Date and Switch Page #3

You're nowhere near having sex

with anything anytime soon.

I'm pretty sure

I can still hook it up with Ava.

F***. That guy?

Come on. One of us is gonna

make some progress today.

Reflections, the center

of Glen Ellen's gay universe.

It's good to be back at a bar.

Did you know that this is one of

my top five favorite bars?

Yeah, it is.

- Oh, thank you.

- Cool, cool, cool.

The only bar in town that doesn't care

how shitty our fake IDs are.

Dude, this is great.

Okay. Well, no wonder they let us in.

Dude, this is bad.

This is really bad. This is like a more

depressing version of a regular bar.

That guy over there looks like

he's having a great time.

Come on. Come on.

- Hey, guys. How's it going?

- Hey, guys.

Are you guys new?

You're probably new.

Everyone here is a regular.

I'd recognize you if you were new.

Yeah, yeah. This is Matty.

I'm Michael. He's gay, I'm not.

- I'm Jared and I'm very gay.

- Yeah, we noticed.

Do you guys go to Glen Ellen?

It's cool. I go to Valley Springs.

Go Panthers.

I feel like I know the scene there...

...and you guys seem like

GHS kids. Boo, Huskies.

- Yeah, yeah, we go to Glen Ellen.

- Awesome.

So do you wanna f*** later?

Holy sh*t.

Dude, that guy is ready to f*** now.

What's wrong?

He has a ring in his eyebrow

and glitter on his everything.

- So?

- He was too gay.

Don't be homophobic, bro.

- Come on, now, what's your type?

- I don't think I have a type.

Of course you do. What is it?

Look, we should just chill out,

like, have a beer, relax.

- Can we do that, please?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Hi, again.

- Hey, Jared.

It's gonna be a no for the f***ing.

Shh, gonna get some E.

Want some E?

- You want some.

- Don't want any ecstasy.

I'll get you some E and then we'll talk.

- E for enthusiasm.

- Yeah, certainly.

- This is useless.

- You're super lucky.

Look, when you're gay,

you get nonstop sex all the time...

...no strings attached. It's amazing.

I'm not gonna just have sex

with anyone because I'm gay.

- I'm gay, I'm not a whore.

- I'm back with your ecstasy, boys.

We were very specific.

We don't want it.

Have you even tried it before?

Oh, my God.

- You're really good at dancing.

- I don't think I'm dancing.

Jared, get out of here.

Leave those guys alone.

Mr. Vernon, you're here?

Yeah, so are you.

We're all here.

Chris, you remember

Michael and Matty from school?

- Hey, guys.

- Mr. Dennis.

- You used to be in my fourth period.

- You gave me a C.

So you're not gonna

talk about this to anyone?

Oh, no, no. Of course not. I think it would

be a good idea if you guys went home.

I can't really talk to you

while you're underage drinking.

- Of course.

- Yeah.

And it'd be nice to keep this quiet

on both ends, if that makes sense.

- Totally understand.

- Yeah.

I really look forward to not making

eye contact with you tomorrow at school.

Dude, Mr. Vernon. I had no idea.

Yeah, and Mr. Dennis?

You think they've done it at school?

Come on, man.

By the way, I appreciate the sentiment.

But this is the worst and only gay bar

I've ever been to.

- Oh, f***.

- What the F?

- Oh, f*** a duck.

- Oh, sh*t.

What were you doing?

I'm driving, man. Not my fault

you drive the smallest car in the universe.

What is that? Is that like a Diet Kia?

You could have injured us.

You even care?

You just said "could have."

You've officially acknowledged

that no harm has been done. Okay.

This thing is trashed.

I'm gonna need a new thing.

Look at this.

Now, this is the time when we

get our insurance information.

Um, uh, uh, uh.

No. I'm gonna go ahead

and leave now, okay?

- Dude.

- What the f***?

Come on.

Hey! Hey, stop.

Yeah, you're not gonna run me over.

- Be cool.

- He just wants to talk.

- Chill, man.

- I'm totally chill. Super chill. I'm very cool.

- You smell like an old tent.

- What's wrong with you?

I have a Baconator

and I wanna get home and eat it.

The f***'s a Baconator?

It's a really delicious sandwich

from Wendy's.

Dude, just give me your information.

- Mike, we should call the cops.

- We can't call the cops.

We're underage

and we had a bunch of beers.

- Did you just...? Did you push me?

- Maybe.

Okay, then it's gonna be go time.

- Which is... It's okay, it's just...

- Oh, sh*t.

- What was that, dude? You tripped me?

- Heh, yeah, I did.

You tripped me?

Who the f*** trips people?

I do. I took a vow recently

that I would stop punching people.

Because I was doing that too much.

I'm trying to be less violent in general.

So okay.

- He did trip you, like, really well.

- I know, dude. But whose side are you on?

- All right.

- Ha, ha.

Dude, that was actually pretty dope.

I think we're ready.

That's the audition song.

Yeah, yeah. Well, Mike...

...we've actually been having

some discussions...

- ...about the direction of the band.

- What's that mean?

Well, we've been talking.

And we think it's about time we add

some songs with vocals to the set list.

Like Cheers and Charles in Charge.

Saved by the Bell.

Saved by the Bell: College Years.

Yeah, the list goes on and on.

And more importantly,

Mr. Vernon told me:

"You're not playing prom

unless you have a singer."

Yeah, well, that's not what we are.

That's not what we do. So....

- I mean, who would even sing?

- You would.

What? No, I can't.

You have a beautiful voice. You were

the star of that musical in third grade.

Thank you.

But no. No, no way. I mean,

I'm not gonna sing in front of people.

Why do we have to change up things?

Everything's fine the way it is right now.

- Hey, fags.

- Sh*t, it's your brother.

- Time's up. Get out of the garage.

- It's not 5:
00 yet, Lars.

Yeah, well, we're starting early.

Got to nail down this Daughtry medley.

Oh, that's a medley? I thought that was

one incredibly long, incredibly shitty song.

Nice try, Matty. But you can't rile me up.

We're so focused and tight right now.

- Me, Brandon and Chad.

- I'm Mark.

You're 30 and you play

with high school kids.

And our band rules. Now get the f*** out

of the garage so we can practice.

- Fine.

- Come on. I wanna show you my lizards.

All right, Mikey. I have compiled

a list of songs that have vocals.

I want you to learn the lyrics. And next

time we're in here, we'll rock them out.

Okay, so this club is called

Club Monsoon.

And it looks like it's on the Eastside.

Am I gonna end up

with a glow stick up my ass?

Yes, but the man holding that glow stick

just might be your future husband.

- Hello, welcome to Club Monsoon.

- Hey.

- For two?

- Yeah.

Glow sticks.

Do you think these guys know

they're living a clich?

How are you supposed

to meet anybody?

I think you just dance with them until

their dick accidentally slips inside of you.

All right.

Excuse me.

Sir, a little bit of space,

a little bit more space. Okay.

Okay, all right. My fault for being here.

Two mojitos, please.

- Can we hit that?

- It's not what you think it is.

- That isn't some of that dank Kush?

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