Corky Romano Page #6

He didn't like to make toys.

And, uh, but that

actually made Rudolph...

feel like it was OK

to be different.

Do you remember that?

I don't have time

for this sh*t.

Come with me.

Agent Davisjust brought this

to my attention.

You wanna explain that?

Heh heh. Kinda looks like me,

doesn't it? A little...

It's because it is you, Judas.

Right in the belly

of the beast.

Looks like Mr. McFeely here...

has been

sleeping with the enemy.

Don't you see, sir?

He's been stealing evidence

for the family the whole time.

Well, it's not gonna happen.

I'm gonna make sure of that.

Pissant, is this true?

No, this is some-

This isn't me.

It's some postman.

- It's you.

- It's not.

- Yes, it is.

- Is not.

- It is you.

- Isn't!

- Yes, it is you.

- It's not me!

Knock it off, Davis!

Corky deserves a chance

to explain himself.

Knock it off?

You know, this buddy-buddy

shtick between you two...

is really starting

to wear thin.

What are you talking about?

You know damn well

what I'm talking about!

Pissant this and Pissant that.

"Hey, I got an idea.

Let's send Pissant. "

Well, I'm sick ofhearing

about Pissant.

When's the last time

you talked about me?

When's the last time

you congratulated me...

on a hostage negotiation

situation?

Or said, "Hey, Davis, bang-up

job on that wiretap"? Hmm?

It's like I don't even exist.

- That's not true.

- Yes, it is!

The other day,

I wore my badge...

on the outside

of my left lapel...

just to see if you'd notice.

Did you notice?

No. I got nothin'.

I'm sorry.

Maybe I was a little bit busy.

Yeah! Talkin' about

how great Pissant is!

Hey, Howard.

You wanted to see us?

Howard?!

What happened to "sir"?

It's "Mr. Shuster. "

And what is

with those ridiculous ties?

It's this jiggling

little fruitcake, isn't it?

- Christ! Relax, Brick.

- It's Agent Davis.

He's right. Relax, Brick.

You're right.

I'm sorry... Howard.

That's Agent Shuster!

Oh, what? I can't call you

by your first name...

'cause I'm not a member

of the groovy tie squad?

No, it's because

you're an a**hole.

I am not.

Yeah, you are.

Everyone thinks you are,

including your wife.

Why do you think she left you?

Well, her job relocated her

to Paris.

Bullshit. Right now

she's up in Kennebunkport...

gettin' poked

by some lobster fisherman.

- Aah!

- Come on, easy!

- You're dead!

- At ease!

I'm gonna kill you!

- Jesus, Corky, you scared me.

- Why are you still here?

I'm not leaving until

I get the old man on tape...

talking about murder.

Murder? I thought

we were trying to get him...

for gambling or tax evasion,

things like that.

No, that's nothing.

We wanna put him away for life.

Look...

this assignment is over, OK?

- You've gotta get out of here.

- No, I'm not done.

It's straight from Shuster.

You're through.

Well, I did it.

I got your evidence.

- You did?

- Yeah, only you know what?

I'm thinking about

giving it back.

- What?

- Kidnapping?

And-and-and-and murder?

What did you-what did you-

what did you think...

that I just wasn't

gonna figure it out?

Corky, I've been involved

in my share ofscams...

but I never done

none of those things.

That's bullshit.

You gotta believe me.

Why?

Why would I believe you?

I swear on your mother's eyes

I never done those things.

Where did you get this?

It's right-

It's here... in...

I don't know

specifically where...

but it's here

in the sworn testimony.

Pops, check out

the caldones on this broad.

Testimony?

Testimony by who?

Testimony?

You got the evidence?

Hey, Petey,

he got the evidence!

Good job, kid.

Yeah, I knew you had

the grapes for it.

Tell you what,

I'll get rid of this.

Wait a minute.

Not until I get

some answers here...

'cause there are some serious

accusations in this file.

Please, Corky, since when

do you give a damn...

about anything having to do

with this family?

Corky, let the adults talk.

Come here.

Now, you done a good job.

You got the evidence...

but you don't belong here,

so go home.

Oh, yeah! We are

back in business, fellas.

- Pops is back.

- I'll drink to that!

Ha ha ha ha!

Let's talk about...

What are you still doin' here?

Don't you got some puppies

to breastfeed?

I'm not going anywhere

until I'm damn well ready...

'cause I am sick

of being your lapdog.

Ooh, the other sister's

standing up for herself.

Ooh! Hey! Ow! Oh!

I'm as much a part of this

family as either one of you.

I put my life on the line.

I kept Pops out of jail.

I paid my dues.

Now you start showing me

a little goddamn respect!

All right!

You're a part of this family.

Now get off of me.

You wanna try that with me,

you little p*ssy?

Don't you touch him!

Pops, you're gonna get excited.

Shut up.

I'm already excited.

Now leave your brother alone.

Oh, sure, Pops. Take his side.

You always do take his side.

What are you talkin' about?

You sent him to college.

You never sent me to college.

You showed that nurse more

respect than you showed me!

I saw you teachin' her

how to read!

You never taught me

how to read!

Which is why I still don't know

how to read!

Don't be ridiculous.

Of course

you know how to read.

I see you with magazines

all the time-

Penthouse, Swank, Hustler.

Oh, sh*t.

You remember

that-that time...

I got arrested

at Tony Roma's...

for exposing myself

in the ladies' room?

I thought

it was the men's room!

And what about

the time that Uncle Leo...

sent me to the store

for a carton of marlboros...

and I come back with a-

with a carton of tampons?

Feminine products!

You thought it was funny,

right?

I was upstairs in my room

crying.

Don't stare at me like

I'm some kind of a freak...

because I'll tell you

all something else.

He's a homo.

No, I'm not, Pops.

Huh... I'm not-

I love boobies.

Oh, bullshit! You got

a collection of mesh tank tops.

You got a poster of

Matthew Perry in your bedroom.

You got Divas Live on DVD,

for Christ's sakes.

You are one big f*ggot.

Well, at least I can read

the labels, you illiterate mook!

Take it back, you fruit loop.

You want me to learn you

how to spell "dead man"?

- How 'bout some of this, then?

- How 'bout this, eh?

Stop it! Just stop it.

"Ooh, help me, I'm gay. "

"Ooh, I can't read. "

I don't care how gay you are...

and I don't care

how stupid you are.

Get over it! OK?

Get over it.

Huh?

- I can't read.

- I'm a fag.

All right. Shh.

All right.

All right,

everybody out of the room.

I need to speak

to my father...

alone.

- Really, I'm sorry.

- I'm sorry, too.

Corky! Look at you!

Takin' control of the family.

I never thought

I'd see the day.

I never thought I would,

either.

You know what

you looked like just now?

Your mother.

Your mother was the glue

that held this family together.

You got the same instincts.

I see a lot of her in you.

- Is that why you sent me away?

- You know what?

I sent you away

because I love you.

You're not cut out

for this business.

You're cut out

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes