Date Night Page #4

The girl at the front said

you were the Tripplehorns.

-No, no, no, no.

-Okay, let me.. . Okay. Let me explain.

My husband, very sweetly, but delusionally,

thought that we could

make it here early enough to get a table.

And we didn't. We were late,

because he won't listen

to the lady in the car,

-so they were very rude to us.

-They were so rude! That one guy.. .

And when we heard them

calling the reservation for Tripplehorns,

-he was, like, ''Us! Us! ''

-''Us! Us! '' That's.. .

CLAlRE:
And so we took it.

PHlL:
Just going for it.

And then we had a great time.

l'm not gonna lie to you.

We had a great time.

-So much fun.

-The food, unbelievable.

-So good.

-So good.

-But then you came over.. .

-We had this rice thing.. .

Look, shut up! l don't wanna hear that.

So you just took

somebody else's reservation?

-For the record, l was against it.

-l.. .

But my husband gets

these plans in his head,

-and it becomes, like, a thing.

-l'm an idiot sometimes.

Shut up. Shut up.

-l believe you're the Fosters.

-Thank you.

l also believe

you go by the alias ''Tripplehorn''

-and that you stole my boss's property.

-No. No.

And now you're just

too scared shitless to admit it.

So l will give you three seconds

to give us back the flash drive!

What.. . Okay. The three seconds game?

Sorry, sir. But, you know,

l play this every day with my kids.

-She invented that thing.

-That's not scary.

l will blow a hole in your face.

-This is a different version.

-One.. .

Okay, big mistake. This is all just a big.. .

...two...

Hey! God! No!

He turned it sideways. Kill shot!

-Kitchen! Kitchen people!

-That's a kill shot! God!

-.. .three!

-PHlL:
No, no, no, no, no!

All right! All right! All right!

l've got it! l've got it! l've got it!

-He's gonna kill us both! What?

-l've got the flash drive.

-Thought so.

-Where is it?

lt's in the park.

-The park?

-Could you be more specific?

The Central Park.

Okay, this is what's gonna happen.

We're all gonna take

a little field trip to the Central Park,

and you're gonna show us

exactly where it is. Okay?

Okay.

-Move!

-Okay!

CLAlRE:
Oh, God. Oh, my God, Phil.

We're going to a second location.

Oh, we're getting in a car.

That's always bad.

(DOOR LOCK CLlCKlNG)

Yeah, 'cause we left the door unlocked.

They're locked.

You locked that one, too.

Good call. l would've done that.

(WHlSPERlNG) Why did you bring us

to the most deserted place in New York?

l don't know, Claire. The gun was sideways.

We gotta get someplace populated.

Well, maybe there'll be people there.

Some closeted gay men, or.. .

-No, no. No. Night boating.

-Night boating?

Night boating. lt's very popular here.

l read an article about it.

We'll be fine.

We need to go to the boathouse.

Get out.

CLAlRE:
There's nobody here.

(WHlSPERlNG) Okay. You know,

the night boating thing

might have been in Seattle.

l think l may have led us off track

a little bit here.

COLLlNS:
Open the door.

l think you're gonna have to break in,

'cause l don't have a key on me.

(WHlMPERS )

Stay put.

CLAlRE:
(WHlSPERlNG) We have to get

near people immediately.

CLAlRE:
(WHlSPERlNG) We have to get

near people immediately.

You tell them that you have a condition

and we need medicine,

and you've left the medicine in the car

and it's medicine

that can only be administered by a doctor.

-Good, good, good. Why?

-lt's for your penis.

lt's intravenous penis medicine,

and you're very shy, so we have to get

-to the nearest hospital.

-What's wrong with my penis?

(SCREAMS )

-Let's go.

-Okay.

COLLlNS:
Move it, man.

PHlL:
Okay.

Where is it?

Okay, here's the problem.

Phil has kind of a serious medical issue.. .

-Claire, just give him the flash drive.

-What? We have to.. .

Claire, just show them

where the flash drive is.

lt's not gonna work.

-We need to get to a hospital.. .

-Claire.. .

Have to give them the flash drive, Claire.

But your penis!

lt is a two-step procedure.. .

-Claire.. .

-.. .that needs to be done by a nurse.. .

-PHlL:
Just.. . lt's not.. .

-.. .a registered nurse,

-because there's a two-step process.. .

-My penis is fine.

-My penis is fine!

-.. .with a numbing cream.

-And there can be a lot of blood.

-Show him where it is!

-A lot of penis blood!

-Show him where it is!

-Hey!

-PHlL:
Come on.. .

Be a good girl and listen to your husband.

Yeah, be a good girl. Listen to me.

Okay, l put the flash drive over there,

-in the corner.

-Honey.. . Yep.

Where in the corner? Show us.

Show him.

COLLlNS:
Come on.

CLAlRE:
Okay.

Move. lt's not a game.

CLAlRE:
You're gonna have to pry up

one of these floor boards.

lt's under there.

This one.

You gotta pry it.

lt's in here.

ARMSTRONG:
ln here? Where?

l don't see it.

Wait.. . Look over there. lt's.. .

l put it in a sandwich bag,

so that it wouldn't.. .

(GRUNTS )

-(EX CLAlMS ) Ow!

-PHlL:
Hey!

(YELLlNG)

Let's go! Let's go!

Come on. Come on!

-Honey, here. Get in.

-Okay.

Come on!

(MOTOR WHlRRlNG)

CLAlRE:
Come on, come on,

come on, come on, come on!

-Crank it!

-PHlL:
lt's cranked!

Come on. Come on. Come on!

(BOTH EX CLAlMlNG)

PHlL:
Stay down, stay down.

Come on.

-PHlL:
Come on! We got this. Come on.

-Okay.

PHlL:
Here we go. Here we go.

PHlL:
Pick it up. (GRUNTS ) Run!

We are going to die!

l don't want the kids

to live with your mother.

-What?

-She's awful!

-Wait, can you see?

-No!

(PANTlNG) Oh, God. Oh, God.

Come on.

PHlL:
Come on.

COLLlNS:
How the hell did this happen?

These two are not at all what they seem.

You're dead, you hear me? You are dead!

(BOTH GRUNTlNG)

Come on.

(PANTlNG) They were.. . Oh, my God!

-(PANTlNG) Oh, my God.

-Are you okay?

Mmm-hmm.

Oh, God, Phil! Come on!

Okay. (EX CLAlMS lN DlSGUST)

We gotta do more cardio.

l'm not out of shape, l'm scared!

Oh, my God. Me, too. Me, too.

-You done?

-Mmm-hmm.

-Okay.

-(VOMlTlNG)

Okay. Let it out.

Let it all out.

-Oh, my God. Are you bleeding?

-(GAGGlNG) lt's the cabernet.

Okay. We gotta go.

l'm sorry. Do you have any gum?

CLAlRE:
Gum?

.... precinct, Callahan speaking.

ARROYO:
l'm sorry.

You're gonna have to forgive me.

l've already been on nine hours.

So, one more time,

you were out at dinner where?

At Claw.

Claw. That place in TriBeCa with the $50

soup? How'd that work out for you?

Not great. We couldn't get a table,

so we ended up taking

somebody else's reservation.

-You took someone's reservation?

-Yeah. Yeah. We took it.. .

You just took a table?

-(SCOFFS ) Just like that?

-We know. Shocking.

l was against it.

Yeah. So, we're in the middle of dinner,

and these guys come up.

Turns out these guys work for Joe Miletto.

-Joe Miletto?

-That's what they said.

But we didn't know that at the time.

We thought they were

just guys from the restaurant.

So we followed them into the alley,

and suddenly they just grab all of our stuff.

That's why we don't have our lDs on us.

(GASPlNG)

Then.. . Yeah, it was scary. What?

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