Cockneys Vs Zombies Page #4

- Some girls.

- No!

- Davey, probably not.

- Sorry.

Cheers, mate.

I'm keeping track of all this,

so I can write a report for the police.

I'm memorising your faces.

Put a sock in it, you little cretin!

Hey, I'm doing this for

your benefit too, you know?

Why don't we just let them go.

Shut it, Davey!

Davey, is that your name? Right.

I made a note of that.

Oh, great. Thanks, Mickey.

Mickey. Right. Another name.

You're remembering everything, are ya?

Yes, every tiny detail.

Well, don't forget this then.

Keep your f***ing airhole shut!

- Well, what is it?

- Yeah, zombies.

Shitloads of 'em.

Yeah, some kind of

mutated virus or something.

I don't know when it started,

but it's spreading fast.

Maybe... it's something in the water.

- Christ, Andy!

- It's not f***ing water.

They're gonna seal off the East

End to see if they can contain it.

Told everyone to just stay indoors.

Yes, and whatever you do, do not

let 'em f***ing bite you, all right?

That's where it starts.

We've got a problem.

We've come this far 'cause we've got

guns and we're strong, all right?

But what about granddad?

He can handle anything.

He was in the war.

I know that, mate. But this is a little

bit different. You know what I mean?

I think... I think even granddad's

gonna have a tough time with this one.

We have to go there. Keep him

safe till all of this get sorted.

Yep.

Okay, they can't get in.

But, we can't get out.

Now, we just gonna have to stay here,

until we figure summat.

Or the bowzers just bash

the bloody doors down.

Don't say that.

We'll work something out.

Look, what the bloody hell are they?

It's obvious, innit? They're vampires!

Then what we need is crucifixes, silver,

garlic, holy water, and Chrisopher Lee.

Oh, shut up! You soppy tart. Those

things out there... are f***ing zombies!

It's probably not as bad as it looks.

I think it probably is, mate.

We are going to be all

right, aren't we, Ray?

Yeah, of course we are, sweetheart.

Listen. If one of 'em bites me,

you will sort me out, won't you?

Yeah, I'll promise, really.

But, uh... it won't come to that.

Thanks, Ray.

Same goes for me.

If one of them f***ers bites me...

you finish me off.

You joking?

I'll kill you stone f***ing dead.

Eh?

We're in enough trouble without you

turning into one of them as well.

Yeah.

Don't worry about it.

Just a little scratch.

Won't kill me, bruv.

Honestly, Mickey.

Maybe you need to get to a hospital.

Maybe you should shut your

f***ing mouth. How about that?

Please, we've done everything you

asked us. You don't need us any more.

She's right. We should let them go.

F*** off! We just

"half-inched" (pinched) 2 million quid.

As soon as we let them go,

they'll snitch on us.

Oh, no, we won't say a word.

I will. I'll tell 'em everything.

Jesus, Clive! Shut up! Christ!

Fine, just me then. I won't say a word.

Look, the world is

clearly going to sh*t.

Do you think I care about

your poxy little robbery?

My sister's ill, I need

to check up on her.

I don't expect you lot to understand.

You clearly don't care about

anything other than yourselves.

Why'd you say that for?

Have we said anything nasty to you?

You kidnapped me!

Do you know why we're doing this?

No, and I don't care.

They're closing down our

granddad's old people's home.

He's lived in the East End all his life.

We're doing this so he can

stay here with his friends.

I, uh... All I just need

is to clear me debts.

Lost all me rent money on racehorse.

What? I thought we were sharing.

I know it's hard to believe. But we've

actually never robbed anything before.

Huh, no sh*t.

When we was young,

our mum and dad died and...

granddad raised us so...

you know... we owe him.

Why didn't you just save up?

We did, for six months.

And then someone broke into

our flat and nicked it.

You think that's funny, do ya?

It's pathetic.

Sorry to break up you

lot's f***ing little orgy.

You're getting too pally

pally for my liking.

You are telling them too much about us.

All right, Andy, I want you to light up

the car, all right? What you doing?

- Gimme my keys.

- Nah.

Gimme my f***ing keys!

Think I'll hang on to these, in case

you try to run off with my money.

But it's not that I

don't trust you, Ter.

It's that I don't f***ing trust you.

Yeah, think Imma shove him over there.

Don't make us go with him.

- Get up now!

- I'm up, I'm up.

- Guys, come on.

- Move!

- Moving.

- Take it easy.

You can't just let him take 'em.

What the f*** are we gonna do?

He ain't got much longer,

you know that, right?

He's f***ing lost his mind.

So what are we gonna do?

He's gonna turn any minute, right?

Wait.

In there.

F***ing mag mug!

- Now, get in.

- Yup, okay.

You should be safe in there now...

probably...

I can't believe they got Hamish.

He's only 83.

Oh, I'm so glad I didn't see it.

Did anyone actually see Hamish

in the room when it happened?

He went out in the garden to have a kip,

but I never saw him come back in.

F***!

He must have slept right through it.

There're zombies everywhere.

Yeah, but they ain't bite him yet.

Hamish! Wake up!

Wake up! You silly old f***er!

What are you all doing in there?

Don't talk, they'll hear you.

I'm sorry, I... I can't hear.

You'll have to speak up!

Shut up! Come to the back door.

We'll let you in.

Pardon?

There's zombies everywhere. Come to

the back door, and we'll let you in.

Run! Now!

Oh, it doesnt' work. I can't hear you.

You'll have to... hold on.

I'll... I'll come over there.

He's Mutt'n'Jeff,

deaf as a f***ing post!

He'd move a bit quicker

if it was dinner time.

Hamish, there's a zombie right

behind you! Move! Right now!

Zombie, eh? Zombie?

What are you going on about?

Oh, my, oh. Oh, it's a zombie, oh.

RUUUUUN!

Why're you going so fast? Ey-oh!

F***!

Zombies, oh, no, oh, oh, oh, eh, eh.

You don't look very well.

- Me?

- No, Clive. Him.

Why don't I come over

there and untie you.

I'll show you how f***ing well I am.

Look, I'm serious, um...

Why don't you untie us, and...

and we'll take you to a hospital, huh?

Ain't going nowhere.

I said I'm fine.

Get it out of it!

He's not gonna make it.

We've got to help him, somehow.

Summat's gotta be done!

I'm gonna go and get him!

Eric, gonna have to

borrow your wheels, mate.

Oh, be careful! You're gonna break

me "trouble-and-strife" (wife)!

Shall I come with you?

Peggy, youse guys kick the back

door clear. I'll bring him back in.

Come on, Eric.

Take care of this one, Peggy!

Hamish!

And you can f*** off and all.

Hamish, get in.

Bring your friend with ya.

- Yeah, I'll cover you from here.

- Come with me, mate.

- I'll cover you from here.

- Andy?

- Take your time, mate.

- Sorry, mate.

I've been waiting for bloody...

F***! Get off! Get off!

Here, I'll shoot it! I'll shoot it!

Terry! Quick!

You all right, mate? Did he bite ya?

No, mate, I swear to ya.

All right, let's close this.

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