Daddy Day Care Page #5

- And where's on the...

- Initial the elbow.

- Sign the back of her head.

- On her neck?

- Great. That should just about do it.

- Here we go.

- You're ready to roll.

- Let's go in and get started.

Well, you know,

everything looks okay here...

but it says here

that you now have 11 children.

That's correct.

So I assume that you've hired

a third care provider.

Why would you just assume that?

Well, section 768 of the Child Welfare Code

specifically states...

that the ratio of children to care providers

cannot exceed 5:
1.

- The 768.04.

- 768.04.

The ratio thingy.

We resolved that this morning.

- Good.

- Yes.

We hired someone. We hired Marvin.

- Marvin was hired! He's with the kids.

- He's an excellent child-care worker.

I'd love to take a look,

if that's okay with you.

- You want to go out there?

- It'll be good for me to see for myself.

Let's go and have a look at Marvin.

Now, put your hands up. Now, wave them.

He certainly seems like

he knows what he's doing.

Of course.

- I've got to say that.

- Yeah, we interviewed a lot of people.

Yeah, it was a really long, gruelling

singling-out process.

And now, I'm a chicken.

I'm a bird. Look, I'm a bird.

You can never be too careful

when it comes to kids.

And here at Daddy Day Care we'll only work

with the best, so we got Marvin.

Sorry.

- What did you do to these kids?

- What?

- Are they on drugs?

- Well, there's this one kid, maybe.

How'd you get them to behave like this?

- Got to know how to handle them.

- How do you know that?

I read

Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care book.

It's not about Star Trek.

- Finish.

- Yeah.

You know, when I was in the back...

I spotted, under the eaves of the porch...

what looked like a beehive.

- A big one.

- Don't worry. All taken care of.

- I don't want anybody getting hurt.

- No hurt. Gone.

- You really have turned this around.

- Thank you very much.

- I'm impressed. I really am.

- Thank you.

For our own curiosity...

any chance you could

tell us where the complaint came from?

I really would love to,

but I have a relationship with the state.

- Just for our own curiosity.

- That was Miss Harridan.

- I'm sure she'll see us.

- We need to talk to you.

- Sorry. They just barged right in.

- That's quite all right, Jenny.

Gentlemen, please sit down.

Now, what can I do for you?

We wanted to thank you for helping

to expedite our accreditation process.

Thanks to your tip, somebody

from child services came to see us.

I had heard you opened

some sort of day care program...

and I was concerned.

That's nice of you.

You don't have to be concerned about us.

It's not you I'm concerned about.

It's the children you're looking after.

- Wait a minute. We're parents. That's a start.

- Any boob can be a parent.

If you want to screw up your own child,

that's your right.

But when it comes to other people's kids,

there's a higher standard to answer to.

Mr. Kubitz seems to think that we met

that standard. Show her the thing.

That piece of paper doesn't impress me.

We're getting it laminated.

You two are just some fly-by-night

operation looking to make a fast buck.

You're just afraid of the competition.

Let's go.

Competition? Don't flatter yourselves.

Daddy Day Care will never be

in the same league as this institution.

Laminated!

That wasn't as satisfying as I thought.

I think we can take her. All we need

is some garlic and a wooden stake.

You know what she said that was right?

These kids need more than watching.

Tomorrow we'll take it up a notch.

We got to start stimulating their minds.

- But I'm not a daddy.

- You don't have to be a daddy.

You're a male-type humanoid. That fits

in with the philosophy of the place.

I don't know, guys. I mean,

I guess I like hanging out with the kids.

It's kind of cool.

But I guess child-care wasn't necessarily...

an avenue that I felt professionally

I was headed towards.

- That's exactly what I said.

- Excuse me.

Yes, come on in!

- How are you?

- Hey, guys.

I am so sorry.

I forgot to write you a cheque this week.

Ever since the divorce,

my head's just been like...

- Are you the new daddy?

- I'm your daddy.

I'm not your daddy.

Well, I'm your baby's daddy. I'm not...

I'm not your baby's daddy.

I'm going to be...

You're Marvin.

Well, it's nice to meet

you, Marvin. I'm Kelli.

Dylan's mum.

- I got to run.

- Thank you.

- All right. Bye, guys.

- Have a good one.

- Thanks.

- Bye.

I'm in. Do you have a dental plan?

All right.

Your first assignment is to show us

how you handle kids the way you do.

Teach us.

If this were a business,

and they were customers...

how do you find out what they want?

- I'd put together a focus group.

- All right, let's do it.

We'd like you to tell us what you'd like

to get out of Daddy Day Care.

Help us to help you.

Who'd like to start?

We need more learning about things.

- More learning about things?

- Yes.

We're at a very critical age.

- You have to feed our minds.

- All right. You want to write that down?

"Feed our minds. "

Great. Okay, what else?

Dolphins. Dolphins are good.

- Dolphins are fish.

- No, they're not.

- They live in water.

- That doesn't mean they're fish.

Calm down and talk about something else.

What else would you like to talk about?

Where do babies come from?

Let's go back to the dolphin subject

and discuss dolphins...

or if there's anything else

on someone's mind we can talk about...

- other than that.

- Write that down.

- Okay, what else?

- Could we...

What were you going to say, Ben?

I can see you were going to say something.

What is it, son?

More...

- drawing?

- More drawings?

Yeah! Like pictures and

stuff. It's really fun.

- Okay, yeah, great. More drawings.

- Yeah!

- More chasing bad guys.

- Excellent idea.

We can chase Joker.

Well, wait a second, buddy.

That's Batman's bad guy.

You're Flash,

so you want to be chasing...

- Lex Luthor?

- No. That's Superman.

You want to be chasing Captain Boomerang,

Gorilla Grodd, Reverse Flash.

The Riddler?

What have you been doing to these kids?

Starting tomorrow, Phil will be hosting a

Three Stooges film festival in the TV room.

I know everybody's looking forward

to that, right?

Thanks, Daddy!

Last but not least, the Thumb Suckers

Support Group will have a meeting...

under the tree after nap time...

which starts right after

you finish your snack.

So after you finish, grab a blanket,

get a spot, and we have that.

Also, next week is going

to be Alpha Girls Group.

And we're going to have

Tai Chi under the tree.

And we're going to also have pet day,

so you bring your pets in.

We'll have pet show-and-tell.

This is my bunny. His name is Tiny.

I feed him a lot. Five times a day.

He poops a lot, too. Six times a day.

It's like little marbles.

This is my turtle, Sparks.

He's fast. He's the

fastest turtle in the world.

Go! Go, Sparks!

This is my parrot, Paulie.

I'm teaching him to talk. Talk.

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