

in the Valley.

Bye.

We're going to have

to make a cameo at the Val party.

I said I wanted it

in the morning! No!

Just look at the top of the map.

Sun Valley is north.

No. All I see is Bel Air.

You're on the wrong map.

Look at the number on the top.

There are no numbers.

There's letters.

Uh!

Murray, shut up.

Listen, Tai, when we get there,

make sure Elton sees you,

but don't say hi first.

Look like you're having

fun and you're popular.

Talk to a guy in his eyeline.

Make him come to you.

Find an excuse to leave

during the conversation.

Always have him wanting more.

I got it.

Heads up!

Oh! Did you just see that?

Skateboards.

That is, like, so five years ago.

You guys came. That's great.

You want a beer?

I'll get you a beer.

No.

Yeah! Oh, yeah!

This sh*t is whack.

This is ragin'.

Let's do a lap before

we commit to a location.

Aah! Hey!

Who was that?

Cher, ain't that the same dress

that you was wearing yesterday?

Say, Ambular.

Hi!

Was that you going

through my laundry?

As if!

Like I would really

wear something from Judy's.

Do you prefer fashion victim

or ensembly challenged?

Uh!

That clone.

You look much better

in that dress.

Hey!

Ruin my satin shoes,

why don't you?

I'm sorry.

Excuse me. My shoes.

Uh!

This is so not fixable.

It's a small price to pay

to the party gods.

Look, I'll make amends.

How about some chronic sh*t?

It's the least you can do.

Let's spark it.

Hey, Elton's over there.

Act like Travis is

saying something funny.

Sorry.

Ha ha ha!

What's so funny?

Nothing.

Oh, here.

Hey, everyone.

Let's play suck and blow.

God, Elton! Can't you suck?

Aah! No!

It's Dee! Come on!

What have you done?

Oh, my God!

Why did you do this to your head?

'Cause I'm keeping it real.

Look what he's done!

Can you believe this?

Look at Lawrence's head.

It's the bomb!

You look good!

As will you.

What do you care what he thinks?

I have to look at you.

What am I going to do with you now?

Right before the yearbook pictures?

What will I tell my grandchildren?

You know what?

O.K. That's it.

I'm calling your mother.

Hold up! No, no, no!

Wait! Don't call my mom!

Yo, man! Chill! Chill!

Don't call my mom!

The same thing happened

at the spring dance.

She spent the entire

afterparty in the bathroom.

That almost destroyed my buzz.

I'm still baked.

What do you say

we go bump into people?

Yeah. I'm cool with that.

Hey, Tai! Wait up!

Are you O.K.?

Yeah. Where's your sense

of good hospitality?

That was so cool

the way you did that.

I wish I could do it.

Oh, no. Don't.

Why not?

If girls did it,

how would guys impress them?

I don't know, like...

stuff.

What kind of stuff?

Tai, I need you.

Elton's over there.

# Rollin' with my homies?

# Rollin' with my homies?

Tai!

Tai! Elton, help me!

Use this.

You guys should use ice.

Travis, we've got it under control!

Tai, are you O.K.?

Travis, Tai would have wanted you

to enjoy the party.

If it's a concussion,

keep her conscious.

Ask her questions.

What's 7 times 7?

Stuff she knows.

That's some bump you got there.

Yeah.

You ready to go back out there?

Yeah, I am.

You sure? Can you do this?

# Rollin' with the homies?

# Rollin' with the homies?

Good! Let's do it.

You're ready.

I had to give myself snaps

for all the good deeds I was doing.

It was great. Love was everywhere,

and even though I was alone,

I was really happy for Tai.

It's like that book

I read in ninth grade

that said,

'Tis a far, far better thing

doing stuff for other people. "

Hello?

Do you know what time it is?

A watch doesn't really go

with this outfit, Daddy.

Where are you?

Having a snack with my girlfriends.

Where, in Kuwait?

Is that in the Valley?

I expect you to walk

in this door in 20 minutes.

Well, um, it might take

longer than that, Dad.

Everywhere in L.A.

takes 20 minutes.

Sorry to make you leave.

Dionne's bucking for

best dramatic actress at a Val party.

Ha ha ha!

Hey, Summer.

Hi. Pretty random fiesta.

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