Daddy Day Care Page #4

Okay, let's try another play. Let's try this.

Let's try this. Here's what we'll do.

This new play's called the Baby Blitz.

I want you to hang back and do a lateral.

I want you to go down the middle

for a buttonhook.

I want you to be my blocker.

How about we just run in a circle?

We can do that. That's an even better play.

Everybody run in a circle.

Yes? All right, let's run in a circle.

Come on, run in a circle.

Tony, you'll see the ball a lot better

if you take your mask off.

I'm not Tony, I'm Flash.

How come you're not playing, little man?

Come on, it's football. You love football.

Help!

Help! Stuck!

I live in California.

- Where do you live?

- I am in Hong Kong.

Where's Hong Kong?

- Can you hear me now?

- I can't hear you.

Can you hear me now?

What is it?

I thought you liked football.

You're telling me you don't like...

I'll be right back,

little man. I got to go...

You got a little problem over there with Max.

- It's happening.

- What's happening? What is it?

Lt! It's happening.

He hasn't gone for a week. That's it.

Oh, no. That's... It's happening?

It's happening. I know the face. Look.

- You got to go and deal with that.

- I can't.

- What do you mean, you can't?

- I can't.

- Come on, you have to do it.

- I can't.

- Yes, you can.

- I can't.

- Yes, you can.

- All right, I will!

Good. Come on.

I can't.

Listen. I see you got issues about this...

so I'll take care of it this time, all right?

- In the future, you got to work it out.

- I got to work it out.

That's your son. God willing,

when you get older, he'll do this for you.

So you want to know he owes that to you.

- He owes me.

- He owes you.

- Don't get cute with the thing.

- I'm not assuming you're doing it.

- So how you want to do this?

- I can do this myself.

- You sure?

- Yes.

Okay, well, you go and do it

with your bad self. You go and do it now.

All right. You need anything,

I'm right out here.

Hey, big guy, how'd it go in there?

I missed.

What does that mean?

I missed.

Oh, hell, no.

- Come on!

- No.

Come on. Put this down.

You don't play with this.

And you ripped up my wife's flowers.

Give me this. You're not supposed to.

Go play with something else.

- What's going on here?

- It's spiralling out of control.

Don't panic. They're like animals.

They can smell fear.

I don't know what to do.

I've run out of ideas.

I'll tell you what...

Quietly, children. Follow me.

Six absences.

Single file.

I have to go make a phone call.

Let's get ready...

to rumble!

Let me tell you something,

I have never liked carrots.

And today as I stand here

and look at you before me...

having the audacity to think

that you can defeat me...

let me tell you something, brother,

I am about to kick your carrot butt!

Let me tell you something, Mr. Broccoli.

When The Carrot is done with you,

you will be nothing but a kumquat!

I will destroy everything in this world

that is broccoli.

The carrot is the lowest form of vegetable!

What about me?

Nobody likes broccoli.

Really? Well, Ben likes broccoli, don't you?

No.

You turned my own sprout against me?

Now you're gonna die!

Okay, come on. I felt that.

Come on.

Will you stop it?

That's it.

- What's that about?

- I'm sorry.

- You made me crazy!

- You little maniac!

You're wrecking my wife's tables.

Somebody's at the door.

My back.

Is this the Hinton residence?

I'm Dan Kubitz, Child Services.

I'm here to conduct

a compliance inspection.

No one said anything about any inspection.

We only do it if we receive a complaint.

A complaint?

Somebody complained about...

Come on in. You can inspect us.

We have nothing to hide.

You caught us at a crazy time.

We're playing with the kids.

Somebody complained about us?

So, where is the nap area?

- The nap area?

- Right.

We don't have a nap area.

We just let them fall asleep

wherever they drop.

"Sleep where they drop. "

Well, I think that should just about do it.

What's the bottom line?

Well, you need to correct

the deficiencies on this form.

And also...

you need to fill out

these compliance certification documents.

Who wants these, the carrot or the broccoli?

Carrot.

There's a lot of stuff on here.

So we can stay open, right?

As long you've done that by 9:00 a. m.

Tomorrow morning.

9:
00 a. m.

Good luck with this.

I like what you're doing.

I'd hate to be the guy to shut you down.

We'd hate for you to be that guy.

I will be. Don't want to be.

Okay. Safety gates

at the bottom of the stairs...

top of the stairs, bedrooms, bathrooms.

I've gone safety gate crazy.

How many kids have we got?

I've lost track, they run so fast.

You can get started on this batch over here.

- It's getting late. Let's just call it a night.

- We can't call it a night.

We got a bunch of kids coming

in five hours.

I'm serious. We know nothing

about running a day care centre.

We don't know anything.

We're not even good parents!

I'm a good parent.

- What does that mean?

- What?

That thing. What is that?

You know that rocket ship thing you do?

Ben doesn't even like that.

That just happens to be

Ben's favourite thing.

He lets you do it because you like it.

It's the one time you pay him attention.

- You don't change your kid's diapers.

- I don't like diapers.

You should teach your kid

how to go to the toilet and aim...

so we don't have to redecorate the place

when he goes.

You're right.

Let me tell you something.

My kid is 4 years old,

and for the first time today...

I saw him playing with the other kids,

just being a normal kid.

It felt great knowing

I had something to do with it.

We did that!

If we can do that, we can definitely

get this place up to code by dawn.

Let's go safety gate crazy.

Don't worry, he'll be fine.

It's all right.

- All I got is $5.

- I can break that.

Listen, I left the paperwork

on the kitchen table. It's not there.

Please tell me you have it.

I don't have it.

- Hey, guys.

- Marvin, what are you doing here?

The door was unlocked.

I got your final paycheques here.

Thanks.

So, what's going on here?

Don't even ask.

You can understand him?

Yeah, he's speaking Klingon.

That's Klingon.

I thought the kid was an idiot.

God, how much Star Trek

does that kid watch?

- Too much.

- The guy from Child Services is here.

- Sorry.

- No, listen. Why don't you do me a favour?

Why don't you take the kids in the back

and play with them?

Keep their attention for a while,

while I talk to this guy.

Whatever you do, don't let this big bruiser

get near the lawnmower. Thanks.

- Mr. Kubitz. Hi.

- I thought I was early, but...

- I was just getting the paperwork.

- Great.

- You dropped something.

- Yeah.

- The kids wanted to help out.

- That's sweet.

So here's everything for you.

What I'll need is your signature

on the back of her head.

And on the elbow of this kid.

- Do you have a pen?

- I do have a pen.

- This is my lucky pen.

- Thank you.

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