Date and Switch Page #4

- No, it's salvia.

It gives you the best dream of your life

for 15 minutes, and then it's over.

- Is it safe?

- Well, it's legal.

Whoa, you guys got to be in your

underwear to be in the foam room.

No shirt, no shoes, no pants.

That's our policy.

Shirt? I'm not even wearing a face.

Woo-hoo!

Above and beyond, gentlemen.

It's a waterfall!

This is the best waterfall I've ever seen!

Yeah!

You guys are such good dancers.

Music is shooting out of his body.

It's magical.

What if there was no clocks ever?

What would you do?

What would you do?

If there was no clocks, no time.

- Build a clock.

- Uh-huh.

- Jared!

- Jared!

- Okay.

- Somebody's not wearing panties tonight.

This is the best night of my life!

It was fun. It was fun, right?

Not too bad. Not bad at all.

Just hanging out in there,

just doing stuff.

- Not different from what we usually do.

- What are you talking about?

We were dancing naked with a bunch

of dudes in a room full of foam.

Like that one time

when I made us take tango lessons...

- ...because it'd help us meet girls.

- It's not. This is different.

Different than anything

we've ever done in our lives, ever.

Well, at least, you know,

we're still doing it together.

Yeah, but, dude, is this my future?

A bunch of trips to Club Monsoon?

Is that so bad? They had, like,

cool furniture and lights and stuff.

- It was like Europe in there.

- Not all of Europe is gay.

Whatever. Dude, the important

thing is we're still friends.

We've got the brownie, all that stuff.

Everything is better with lasers

and smoke machines.

You love lasers and smoke.

That was a paradise for you.

Am I wrong? I know you.

I know you better than anyone.

Dude, it was amazing.

It was like Europe.

It was also in the future,

and also, it's a horror movie.

- What are you doing?

- I got locked out of my house.

Can I come in?

She was just texting on her phone

throughout the entire movie.

And I was so mad I was just throwing

popcorn in her face without realizing it.

You haven't been listening

to anything I'm saying, have you?

- No, yeah, I am.

- Wait a minute. Are you high?

- No.

- You totally are.

I can tell.

You're never this quiet for this long.

Yeah. I smoked salvia tonight.

Holy sh*t. Was it awesome?

- No.

- You seem kind of traumatized.

It's okay. You don't have to tell me

about it right now.

You can tell me about it

whenever you want, really.

You can talk to me about anything,

whenever you want.

- You're patting me on the head like a dog.

- I am doing that. Heh, I'm sorry.

Wait.

You are drunk.

- Heh, yeah.

- I knew it.

- You're all chatty and sh*t.

- I killed a bunch of my dad's bourbon.

- Nice.

- And then you came over.

And now we're here,

with cheese and bread.

You, me, cheese, bread, here.

Life sucks.

Yeah, life sucks.

But I guess sometimes it doesn't.

Wait, wait, wait.

What are we doing?

I don't know. What are you doing?

I don't know.

- What are you doing?

- Oh, hey.

Uh....

- I should go, heh.

- Yeah, heh, you should.

Yeah.

My clothes are over there.

So can you turn around?

Okay.

Should we talk about

what happened last night?

We were f***ed up.

We are, in general, f***ed up.

If it had to be with a girl,

I'm glad it was with you.

Thank you?

Yeah.

Bye.

Reading? I love books.

Books are like word movies.

- What do you want, Michael?

- Nothing, just two friends hanging out.

- Talking, swapping stories.

- You just spit on me.

Did I? Sorry, that happens

when I start talking too fast.

I think some of it got in my mouth.

- Do you wanna go to prom with me?

- What? No.

Okay. I know I dumped you

and that was probably painful...

...but I realized that was a mistake

and I think we can get past that.

- I'm going with Anthony.

- Really?

Or Lucas or Damien. You know, there's

a lot of balls in the air right now, so....

- There are? What happened?

- I'm dating around.

Dating around? You don't...

You don't date around...

That's not... You were...

You know, you were...

- We didn't even get past third base.

- We never got past second.

It's an imprecise metaphorical system.

It's open to interpretation.

- You just spit on me again.

- Sorry.

- I have to go. I'm late for color guard.

- You can't guard colors.

It's a stupid name.

It should be called flag spinning.

Hey, welcome to Catch a Burger.

Those are sweet cargo shorts.

- Thanks.

- May I take your order? I'm Pete.

Yes, I would like a Bacon Symphony

and a large order of fries.

- Okay, 5.66.

- Here you go.

And can I give your change to the Catch

a Burger Courageous Kids Program?

- No, thank you. I'll just take the change.

- I guess you can't afford the 34 cents.

Or you wanted to put it to better use

than Courageous Kids.

I mean....

Yeah, you know what? I'll give

my money to the kids' program. Sure.

For $2, I can make you a Catch

a Burger Courageous Kids Ambassador.

Thank you,

but I'd just like to eat my food.

Yeah, yeah.

- Hey, do you have parents?

- Yeah. Everyone has parents.

Not the Catch a Burger Courageous Kids.

They're orphans, man.

- That's what makes them so courageous.

- $2?

- It's $2.

- Yeah, I have $2.

Thanks so much. Just put it in the box.

- Fill out one of those guys for me.

- Can I order while he's doing this?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Okay.

You know what would be really cool?

If you'd do what he's doing preemptively.

It's 2 bucks, really help a lot of kids.

- I haven't ordered.

- Big man is doing it...

...and he looks like

he has f***ing no money.

- Okay. Let's do it. Yeah.

- Thanks, bro.

- I met you at the place before.

- Yes, I struck you with my truck.

- Hey, do you guys have little brothers?

- Um, I have an older brother.

No, I'm talking about

the Big Brother program.

You're the right age.

I've done it for three years.

And it has been the best experience

of my whole life.

Really changed me, you know?

I gotta tell you about my brother, Pirom.

He's from Cambodia.

Came over here on a boat

when he was a baby.

He lost his father when he was 2.

Now he plays the f***ing cello, man.

Heh, imagine that.

That guy's incredible.

That guy's like a drug dealer

for the concept of charity.

Um, I think I owe you an apology

for my behavior the other night.

I was not in a good place.

Um, I'd just taken my dog to the vet

because he ate an entire soccer ball.

- Oh, man.

- Yeah.

Well, I'm sorry too.

My buddy gets really nervous sometimes.

- Or all the time.

- Well, I'm very intimidating.

Yeah, I'm the toughest guy you're

even gonna meet outside Reflections.

Okay? Right here. All right.

You, uh, you like that place?

You like that scene?

Um, it was interesting.

Yeah, it was my first time there, so....

Is that a place that you often, uh,

are around or, uh, inside of?

Not much on ambience.

But they do have this one incredible

craft beer that you gotta try.

It's not to be missed.

It's called Bud Light. It's so good.

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