Corky Romano Page #3

Really?

Hi.

Heh heh.

What'd you say

your full name was?

Russo. Agent Russo.

What a beautiful,

beautiful name.

Russo, Pissant,

we need you. He struck again.

You're kidding. Who?

The Night Vulture.

A rival drug dealer

was butchered and mutilated...

on 39th street.

Let's go.

Pissant!

Oh.

Where the hell is he going?

Abrasions on left elbow.

Pooling of blood near torso.

Victim was shot, mutilated,

and dragged.

No consistency of clumps and

bile stain on magazine caddy.

Set time of death at 6:00 p. m.

Hi. Hi.

Hey, ma'am, how are you?

- Hey, mister.

- Hello, agent.

Do you guys smell that?

What's going on?

How are you?

- Agent.

- Hi.

Oh, sweet Jesus!

Oh, my God. Oh, God.

What is it? You got something?

What happened?

Shouldn't we call someone?

Aah! Oh, my God!

What is this?

What is that?

Is that his wiener?

Shouldn't we have somebody

put that back on?

Maggots-that is so gross.

Maggots? Where?

Right there,

in their larval stage.

Maggots take

at least eighteen hours-

Wait a minute. Maggots take

at least 18 hours to hatch.

You're right.

Change the time of death from

6:
00 p. m. to before 12:00 p. m.

- Good work, agent.

- Oh. Grr!

Jackpot-a full kilo.

Someone want to run this

over to evidence?

Yes, I-I-

Oh.

Ohh! Oh! Aah! Where is that?

Here.

Uhh!

We're here.

Nice work, agent.

- Oh, thanks.

- Good-bye.

Oh.

Well, we can't chitchat

all day, can we?

So, uh...

maybe I'll see you sometime.

Hi. Hi, poochie. Hi. Hi.

What's the matter?

What's the matter?

Poochie can't reach the water?

No?

Poochie want some water?

Poochie thirsty?

There you go. You're

a tough action police dog.

Yes, you are. Yes, you are.

Yes, you are.

OK. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Put that down.

Put it down. Put it down.

Come on. Give me the coke.

Give me the cocaine.

Come on. Come on. Come on.

Let go. Let go.

Come on. Poochie, come on.

Come on, come on. Poochie.

The evidence room-where?

Agent Pissant, there's

a group of second graders...

from thejunior crimefighters

league in the auditorium.

I want you to give them

a few words on law enforcement.

Now.

As a special treat, kids...

we have

a real live FBI man here...

to talk to us

about what it's like...

to be a federal agent.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

It's a little loud.

The clapping's

a little loud.

Yes? Question? Question?

You have a question?

You don't have a quest-

You don't? You don't?

You do? You don't?

It's kind ofhot in here.

They're making pants tighter.

I don't know,

because I don't wear jeans.

Yes! Question?

I should buy a boat!

Don't you think? No?

Question?

God, I got to just-

Yes! You have a question?

No?

You do? You don't?

You do? You don't?

Oh, no, that's cool.

You don't have to.

No. You know,

just do your own thing.

I'm up here. You're

down there. That's cool.

OK, so-Yes?

Yeah, yeah, I know.

Who's this freak?

I don't know.

Get a shot ofhim.

What the hell are you doing?

They could be

watching the place.

Yeah, I know. That's why

I have the disguise on.

Ohh!

Who's that guy?

That's Shuster.

He's the, uh... director guy.

Who's next?

That's Brick Davis.

Is he the guy with the tan

and the muscular thighs?

What?

Who are

these two chuckleheads?

That's Cox and Darnell.

Hey, Paulie, write up

a card for Cox and Darnell.

Oh, come on, Leo.

I'm absorbing here, you know?

You'rejust lazy.

Make out a card.

Papa, I'm not lazy. I-I...

I don't even got

my reading glasses.

Aw, Jesus.

Is there anybody else?

Uh...

No.

I thought I saw a chick.

Yeah, here it is.

A lot of good that does us.

I was a little distracted.

Well, get undistracted,

dipshit. This is crunch time.

- Sorry.

- Hey, pop, relax.

OK, next time,

I'll take care of the pictures.

All right,

I want you to head...

straight

for the evidence room...

so we canjust end

this sh*t today.

You got it?

Got it.

Keep the engine running...

because I'm going right in

and coming right back out...

so you guys keep it running.

Hi.

Hi.

What you doing?

Oh, I brought you something.

Great.

This is just a little something

to get you through the day.

It's funny because it's true.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- I have to go now.

- OK.

Yes, I know.

That's Mandarin for "hello. "

I spent some time

in China myself.

You do speak Mandarin,

don't you? It's on your resume.

Yeah. No, I actually-

Ijust spoke it this morning.

I was just thrown off

by your dialect.

I was actually taught

the language...

by an upper-class family,

Su Sussudio.

You think I'm stupid,

don't you?

- No.

- Listen, you little punk.

I'm on to you.

I don't know

how you got this far...

but you can't bullshit

your way through the FBl.

You better watch your back.

You got that?

- You got it?

- Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Good.

Come on.

Shuster wants to see us.

It's about the Night Vulture.

This group

of neo-nazi skinheads...

is moving black tar heroin

for the Night Vulture.

They could be the vein that

leads us to the motherlode-

the Night Vulture himself.

The Night Vulture is number 6

on the most wanted list.

Pissant.

I want you to go in

and make a buy.

Great!

But don't you think

you might be, um-

ahem-wasting my talent

on something this simple?

I mean, why don't you get

Agent Cox and Darnell?

I mean, they seem like

really sweet guys.

We need a pro.

You will carry out

this assignment.

That is all.

Take down your pants.

We're going to tape this wire

to your crotch.

Oh, no, we can't do that,

but thank you.

- Why not?

- I have, uh...

very, very sensitive gonads.

All the men in my family do.

My grandpa

back in World War II...

is nicknamed

"Old cotton balls," so...

I don't want to hear any more

about your family's balls.

- OK.

- We'll tape it to your chest.

Cox, give me a razor.

We'll shave him.

Hmm?

Let's see

what you got today.

Come on. Man, you're

going to do five of them.

Come on, let's go,

you little wimp!

Hurry, let's go!

You ain't nothing.

You suck.

Come on, let's go. Let's go.

Howdy!

What do you want, b*tch?

I just thought

that I can get some heroin...

and then we can all go out

and commit some hate crimes.

Haah!

- We lost transmission.

- Are we going in?

No. Pissant's been

in this situation before.

I'm sure he can handle himself.

I've only been with

the FBI for, like, two days!

Take him

to the warehouse at pier seven.

You know, bad dogs aren't born,

they're made.

We're not gonna take it

No, we ain't gonna take it

We're not gonna take it

- Ooh!

- Ow!

Anymore

Oh!

Hey!

Ohh!

He must've disengaged his own

wire and left with them.

As soon as it went to static,

we went in...

but they were already gone.

- Sir, you have a call.

- Not now.

Sir, it's Agent Pissant.

Yes.

Hey, guys.

My God, Pissant.

You did this all by yourself?

Eichmann...

Come here, Eichmann.

Eichmann, that tickles.

Hey, hey, it's Pissant.

- Hey!

- All right!

Thank you.

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