Crash Page #3

that's exactly

what I was worried about right there.

Oh? You weren't afraid that

all your good friends at the studio

were gonna read about you in the morning

and realize he's actually black?

You need to calm down right now.

What I need is a husband who will not just

stand there while I am being molested!

They were cops for God sakes!

They had guns!

Maybe I should've let them

arrest your ass.

Sooner or later you gotta find out

what it is really like to be black.

F*** you, man.

Like you know.

The closest you ever came to being black,

Cameron, was watching The Cosby ShoW.

At least I wasn't watching it

with the rest of the equestrian team.

You're right, Cameron.

I got a lot to learn

'cause I haven't quite learned

how to shuck and jive.

Let me hear it again.

Thank you, mister policeman.

You sure is mighty kind

to us poor black folk.

You be sure to let me know next time

you wanna finger-f*** my wife.

How the f*** do you say

something like that to me?

You know, f*** you!

That's good. A little anger.

It's a bit late, but it's nice to see!

How's it goin'?

Okay.

You didn't get scared

or something, did you?

There's no monsters in the closet, right?

'Cause I hate monsters.

There's no such thing

as monsters.

Ah, that's a good thing.

I heard a bang.

Like a truck bang?

Like a gun.

That's funny, 'cause we moved

outta that bad neighborhood.

And there's not

too many guns around here.

How far can bullets go?

They go pretty far.

But they usually get stuck

in something and stop.

What if they don't?

You thinking about that bullet

that came through your window?

You think we should move again?

I like it here.

Me too. But if that bullet

found out where we lived...

Oh, hold on.

What?

So stupid!

How can I forget this?

What?

Nah. Forget it.

You ain't gonna believe me.

Tell me.

Okay.

When I was five, this fairy

came into my room one night.

- Right.

- See, I told you you weren't gonna believe me.

- Okay, go to sleep now, you little rat.

- No, tell me.

Okay.

So this fairy comes into my room and I'm like,

"Yeah, right, you're a fairy."

Anyway, we're talking, you know.

And she's flying all around the room,

knocking down all my posters and stuff.

She was flying?

She had these little stubby wings.

She could've glued 'em on, you know?

Like I'm gonna believe

she's a fairy.

So she said, "I'll prove it."

So she reaches

into her backpack.

And she pulls out

this invisible cloak.

She ties it around my neck, and she tells me

that it's impenetrable.

You know what

impenetrable means?

It means that nothing

can go through it.

No bullets. Nothing.

She told me that if I wore it,

nothing would hurt me.

So I did. And my whole life,

I never got shot, stabbed.

Nothing.

I mean, how weird is that?

Only she told me that I was supposed to give it

to my daughter on her fifth birthday.

And I forgot.

Can I touch it?

Sure, go ahead.

- I don't feel it.

- Yeah. It's pretty cool, huh?

I can take it off and tie it around your

shoulders. She told me how to do it.

- Unless you think it's stupid.

- Don't you need it?

No, not anymore.

So what do you think?

You want it?

Okay, let's get outta here.

Okay.

Put your head up.

Okay. Is that too tight?

Do you feel anything at all?

Good. Then it's just right.

Do I take it off

when I have a bath?

No, you leave it on

all the time.

Until you have a daughter when she turns five,

then you give it to her.

Okay?

Okay.

Okay. Good night, sweetie.

Good night.

Nah, nah. You wanna listen to music

of the oppressor, you go right ahead, man.

How in the lunacy of your mind

is hip-hop music of the oppressor?

Listen to it, man!

"N*gger this, n*gger that."

You think white people go around calling

each other honkies all day, man?

"Hey, honky, how's business??"'

"Going great, cracker.

We're diversifying."

How 'bout this, huh? Listen. You like that?

Man's singin' about lynchin' n*ggers.

And you think

there's a difference, don't you? Huh?

Gonna buy me a rope

and lynch me a n*gger

You have absolutely no idea where hip-hop

music comes from, do you?

I'd shoot 'em dead first

but I done broke my trigger

See, back in the '60s we had

smart, articulate black men.

Gonna get out my sheet

Put my hood on my head

Like Huey Newton, Bobby Seale,

Eldridge Cleaver, Fred Hampton.

Gonna string 'em up good

These brothers were speaking out,

and people were listening!

Then they'll be dead

Then the FBl said,

"No, we can't have that."

Home of the brave

and the land of the free

"Let's give the n*ggers

this music by a bunch of mumbling idiots

and sooner or later,

they'll all copy it, and nobody

will be able to understand

a f***ing word they say.

End of problem."

What the f*** was that, dawg?

- Holy sh*t!

- What?

Man, we done ran over a Chinaman.

You're sayin' there's a Chinaman

under this truck?

What part don't you understand?

There's a Chinaman stuck

underneath the f***ing truck.

Help me.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Ah, God. What the hell did he do,

just leap out in front of the truck?

Man! This is so

completely f***ed up.

Oh, really? No sh*t!

Okay, hold up.

Hold up, hold up, hold up.

- Get back in the truck.

- What?

- Yes, get back in the truck.

- You think we didn't drag him far enough?

No, we gonna drive away.

And he gonna let go.

He's not gonna let go, Anthony.

You know why? Because he's stuck

underneath the f***ing truck!

Now, if he could've let go, he probably would've

considered that option half a block back.

What you and I gotta do, just grab his arms

and pull him from underneath.

You grab his arm,

it's gonna fall off.

Then you gonna be standing in the street

holding a Chinaman's arm.

Then what your ass gonna do, huh?

If we leave this man here, he dies.

Then we're up for murder charges.

Just grab his arm.

We'll just pull him out.

I don't wanna cause any problems, Lieutenant.

I just want a new partner.

I understand. Your partner's a racist prick.

But you don't wanna stir up

any bad feelings with him.

He's been on the force for a long time.

Seventeen years.

And I do have to work here, sir.

So you don't mind

that there's a racist prick on the force.

You just don't want him

to ride in your car.

If you need me to go on record

about this, sir, I will.

That'd be great.

Write a full report.

Because I'm anxious to

understand how an obvious bigot

could've gone undetected

in this department for 17 years.

Eleven of which he was under

my personal supervision.

Which doesn't speak very highly

of my managerial skills.

But that's not your concern.

I can't wait to read it.

What if I said I wanted a new partner

for personal reasons?

So now you're saying he's not a racist prick,

you just don't like him.

- Yes, sir.

- That's not a good enough reason.

Then I guess I should think of a better one

and get back to you.

So you think I'm asking you

to make one up.

Uh, no, sir. I just can't

think of one...right now.

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