Comet Page #5

What is it that I can

help you with, sir?

I don't know. Have I told you how much New

York reminds of why I hate L.A. so much?

No, please do, because

the New Yorker who opines

the inferiorities of Los Angeles

is bursting with originality.

I'm serious, Kimberly

we gotta move here,

it is the f***ing best.

It's enough already with L.A.

It's like a mix of moral

nihilism and Disneyland.

So are you.

Hey, did I tell you the proof of concept

on our drug passed with flying colors?

There's actually a bidding war

between a few pharmas right now.

Looks like we could be licensing

it for close to 25 million.

Money for soul seems like...

An even swap, yes, it's not

like I'm not happy for you

but you did already tell me

this all this morning, remember?

- Did I really?

- Uh-huh.

Oh sh*t, my short-term

memory must be shot.

What with the smoking pot and whatnot.

I'm your new second-term

girlfriend, man

aren't you supposed to be,

like, impressing me still?

Your second-term

boyfriend just told you

he made his bosses close

to 25 million dollars today.

I'm not materialistic.

I know that, but 25 million dollars

sort of, I don't know,

makes that sound retarded.

Okay, seeing as there's no

new information in this call

I am going to go. I'm

almost at the gun range.

Hey, don't you think it's cute that

you own a gun card and I own a pot card?

Now you sound retarded.

Listen, we should probably

stop saying retarded.

I'm starting to feel like an a**hole.

Oh, is that just now starting?

What's going on? You sound off.

You're off.

No, no, no, I'm serious.

Your cadence is all over the place.

You sound a little like Miss Teschmacher

when she betrayed Lex Luthor.

Something's wrong, I can tell.

What's going on?

Oh, God, this is gonna blow.

What's going on?

Oh, sh*t, this is bad, isn't it?

This is like infidelity bad.

I definitely heard a silence just now!

What is going on?!

You okay?

Yeah, you okay?

So... it's been a while.

Yup.

- I'm glad you're finally here.

- Yeah, me too.

I've been trying to get a hold

of you for a long time now.

Do you want a tour of the place?

No.

Oh, okay.

Seriously?

Oh, yeah. You know I don't care

about stupid sh*t like that.

Right, sorry, I've

adjusted to normal people

so your presence is gonna

take some realignment.

You moving?

Uh, no, kind... kind of.

Um, do you want anything,

by the way? Like, uh...

I want to talk.

What?

Nothing, for a second I...

I forgot what you looked like.

For the record, I've never

forgotten what you looked like.

Okay, chill out, okay. I

didn't sleep with anyone!

Okay, did you see and/or touch

another man's penis in any way?

Really? Out of all the

things you want to know

this is what you wanna ask me the most?

What kinda question is that. Of course

that's what I want to know the most!

No. Penises were not involved.

Were your b*obs and/or vagina...

No. It was texts. That's all it was.

I should never have gone

against my own advice.

I should always be the better

looking one in the relationship

but I just sort of

hit an impasse on that.

Honestly, gosh, Dell, do

you really think that that...

Who was it?

It was my in-between ex... Jack.

Jack, the MTV exec?

Are you f***ing serious?

I thought you hated MTV!

Isn't he short?

He's not tall.

Wha... Are you seriously defending him?

You can't call him short, you

have to go with "not tall?"

Jesus, you like him? Why

the f*** are you being

so sangfroid over this sh*t?

You're being way too easy on yourself!

You should know I'm standing in

the middle of a monsoon right now.

Well... so, maybe I

should let you go then?

Why? Because I'm standing

in the middle of a monsoon?

No, because you... Yes,

because you're standing

in the middle of a monsoon!

Um...

Are you okay?

What are you staring at?

Oh, my thesis.

That reminds me. I've been

keeping articles about you.

They said that your drug

led to major breakthroughs

in cancer treatment. It's amazing, Dell.

Your mom, especially, must be proud.

- That's me and...

- Jack.

How long have you guys been engaged?

So... what are you talking about?

You've boxed up a lot of old

kitchen appliances over there

which means you've

either declared a fatwa

on General Electric or you're

wedding registering the f***

out of your friends and family.

You've been fidgeting with

your ring finger non-stop.

You're also giving me that

look like you're trying to think

of a lie real quick.

I might beat the sh*t out of you.

The wedding's in a few weeks.

Question is, where's the ring?

It's getting sized.

Huh?

Question number two,

why didn't you tell me?

I was going to tell you

before you did your whole

annoying MacGyver thing.

I don't think that's the

reference you're looking for.

Does Jack even know I'm here?

Trust me, he knows you're here.

What does that mean? Why did you scoff?

What scoff? I didn't scoff.

You scoffed.

You guys fought about me coming.

I'm actually kind of flattered,

didn't know yours truly

could threaten the evil

prince of the MTV generation.

First of all, Jack's leaving MTV.

His article in Esquire was

optioned by George Clooney.

Yeah, well, I won my fantasy

baseball league last year.

Let's not talk about Jack, okay?

I'm happy to not talk about Jack.

What's the smoking rule in here?

Is he making a face? Is that...

That's just how he looks.

So, I had a very vivid dream

the other night about us.

A vivid dream? What was

it about, this vivid dream?

It was a dream of memories.

'Uh, conversations that we've had. '

'I saved your life. '

You owe the person that

saved you, don't you think?

You had a dream that was

really a series of memories

of conversations we've had?

Yeah, don't hurt yourself,

it's not that complicated.

Cause to the brain, there's

no difference between

reality and dreams.

They were just memories

of us over the years.

What if I don't subscribe

to a culture of indentured servitude?

You can't unsubscribe.

It's a thing of nature

it's here to stay.

They weaved in and out of each other

like those M.C. Escher drawings.

So, one second I'd be on that train

that time we got back together

after our first breakup

another second I was on

the phone in New York.

The last time we ever

talked to each other.

But they blended together like a...

Painting?

I saved your life.

If it weren't for me, you

would have been run over

by that car.

You would have been splat

just like my timeless

life painting thing.

And they were all real...

But there was one moment

in the dream that was, um...

Well, it... it... it

was one we never had,

it was the only one.

What was it about? This made-up moment?

It's gonna sound weird,

but it was us talking

after not having

talked for however long.

So, wait, I'm confused. It was...

This moment. This moment

that we're having right now.

So me coming over, seeing your

apartment, your life with Jack

and reconnecting...

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