David Brent: Life on the Road Page #3

---

Still a few gaps. I'll be filling those.

There are guys here

looking for opportunities.

Um...

If not, I'll have a day off.

That always helps with the old tonsils.

So...

Anyway...

Keep the noise down. Nah, turn it up.

Let's rock.

Yeah, boom, that's perfect.

And then, like, eight bars of this. Yeah?

Whassup?

Come on, let's do some work now then.

Here's the band.

Foregone Conclusion, Mark ll.

- He's not in it. He's just, you know...

- We're just gonna, um, finish this.

Yeah, let's do some...

Let's do some... You know him.

Look. He's already at work.

I gave him the gig.

Stu Monkford.

Mammogram's nephew

I was telling you about.

What do you call a bloke

who hangs round with musicians?

The drummer.

Andy. We have got Mike and Steve.

They're brothers.

Don't look alike, do they?

The beard's different.

I guess like with most session musicians,

you get, like, a call...

gets put in to your agent,

and they, um, you know, say,

"Are you available?

Is it something you actually wanna do?"

Um, in this case, not particularly,

but at the same time, you know,

you go where the money goes

because you can't ever guarantee

when the next lot of work's gonna come in.

For us, it's just, you know, we're out,

and we're getting paid, and we're playing.

Let's do it. Let's rock.

What shall we do? Let's do, um, Ooh La La.

- I'm not in that one.

- He's not in this one.

Starts with an acoustic.

# Sold my shack in Memphis

# Bought me a Chevrolet

# Six string in the back

And a bottle of Jack

# And I headed down to Mexico Way

# Singing ooh la la la

# Ooh la la la la lay

# Ooh la la la la la la la

# It's a beautiful day #

Okay. Let's do it.

I'll send a cheque over.

I've been putting

all the gigs in, you know.

Hopefully I'll get

a solid three-week block.

I'll get to work on it, promoting it.

That we can build, and get A&R along.

Um, but, you know, the...

the tour's shaping up.

I'm the artist and the manager.

I have to book the hotels.

The old credit card has taken

a bit of a hammering.

My flexible friend.

Yeah, um...

They're gonna be gutted when I'm gone.

But at the same time,

they know it's what I want and deserve.

Hence, they're gonna be happy for me.

So, mixed emotions.

Right, I better say goodbye to everyone

before I... jet off.

Um, I hope they haven't made a big fuss.

You know what I mean?

It's not like I'm going forever.

Even if I get signed,

I'm gonna pop in. But...

Oh...

See you later, guys. I'm off on tour.

Keep selling. Where's Nigel?

- He's out selling.

- Is he?

- Is he really?

- Yeah.

- Where is he?

- Maidenhead.

All right. Good.

Ah, thought so. You...

We did this to Pete Gibbons.

He thought we hadn't done anything,

and we got a massive whip-round going,

and we, um, we got him a...

"Break a leg, Pauline."

It is just from you, is it?

- Yeah.

- All right.

It's exciting, really, for him.

The office is gonna be a bit quiet

which is gonna be a shame.

Brings a little sparkle.

- Is he really out selling?

- Yeah.

- Is he?

- Yeah.

When he walks in,

you don't know what he's gonna say,

and... he does brighten up

my day a little bit.

Is Nigel out selling?

He might try to be funny,

and not... maybe people

don't find him funny, but I do.

Right. That's 'cause I said to him

I don't want a fuss, so he went...

So he didn't, er...

First gig, Monday.

Have a nice time.

Yeah. Right.

See you.

Oh...

- See you later.

- Bye.

Bye. Bye.

This isn't like, you know,

when I left Wernham Hogg.

I was the head of that family.

A lot more emotional for everyone.

Being made redundant,

and the whole fame thing,

that got to me a bit.

I had a nervous breakdown.

I spent a little bit of time in a...

a facility.

Voluntary, you know.

But, nah, not for me.

I practice the ancient medical art

of "bloody pull yourself together, mate".

So, I was on Prozac for about six months.

Er, ballooned up to about 16 stone

at one point.

I'd given up.

The lads started calling me

Brentasaurus. All good fun.

Not at the time. I burst into tears...

and wanted to kill myself.

But I turned it round, you know.

Got fit.

Inside and out.

- Hi.

- Hi, David.

Hi, Sandra.

And I found myself again, you know,

and I started to do what I do best,

entertain.

Triple threat. Music, comedy, wisdom.

- Would you like to go out for a coffee?

- No.

- She is mental, isn't she?

- Well...

A proper loon. A dead bee.

- How are you?

- Brilliant. Never felt better.

Happiest I've been, probably,

doing these sessions with a professional.

Now I decided to sort everything out.

Body, mind, and spirit. I've done that,

so... I'm empowered now.

Power in the, not the political sense,

or, you know...

but I mean, inner strength.

That's what I think it is.

Mind power, really, isn't it?

It's willpower, um...

And, uh, you know, am I a free willist?

I'm a do-as-thou-willist.

So, it does make...

It makes sense up there...

- David...

- Go on.

- Have you had the dream again?

- No.

No.

So what do you wanna talk about? Shoot.

- Don't read anything into that.

- Okay...

No, I just thought...

When I said it, I thought of...

Don't matter.

Okay, um...

So what do you want to talk about?

- That's what we're here for, so...

- The band.

- The band? Of course. Okay.

- Yeah.

- Tell me about the band.

- That's what's happening.

- Yeah?

- We're going on tour. Great bunch of guys.

And we're... I've booked some gigs.

Taken the time off work,

and gonna get A&R people along,

get signed, put an album out.

- Mmm-hmm. Can I ask you a question?

- Go on.

What happens

if you don't get a record deal?

- Failure is not an option.

- Well, it is, David, isn't it?

She's meant to big me up...

make me feel better.

But it's all like,

"Oh, what if you fail? Be prepared."

What a downer.

She doesn't mind me throwing money at her.

At least I enjoy my music.

Do you know what I mean?

She makes me nervous.

She's always writing notes.

And I'm thinking, "What's she writing?"

She could write anything.

"He's a pervert. He's a loser."

Gives me the creeps to be honest...

Next week, yeah. See you later.

Bye.

That's the tour outfit.

I try to incorporate

all my influences there, really.

It's a bit new romantic but modern.

A bit Bubl. A bit David Essex.

We're nearly there.

Off on tour. Getting everything ready.

Yeah, I get a sort of adrenaline rush

when I think about it.

And that's not fear.

That's like, "Let's do this."

Let's book a string of gigs.

Book a tour bus. Beautiful tour bus.

Top-of-the-range. State-of-the-art.

Air-conditioning, bunks.

It's like a party on wheels.

Oh God, I hope we get some sleep.

I'm up and down the country

all the time, you know.

On the road is where I really come alive.

So, just swapping the old Insignia

for the tour bus.

Here we go!

Oh...

Whassup?

See you later.

Ah...

There's not a lot of room on there,

so we think it's better I follow behind.

Good idea, in a way.

Rate this script:3.0 / 1 vote