Date Night Page #3

-We know you're scamming us.

With the sob story

and the really specific amount of money.. .

-Too many details about your life.

-Too many details.

No, we're not falling for it.

Find somebody from Connecticut.

But, okay, okay. Just in case,

l'm gonna give you $5

even though l know it's a scam.

And l only have a 20,

so l'm gonna give that to you even

though it should be a five. Scam.

They had no idea

who they were dealing with.

(ELECTRO-PSYCHEDELlC MUSlC

PLAYlNG ON PA)

-Hi, how are you?

-Name, please.

We actually don't have a reservation.

Yeah, we've been trying to call,

but we couldn't get through.

Yeah, we're scooper-duper busy.

l figured as much.

We were hoping to get here earlier,

actually get a table.

-You didn't quite make it, did you?

-Nope.

But do you have any tables open?

Yeah.. . The thing is,

is people make reservations,

like, a month in advance.

And so now it's a Friday, at 7:30,

on the bustling island of Manhattan, so.. .

No.

Well, the thing is,

my wife and l are on a date,

and we were hoping

that tonight would be sort of special.

-How sweet.

-Thanks.

And we just thought that eating at Claw

might be an integral part

of that experience.

So, just asking you

if maybe you have any tables available?

Okay, well, l'm gonna have to ask you

to wait at the bar,

and if anything opens up,

we'll come get you, okay?

-Thank you.

-Mank you!

Okay. We'll be standing over there.

Okay. l've already forgotten about you.

-All right.

-(PHONE RlNGlNG)

This is Claw, you're welcome.

PHlL:
You know what?

l have a feeling we're gonna get a table.

l think tonight we're going to get lucky.

Wow. Must be nice.

l didn't.. . l have no idea

what you're talking about.

Thank you. You're very kind.

-You want a drink?

-Yes, please.

Something with an edible garnish.

l'm so hungry.

Hello? Hi! Two chardonnays, please.

Could l have some.. .

-Sort of distracted.

-Maybe we should go someplace else.

-No, no. Just give it some time.

-Tripplehorn, party of two?

l just.. . l want tonight to be different,

you know?

l know. And so do l.

But it's just not in the cards, right?

-Tripplehorn, party of two?

-So let's just head back.

No, no. We're good.

-Look around. This place isn't us.

-Tripplehorn, party of two? Tripplehorn?

What do you say? Teaneck Tavern?

Cozy booth for two?

-lt's fine. Really.

-No.

No, it's not.

Tripplehorn, party of two?

Us. Us!

We are the Tripplehorns.

Great. This way.

-What are you doing, Phil?

-Trust me. lt's fine.

Honey, l don't think

we should be doing this.

And here we are.

-May l take your coat?

-Yes. Thank you.

-Enjoy your meal.

-Thank you.

-Look at this table.

-Honey, l.. .

No, no! Hon, no. Look.

The Tripplehorns are a no-show.

Who are we hurting?

l say we sit back, relax,

and enjoy a spread

of their finest fruits of the sea.

Or l will just suck on a napkin.

Holy mama, look at these prices.

lf we're gonna pay this much for crab,

it better sing and dance

and introduce us to the Little Mermaid.

Hey. Here's to a great night.

Oh, no, wait, isn't it bad luck

to toast with an empty glass?

l don't think that's a thing.

CLAlRE:
Mmm. l would trade Charlotte

for a lifetime supply of risotto.

PHlL:
(LAUGHlNG)

What does that even mean?

CLAlRE:
l just thought it'd be cool.

-Not Ollie, but Charlotte, yes.

-l understand. No, l understand.

Mmm.

Oh. Hey, what's the story?

Yes. Okay. He is a successful financier,

and she is getting drunk enough

to get through what's gonna happen later.

'Cause he likes to do weird stuff.

He's gonna call her by his mom's name.

(LAUGHlNG)

Okay, yeah. Back here. What's the story?

He is a record producer.

And she is an act that he wants to sign.

Oh, no, that's Will.i .am.

Better yet. That's Will.i .am,

-and she is a backup singer.

-No.

No, but that's actually Will.i .am.

That's Will.i .am. From Fergie.

Oh, my God!

lf l knew anything about Will.i .am,

l'd be really psyched right now.

Oh! You know what? Okay.

Give me your phone.

-What? Why?

-l'm taking a picture.

-What?

-l'm.. . Give me your phone.

-You're walking over there.

-No.

-l'm gonna be that guy.

-No.

-Yeah. Go ahead. Go over.

-This is dumb.

-And you're gonna make a fool of yourself.

-Okay.

Do it. Do it.

This is gonna embarrass you so much.

(MOUTHlNG) Did you get it?

(WHlSPERlNG) Did you get it?

Did you get it?

-(LAUGHlNG) Oh, no! Oh, wow!

-Did you get it? What?

-You.. .

-Good.

(GlGGLlNG GlRLlSHLY)

You are a freak.

l can't believe you'd actually do it.

Excuse me, Mr. and Mrs. Tripplehorn?

-Oh. Yes?

-Oh, well.

Hello. Yes, we are the Tripplehorn. Horns.

-Oh, boy.

-Who, might l ask, are you,

to be asking us who we are?

We just wanted to have

a few words with you, if that's okay.

-And what is this about?

-l think you know.

Why don't we save everyone

a lot of embarrassment,

have this conversation in private?

Okay. But can l have

the rest of my risotto wrapped?

Because these truffles are amazing

and super expensive.

Get up. Now.

Honey?

Get up. Now.

(BOTH LAUGHlNG)

Okay. All right. (CLEARS THROAT)

-Okay.

-Okay.

-Yeah, l think you need to move. Now.

-Just.. .

-Okay.

-We'll follow you.

-That's an expensive bottle.

-Yeah, l know.

-l'll get your glasses.

-Hello.

We are leaving by choice.

Leaving by choice right now.

PHlL:
Watch your step.

(CLAlRE SlGHlNG)

CLAlRE:
Come on, guys,

what's the big deal?

We didn't hurt anyone, right?

lf l were you, l wouldn't say another word,

you thieving b*tch.

-Excuse me, l don't like that.

-Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Let's just dial it down a little bit, guys.. .

-Hey! What are you doing?

-CLAlRE:
Hey!

-Get away! Get off! What are you doing?

-Hey!

-Get.. . Hey, my wallet!

-CLAlRE:
Oh, my God.

-l'm starting to get.. . Stop it!

-Give me my phone! Get away from me!

Okay, l am getting seriously pissed off.

This is going way beyond

a negative review in Zagat.

(EX CLAlMS )

Now l'm gonna have to pick that risotto

up off the ground to eat it.

l wanna talk to your boss right now!

l think we both know

that's not gonna happen, Mr. Tripplehorn,

or should l say,

Phil Foster.

Next time you make a dinner reservation,

don't use the same alias

as your ransom notes, you dick.

Ransom note?

CLAlRE:
Listen, we are just a regular,

boring couple from New Jersey.

-Let's just get this done.

-Get what done? What do you want?

You know what we want.

-We don't actually. We really don't.

-No, we don't.

You know what we want.

We want the flash drive!

All right, all right, all right! Okay, l'm sorry.

Did you really think you could steal

from Joe Miletto and get away with it?

Okay, someone somewhere

is making a huge mistake.

-Yeah, guys. Seriously, this is.. .

-This is a mistake.

This is just a big, big,

goofy misunderstanding.

-Yeah.

-We are Phil and Claire Foster.

We don't know anything

about a ransom note.

-We don't have a flash drive, l assure you.

-No.

You were sitting at the table.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes