Daddy Day Care Page #6

Shut up, butthead.

Okay, Becca, where's your pet?

I had a tarantula,

but I don't know where he is.

Okay, all right, don't panic.

What do you mean, don't panic?

There's a big spider in here.

I got a spider on my head!

- So what are we betting on today?

- I'm going to do a diaper stroke, okay?

All right.

Well, if it isn't the geniuses

that brought the world Veggie-Os.

- So, how's unemployment?

- Actually, I've got the best job I've ever had.

Yeah, it's a start-up.

We offer time-management facilitation

to mostly working professionals.

That's a tough market.

Sounds pretty cutthroat.

- Yeah. It's a real blood sport.

- What's the money like?

Bruce! Let's go, I got Botox.

Hi, Charlie. Hi, Phil.

- Hey, Crispin.

- What's up, little man?

How do you know my kid?

They're his day care teachers,

what do you think?

Day care? That's what it is?

Oh, my God.

You're wiping boogers for a living.

Losers.

You're paying us to do it, too, you know.

Losers.

"Do you like green eggs and ham?

"I do not like them, Sam-I-Am.

I do not like green eggs and ham.

"Would you like to eat them here or there?

"I would not like to eat them anywhere.

I do not like green eggs and ham.

"I do not like them, Sam-I-Am. " Okay?

Now see, he was going to punch Sam-I-Am,

but he walked away.

You don't punch, see?

He walked away with it.

Where's Mummy?

Mummy had to work today.

Remember when you used

to work all the times?

Yeah, back when I had a real job.

Do you miss work?

I guess. I suppose so. I miss it.

But don't get me wrong. It's not like

I don't like hanging out with you guys.

It's just that Daddy used to be

a big shot down at work.

I had my own office and a big, pretty view.

Remember that big, pretty view Daddy had?

I like it when you spin me around

in that cool chair.

Yeah, that's a cool chair.

A lot of cool things about that job.

Cool chair...

I had people working underneath me...

and, just between you and I,

the pay wasn't that bad either.

- Put that down. What do you think of that?

- What is it?

What do you mean?

It's a dog in the sunshine.

- It doesn't look like one.

- That's because it's abstract.

You have to squint when you look at it.

And when you see it like this,

that's abstract.

Yeah? You see it?

How about if you tilt your head to the side?

- No, the other way.

- Still doesn't look like one.

Okay, well, what are you over there

working on, Michelangelo?

What is that?

There's nothing abstract

about that now, is it?

Thanks.

That's pretty good.

You got Daddy's head

looking kind of round, though.

Is my head that round?

- No. But I got your moustache.

- Yeah, I see. A nice, green moustache.

That's all right, son.

I just paid the mortgage,

the car loan and the electric bill.

Look at the balance

in the chequing account.

- 74 cents.

- Yeah. That's right, 74 cents.

- You are my Superman.

- You got that right.

I've worked hard, and I think it's time

to let off a little of my frustration.

It's time for you

to take care of your Superman.

- My Superman. Come here, baby.

- That's right.

No! The monster's going to get me!

It's probably a nightmare.

- Be right back.

- Okay, hurry up. Mummy's coming!

No, I want Daddy.

- Did everything go okay?

- Yeah, everything's just fine.

What's that face for?

Since when does he like you

better than he likes me?

No, don't even trip. It's not like that.

I've just been spending more time with him,

so he wanted me.

He's getting much more confident.

Remember how he wouldn't play

with anyone else at first?

Now, he's even playing with

that kid, Crispin.

Crispin happened to say "thank you"

at lunch today without being told.

And that little girl Becca, she can read.

She's just a baby.

I seen her pick up a Curious George book,

sit down and read like a grownup.

What's that face?

I haven't seen you this excited

about something in a long time.

Yeah, I ain't going to front.

Them little crumb snatchers

got under my skin.

Mrs. Plager, I cannot continue

to expose the other children...

to such dangerous, self-destructive,

highly addictive behaviour.

So either Juliette stops the thumb sucking...

or you'll just have to find

yourself another preschool.

Are you busy?

Just pruning a few weeds from the garden.

What is it?

Okay, I just thought you should know...

we've lost three more students.

Are you seriously suggesting

you don't know where they are?

No, ma'am.

- I know where they are.

- So do I.

Daddy Day Care.

First, it was amusing.

Then it was annoying.

Now it's really starting to tick me off.

Get me a copy of

Child Day Care Services Regulations.

Phil, get the door.

Get the door!

All right, I got it.

Mr. Kubitz. What are you doing here?

- Is this a bad time?

- No, it's a great time.

Is the man of the house at home?

"Man of the house. "

Charlie! Mr. Kubitz is here

from Child Services!

I'll be right there.

So, let me ask you. Where are the kids?

Outside. Marvin's giving them

a puppet show.

Nice. What's on the program? Pinocchio?

Little Red Riding Hood?

No, Wrath of Khan.

- Mr. Kubitz. Hi!

- Hi.

- Wait! What are you doing?

- What?

- What's wrong with your face?

- My face?

What's all that stuff, man? Come on.

What's the matter with you?

Becca and Jamie.

If you'll excuse me,

I have to see two little girls...

because now I'm a big girl.

He's having fun with...

Mr. Kubitz, so what brings you here today?

- I've received another complaint...

- I guess we know who that came from.

I understand that you've acquired

three more children since my last visit.

Yes. We're 14 altogether now.

It's still three adults,

so we're still under the 5:1 ratio.

Right. But you see,

it's a totally different issue this time.

Charlie, can I talk to you for a second?

Mr. Kubitz, excuse me a second.

I'm going to go handle this.

- Have a cookie.

- Sure. Thanks.

What's going on?

- What's up?

- Flash is gone.

- What do you mean, gone? Gone where?

- I can't find him.

- You looked everywhere? In the garage?

- Everywhere.

What we going to do?

- Is there some kind of problem out here?

- Not at all, Mr. Kubitz.

We're just having a little conversation

about the...

- Okay, because if it's...

- No problem at all. Why don't you...

Kids! Why don't you meet

our good friend, Mr. Kubitz.

- Say hi.

- Hi, Mr. Kubitz.

Hi, guys.

Wouldn't it be nice

if Mr. Kubitz played with you guys...

while we had an important conversation?

- Would you be so kind?

- Is that a good idea?

We're having a grown-up conversation

the kids shouldn't be privy to.

- So just for a second. Please.

- Sure. That's different.

- I'll check the back yard.

- I'll go upstairs.

I'll check the basement.

Do we have a basement?

We have to do the laundry. God!

Oh, my God! They vapourised him!

He couldn't have got

far. I'll call the police.

- I'll call his parents.

- Lf only I were a Betazoid, I could sense him.

- Which kid is this?

- I don't know. What's your name?

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