Comet Page #4

From the laughter, you know?

I lied about not seeing

"The Sixth Sense. "

Of course I saw it. Everybody

saw it. It's amazing.

Who didn't see "The Sixth Sense?"

Why would you lie about that?

I read in a woman's magazine

that every relationship

whether it be short term, or long term

there's usually, like, one big

lie relative to that relationship

and I just... I wanted to

get mine over with, I guess.

Why would you want to get

a jump start on the lying?

Because...

Because of five minutes from now.

Well, yeah...

You're assuming that

we're in a relationship

or going to be when I'm

still technically on a date

with someone else.

Which I should probably be

getting back to. by the way.

What about the handshake? We

shook hands. You can't do that.

I was leading you on.

That's really f***ed up.

That's the business.

Well, what about a friendship?

Actually, what am I talking about?

I definitely don't want

to be friends with you.

I was raped. In high school.

By the quarterback...

of the football team.

Jesus.

I know.

That is a terrible lie.

Hey! How do you know that's a lie?

You were raped in high school

by the quarterback of the football team?

I don't think after-school

specials are that cliched.

You couldn't have gone with,

like, a cornerback or defensive end

or something?

Well, I was just trying

to get mine over with.

- Get what over who?

- My lie to you.

- You can't.

- Why can't?

Because I saw it coming,

because we just talked about it.

You've got to wait until I'm in

a completely vulnerable position

where I'd really fall for it.

That sounds really dangerous.

Oh, yeah, that's the

problem with relationships.

Danger?

- Or worse.

- Worse?

You could change the other person.

You're a very broken man, Dell.

In theory.

Speaking of broken men,

your goateed Philistine

is sashaying towards us.

- Run!

- What?

- Run!

- What?

Run!

Well, that's settled.

Wanna hit?

No way. It has a weird effect on me.

For some reason, when I'm high,

I think people can't hear me

and I start speaking really loudly.

Do you remember

memorizing phone numbers?

I don't remember the last time

I memorized a phone number.

I don't either, actually.

Remember checking the

newspaper for movie showtimes?

Remember that?

Or writing people those notes in

those, like, folded-up triangles

and then putting them in their lockers.

Do you think kids still do that?

As opposed to just e-mails or texts?

No way. It's all

about e-mails and texts

with those goddamn hugs and kisses.

I hate those things.

Whenever anybody e-mails

me hugs and kisses

I wanna just e-mail them

back oral and penetration.

Are we old? Are we

talking like old people?

Are we on the verge of

joining the sweatpants culture?

Was I just saying something?

What? Was I?

Give me that.

- Why?

- Give me that.

Okay, that's it for you.

I think you should start

drinking some coffee.

Okay?

See, that's why I hate time.

I believe I want to

have sex with you now.

I believe I share in that belief.

Hey, uh, uh... Okay.

We gotta get ready. Come on.

What the F? I thought

we were gonna make it!

I know, but we gotta go, Kim.

Really.

What's that?

What is that?

You ordered Chinese food? Who

orders Chinese food in Paris?

Kim, they're going to have

dinner at the wedding, you know?

The wedding that we're supposed

to go to in half an hour.

And you just ate lunch. You're not full?

What does that have to do with anything?

Oh, Jesus. This is the pot talking.

You shouldn't have smoked. I

knew it. You gotta get ready.

What are you doing? You made me promise

to get you down there

on time no matter what.

You warned me you would do this.

See, this is why I hate time.

I can't enjoy my sesame

chicken because of it.

Kim.

Wish I could just stop it or something.

Or at least just make it

pause when needed, like now.

Or better yet, just get

rid of it altogether.

You wanna get rid of time?

How would you do that?

You know how there's time-based art?

Movies, music, plays,

it's all time-based art.

There's a beginning,

and a middle and an end.

You have to see it from

the beginning to the end.

You're restrained to that timeline...

That way of experiencing it.

But then there's paintings.

No beginning, no middle, no end.

You see what you want to

see when you want to see it.

No restrictions, it's just there.

Okay, so you want life

to be a painting? Great.

What?

Thanks.

So, do you know you really love me?

So, what's in your pocket?

My wallet.

It's stuffed with our

saved movie ticket stubs

because I'm a romantic like that.

Can you please get ready?

Shhh! Can't you see, I'm

trying to touch my toes?

I really don't want to be that

couple that's always late for things.

Can we please not be that couple?

At least for the tenure of

our relationship? Please.

You did it again!

What? What, I'm just saying

I want us to respect time.

Not that.

Okay, what then? What did I do that

I did twice now and still not know?

You said "the tenure

of our relationship. "

You keep speaking about our

relationship as if it's ending.

Okay. You see how this

relates to the time thing?

Why don't you take your own

advice and instead of seeing

a beginning, middle, and end,

just see it as a painting.

Kimberly! What are you

doing? We're going to be late!

And I'm gonna somehow get

blamed for it, I know it.

What are you reading?

Roald Dahl short stories.

So, is it about a girl?

Is it about a new girl

you're going up north?

A new girlfriend you're not telling me

because you think

it'll make it awkward...

Yeah.

So, right. Okay.

New girl.

I love Roald Dahl. He's the best.

Which one are you reading? And

are you sleeping with anyone?

The one about Hitler. And yes.

Sh*t.

I didn't know he wrote one about Hitler.

Uh... kind of. It's about this doctor

that saves this woman's life.

She's on the verge of death

through the whole delivery.

And this doctor is so determined

to save this woman's life

and the life of her unborn child, right?

But, it turns out that

the child is Hitler.

Okay, uh...

Did you just give away the ending?

How was I supposed to

tell you what the story

was about without

giving away the ending?

What are you talking about? Just say...

It's a story about a

doctor who saves a woman

from a potentially fatal pregnancy?

- Because that's what the story is about.

- It is.

False, birdbrain. That is

not what the story is about.

It's about the irony

that the baby's Hitler.

- Okay, you're mad.

- I'm not mad.

- You're mad 'cause of the girl.

- I'm seeing a guy. Jack.

You're seeing a Jack?

He's an executive at MTV.

Looks like a cross between

Salvador Dali and Dwayne Wayne

from "A Different World," which is hot.

That's a weird combination.

I gotta go to the bathroom really quick.

Well, that... f***ing...

Hurt.

What?

You hung up on me. What happened?

Because.

Okay, you realize that's not

an answer to my question, right?

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