Creatures from the Pink Lagoon Page #4

of Butch over here.

Those gay zombies have messed

with the wrong queens!

Joseph, where did you get all

these squirt guns?

Toy stores

and hobby shops, mostly.

But this one... I had to

special order from an ad

in the back of Amazing Tales,

number twenty-two.

It's so big!

It's my pride andjoy.

The Galaxy Gusher 4000!

It has twin hydraulic

loading chambers

and automatic reverse

pumping action!

Yeah, but will it clean

the sheets afterwards?

Okay, here's the plan!

First, we have to report Gary

and Officer Harding's

disappearance.

Then...

The phone's dead.

It looks like the line's down.

Well, one of us is going

to have to go out there

and hook that

line back up.

You're kidding, right?

There are flesh-eating

monsters out there!

They're not at

the front door any more.

It looks like they've

moved down the beach.

It could be

another zombie trick.

They mightjust be

waiting to attack.

Even with the Butch 22,

we'll never outrun all those

zombies all the way into town!

We've got to contact the

authorities so they're waiting

on the other side of the bridge.

Well don't look at me.

I'm not risking

my hide out there.

No volunteers?

Then we're gonna

have to drawfor it.

So, we're all agreed then.

The person who picks

the flamingo has to go outside

and fix the phone line.

Nowwho wants to go first?

Here goes nothing.

It's you and me, old friend.

You wanna go first?

Aw, hell... why not?

Naturally.

The pretty one

has to go.

That zombie who bit Phillip

must've pulled down

the phone line when he died!

You think, Nancy Drew.

All you need to do is

take the line from his hand

and hook it back up to the

transformer box on the house.

I got it.

Nowgive me that gun,

would you?

Be careful out there, Randall.

Oh cripes,

I'm hooking up a phone line,

not going to the moon.

Screwthis.

Ifl'm gonna be the hero,

I need a smoke.

Well, aren't you ten pounds

of ugly in a five-pound sack?

Oh, poor Randall!

His insatiable desire

for cigarettes did him in!

I guess even smoking

can kill you!

He was the sweetest,

most considerate man

I've ever known!

And nowhe's... dead!

And we're next!

Forget the phone line,

we've gotta make a run for it!

Give me that squirt gun!

No!

Billy, honey, wait!

Don't go out there half-cocked!

We have to stick to the plan!

F*** you,

you f***ing gay zombies!

Thought you were

gonna get me, did ya?

Billy!

No!

Nowwe are notjust gonna

stand around and let those

repulsive creatures

pick us off one by one!

What can we do?

They've surrounded the house!

There are too many ofthem!

Bring me

that pistol over there.

I'm going to distract them while

you run for the foot bridge.

Stan!

No!

Child, don't argue with me!

It's the only way.

Nowget ready to hike up your

skirts and make a run for it!

Stan, please be careful.

I don't knowwhat I'd do

ifl lost you, too!

Honey, it's gonna take more

than a fewpeckish zombies

to bring this old girl down.

Don't you worry about a thing.

There was something you were

trying to tell me earlier.

Something about Bobby.

What was it?

Honey, Bobby's no good.

Promise me that if we

get out of this,

you're gonna

break up with him.

But why?

What is it

you're not telling me?

Phillip, your boyfriend

is a rest stop Betty!

What?

He cruises public rest areas

looking for anonymous sex.

No telling what kind of filth

he's bringing home to you!

That is a pack of lies!

Bobby would never do

such a thing!

Where did you hear

this rubbish?

Mary, don't ask!

Stan, please.

I may never see you again.

I have to know.

Well, I'm ashamed to admit it,

but I have been known to

frequent such rest stops

ofill repute myself,

from time to time.

Oh, hush now, child.

We're all adults here.

Nowwait a minute!

I knewl recognized

those zombies!

They're all men who cruise

the Exit 5 Rest Stop!

Exit 5?

That's right next door

to the chemical plant!

You don't think...?

They must've been bitten

by the tainted mosquitoes

in the swamp between the plant

and the rest stop!

And then the mosquito bites

gave them the West End Virus!

The virus kills them and then

brings them back to life

as homosexual

flesh-eating monsters!

And nowthey're radioactive?

No, honey.

They'rejust zombies.

Well I'm ready to give those

zombies the what for!

I'll cover you.

Run up to the bridge

and get help.

Take that, you filthy zombie!

Joseph, I'll take this one.

You go help Phillip.

- But...

- Go!

Phillip! Phillip!

You want some ofthis, too?

You want...

Wait a minute!

You were my high school

science teacher - Mr. Byron!

I knewyou were

cruising me in chem lab!

Class dismissed... teach.

I'm empty!

Bobby?

This is my house!

Nowyou just turn around

and march back out

the way you came in!

Don't make me use this!

Bobby, it is you!

Oh, I just knewyou'd come!

What happened to your face?

You look like... -

Oh, god, no!

NOOOOO!

Phillip!

Suck on this, undead scum!

Make a wish,

you putrid pole smoker!

Stan was right about you!

You sucked anonymous cock

at that rest stop

and nowyou're a zombie!

Oh, Bobby,

howcould you?

You told me you loved me!

And I believed you!

I'm a fool!

I'm a stupid,

lovesick little girl!

You are a sad and pathetic man,

Bobby Prentice.

You are a zombie,

and you don't want to be,

and there is nothing

you can do to change it.

Ifl'm going down,

I'm going down singing!

NOOOO!

Back off, pizza face!

I don't understand!

That should've been enough

Butch to stop ten zombies!

Oh, no!

Bobby wears Butch 22.

He must have built up

an immunity to it!

Aw, nuts!

What happened?

Why didn't he eat us?

I don't know.

Hejust stopped short, suddenly.

Nowit looks like

he's listening to something.

Wait, I hear something too.

Why it's... it's...

"Zing Went the Strings

of my Heart"

I don't believe it!

Bobby?

Are you okay?

It's not possible!

I think he's turning back

into the old Bobby!

The old handsome Bobby!

Gosh, that's great.

And look!

All the other zombies

are changing back to normal!

Man, I gotta

quit smoking menthols!

Hey, cupcake.

Bobby, is it really you?

I thought you were

gone for good!

What are you talking about?

I always come back, don't I?

No, I mean...

There were these zombies.

And yourface was...

What's with Poindexter

overthere?

Bobby, be serious.

That's Joseph.

He helped save...

What are you, his mother?

I don't need his life story.

All right.

It's not important.

Bobby, we need to talk...

Talk is cheap, baby.

I got you a birthday present.

Bobby, I told you

I didn't need a present.

Trust me.

This is one present

you do need.

Oh, Joseph!

You're okay!

I don't knowhow.

One minute those zombies

were ready to tear us apart,

the next they were regular

homosexuals again.

They were no match

for my secret weapon.

What secret weapon?

Honey, those zombies were

strong, but no homosexual -

not even a flesh-eating,

walking dead homosexual -

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