Damsels in Distress Page #7

We'll never know. The past is gone,

so we might as well romanticize it.

You could be right.

l wanted to ask, how's Lily?

Lily.

She's okay.

Here, check it out.

A.L.A. Nope. Hello. Good afternoon.

Check it out. The A.L.A. Heard of it?

We have a meeting on Tuesday.

- You should come by.

- What is the A.L.A.?

Just join us. Come Tuesday.

l think you'll really like it.

So....

A fellow was passing these out, and

invited us to a meeting on Tuesday.

The A.L.A.?

Oh, my God.

l thought it was something related.

No?

The A.L.A. has got

nothing to do with us.

Can't you see that?

The way we express love

has meaning.

lt's in the context

of something beautiful.

We're following our creator's

teaching. Aspiring to an ideal.

A beautiful one that brings

an inexpressible closeness.

Not just to each other, but....

For the A.L.A.,

and those like them...

...the love act

is just hedonistic pleasure-seeking...

...of a perverted nature.

l can't believe you'd think we had

anything in common with them.

We don't.

Nothing, not an iota.

My God, can't you see that?

Lily. Lily, come back.

Please. Don't be that way.

- Oh, my gosh, Lily. Are you okay?

- lt's all right.

You don't wanna talk about it?

l don't understand.

- You don't understand what?

- What is non-procreative lovemaking?

- lt could be a lot of things.

- Yeah, but in this case?

- We don't have to talk about this.

- l don't mind.

Could somebody explain

what this is about?

Well, if--

Cathars don't believe

in procreative sex.

They don't have intercourse

the usual way.

The usual way?

- You don't have to talk about this.

- No, it's okay.

lt's the normal way, from the front

where you can have procreation...

...not from the other side,

where you can't.

The other side?

That's their religion?

No, but it's the direction

their beliefs head in.

When they express love,

that's what they do.

How horrible.

You poor girl.

What?

That's terrible...

...what he obliged Lily to do.

Violet.

Can we talk?

You must be pretty mad at me.

No.

You're not?

Not really.

But it was so terrible

how everything happened.

Your walking in on us.

Maybe it's easier that way.

That b*tch!

l can't believe it. what a b*tch.

- Priss?

- Of course Priss.

"l'm so stressed. Sad. Depressed.

l'm so tired. l'm fatigued."

She was so depressed...

...she had to get everything

her own way.

"l'm so stressed.

Frantic."

Man.

What a b*tch.

Priss dumped you?

No. lt was mutual.

Oh, listen, l have a question.

You remember that bean ball

that l left in your room?

Yeah.

Do you still have it?

Yeah.

Do you think l could get it back?

l lost the other one,

and with everything that's happened...

...l'd really like to have it.

Nothing like some bean ball

after a breakup.

Yeah. God, you're smart.

You always get it.

Whatever l say...

...you understand.

Man.

Hey, Heather.

- Hey.

- Hey.

Hey.

Violet.

Violet, what's wrong?

l'm sorry. Lily's lovely.

Now she's free. Go. l understand.

Latin! Et cetera!

- Yeah!

- Yeah!

This is what comes

from not teaching Latin in the schools.

Yeah, it's moronic and boorish, but

it's also kind of fun, don't you think?

No.

What's that stench?

l suppose this is what happens when

decadence rots society from within.

And from without.

Such a society is, l fear...

...destined to fail and be overrun.

Maybe that's good.

Finally. lt's about time those cesspools

were drained.

What color would you say

that chair is?

That's a chair?

l have no idea.

- Guys have preferences.

- You're going to accept that?

- You're not going to do anything?

- There's nothing to be done.

- Fred must know his own mind.

- Oh, really?

- l seriously doubt that.

- Come on.

Lily's got that slender,

delicately swelling beauty...

- ...that no man can resist.

- Okay, you're probably right.

Poor Lily. Just think of all Xavier

put her through.

He just used her body.

And not even the right side.

Have you noticed that good people

tend to have large posteriors?

Not everyone, by any means.

l know it's not logical.

But it does seem to be true.

The genetic link between morality

and large posteriors?

Yes, l think that's well known.

You and Violet have that build.

lt's nice.

You're still very attractive,

but also sensible and moralistic.

l don't. l have narrow hips,

but also no very strong principles.

Yes?

Oh, hi.

- Hi, Frank.

- Hey, Heather.

So l guess you guys all heard.

University's closing

all the Roman Letter Houses.

Sorry. This year's Roman Holidays

did seem like the end of civilization...

...but when civilization ends people

are going to need a place to stay.

Man.

lt's bad.

lt's that bastard

from The Complainer.

Someone from the administration's

been reading it.

Hard to believe.

Bastard.

Listen...

...we were wondering...

...if you thought it would be okay

if we stayed at the suicide center.

Okay, sure. That sounds like

a good stopgap measure.

Thank you. Thank you.

So there's one more thing.

Remember that bean ball

we talked about?

Yes.

You think l could pick that up?

Just after everything

that's happened, it--

l could really use it right now.

Yes.

- What's that?

- What?

The note.

One gets so few things written

by hand anymore, l guess l kept it.

"Out for brewskis, back in a giff."

What's a giff?

lt's the scooter.

Like a Vespa, right?

- That's what l thought.

- l was thinking about getting one.

You must've meant "jiff."

"Back in a jiff."

And then misspelled it,

or spelled it in a nonstandard way.

Yeah. Not a good speller.

Thanks.

You're great.

Priss was such a b*tch.

Damn.

Hey, Heather.

Bye.

- Bye.

- Bye.

Heather is really cute.

She going out with anyone?

There might be something

between her and Thor.

Thor?

Damn. Heather and Thor?

Damn.

l'm worried about Thor.

lt's hard for us to imagine...

...how upsetting it is

not knowing the colors.

lt's impossible for me to imagine.

When Thor sees a rainbow,

it's so much gibberish to him.

There was one this afternoon.

Oh, my gosh, he took it hard.

Recently, there was a parade

in the city...

...where the marchers carried

rainbow-colored flags and banners.

Thor was so upset.

He had no idea what it meant.

What kind of retard is he?

See, that's the conclusion

people jump to.

- Well, it is somewhat understandable.

- Not if you knew the full story.

What's the full story?

You know how parents

love bragging...

...about how precocious

their children are?

Thor's parents

had become precocity addicts...

...constantly needing

an ever-greater precocity fix.

He should've entered kindergarten.

They pushed him into first grade.

"Thor skipped a grade,"

they could tell.

What Thor's parents failed to consider

is the work done in nursery school.

Key being the study of colors.

l suppose they just assumed...

...that colors are knowledge

people pick up.

Like, for example,

not stepping on sidewalk cracks.

What's that?

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