Colin Quinn: The New York Story Page #7

---

Cause there were five martial arts stores

on 42nd Street.

Guys standing there swingin nunchakus.

Everybodys just watchin.

People go to a play. Nobody went out

to dinner after the theater in New York.

Nobody stayed in Times Square.

People wouldnt even applaud.

Theyre like, Thats the end

of the show. Lets go. Come on.

Yeah, it was psychotic.

I mean, people started

to accommodate criminals.

People told you,

Bring 20 bucks with you.

Why? What if I get jumped?

Because the mugger started to know.

People arent gonna bring money?

Well kill a few people.

They started killin people

for havin no money.

So youd bring mugger money.

Thats what theyd call it.

The muggers knew about it too.

Gimme your money.

I left my wallet home.

You got your mugger money, right?

Of course I do.

I mean, Im not--

Yeah, people started writing notes

to the car thieves.

Youre writing no radio

and putting it in the car.

Im not sayin one day. Im sayin

the whole city did for 20 years.

No radio. Whos that for?

The car thief.

I corres--

Puttin correspondence with the car thief.

Could have had their own stationery.

Wouldve made a lot of money.

The car thieves would read it.

Theyd be like,

Come on, man. It says no radio.

Cant you read? Let's go

The city was a hellhole,

but it seemed more authentic.

The people were more down to earth.

Like, the difference

between Mayor de Blasio and Mayor Koch.

Two mayors of New York.

Mayor de Blasio gets up there.

And just... We need crucial, critical,

fundamental steps to remedy

and measures to address some

of the challenges

and the obstacles that we face."

Once in a while,

hell throw a little New York thing in.

As we New Yorkers say,

Forget about it.

Koch was always in a wrinkled shirt.

He just got out of...

Hed be at the Kew Gardens Senior Center.

You know.

Some old ladys yelling at him.

You promised us last year

thered be a stoplight

on Parsons Boulevard.

Well, I havent seen anything.

Hed just start yelling at you.

Lady, you oughta get your head examined.

You have a screw loose.

Theres no money. Youre not getting that.

You wanna cross Parsons Boulevard? Run.

Im running across right now

to get the hell outta here.

He had no bodyguards.

Just get on the E train by himself.

These ladies make me sick.

Ill never go back to Kew Gardens again.

Yeah. The New York personality.

The cynical, opinionated, brutal, loud...

Youd think it was gone. No.

Thats the only immigrants

that make it here,

if youll notice, are the ones

that have all those qualities.

Theyre not, Hey, tired, poor. They got

a sh*t attitude. Thats how you make it.

Starting with the Greeks.

They came in the 60s.

Rude-polite, thats what they do.

They were rude-po-- Turnover.

Their whole business

in their diners was turnover.

So theyre welcoming you in,

but kicking you out at the same time.

Theyre like, My friend, I love it.

I know. Eggs, bacon, home fries.

You like the French fries better.

Give him the home fries.

Give him the check.

Come on, lets get him out of here.

The f*** outta-- Come on. Kick him."

They loom over the stool.

Send him to the cashier.

They always blame the cashier.

Shes the only non-Greek in the place.

Shed have the bouffant hairdo

and the cat glasses.

You know.

You think shes just some old lady.

She was an Instagram star today back

in the 50s.

Like a real hottie.

Like a Miss Subways runner-up.

The hand job queen of Ebbets Field

or some sh*t.

She went to high school

with everybody from-- the real goodfellas.

Shes like, Yeah, they were cowards.

My boyfriend beat the sh*t outta half

of those guys.

You cant be nice and last in the city.

I witnessed it.

Haitians and Jamaicans got

to New York in the early 70s.

Right away they had to be tough.

The Haitians,

first of all, they were fearless.

They werent tough, just fearless.

Nobody could hit them harder

than their father.

Their father would come up to school

and beat them in the middle of class.

Who are you

to disrespect these teachers?

They werent scared of any kids.

Theyd just quote the New Testament.

By scribe and Pharisee,

you do not intimidate."

The Jamaicans would quote

the Old Testament.

Abraham and Jacob.

And Jamaicans-- Fun historical fact.

Jamaicans were the first black guys

it was socially acceptable

for white girls to date.

Before it was okay to date

black Americans, I heard it all the time:

Shes goin out with a black guy.

Hes Jamaican. Oh.

I dont know why. Pot. Bob Marley.

I dont know, folks. I just report it.

Then, um...

the Chinese and Koreans came.

Notice, the Japanese had to go to

Fort Lee. They couldnt stay in the city.

Cause they were polite,

tryin to be friendly.

Chinese are not on a charm offensive,

to put it mildly.

First of all, they kept

the Lenape Indians cigarette thing going.

When the rest

of the city abandoned smoking--

You go to any one

of the four Chinatowns in New York,

its like they never heard

of Mayor Bloomberg.

Yeah. There was Giuliani

and then this guy de Blasio.

There was a guy in the middle.

Dont worry about it.

Not friendly. Theyre workaholics.

Workaholics arent frie--

Koreans. They tried to make Koreans--

Remember in the 90s?

Koreans are unfriendly.

They gotta be friendly.

They tried.

They had classes to try to be friendly.

But its just not what they do. They try.

Hot enough for y--

I cant do this. I cant.

I got four hand trucks to unload.

They just wanna work the whole time.

No ones ever leaning at the Korean deli.

Nobodys ever leaning. You got

a 40-year-old guy stocking the shelves.

Twelve-year-old girls working

the register doin her homework.

The 100-year-old grandfather sittin

on a crate,

pickin snow peas at 2:00 in the mornin

by himself.

Once in a while the manager-- heres

the vacation-- after a 20-hour shift,

walks out and leans

on his own body weight for ten seconds.

Then theyre like, Breaks over.

I know.

The only friendly thing they did,

they brought flowers.

There were no flowers

at the bodegas before--

The Koreans just showed up

with flowers in the 80s.

They mustve thought that was enough.

But they dont go near them.

They make the Mexican guy guard them.

Mexicans do every job nobody else will.

Even among the immigrants, Im sayin.

Like, all the immigrants make fun

of how lazy we are as Americans.

Like, Oh, I hurt my foot.

I need a vacation. Im American.

Mexicans make fun of how lazy the other

immigrants are. Thats how much they work.

Theyre like,

I only put 18 hours in. Im Korean.

Dominicans. Dominicans came over.

First of all, Dominicans came over 1980,

81. They had the Puerto Ricans goin,

Who are these people blasting music,

staying up all night? Im tryin to sleep.

I like a party. A partys a party.

Theres a time and a place for a party.

And theyre speaking Spanish.

I understand it, but I dont speak it.

The Dominicans, they made themselves

right at home when they came here.

Because the first non-Lenape Indian--

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes