Dean Slater: Resident Advisor Page #4

I made you toss your phone,

and Yuji pissed your comp.

- [LAUGHS]

Sorry, mate.

- No, it's not on you two.

I told her it'd have

to be face to face.

FEMALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN):

When should we start?

Like, 4 o'clock?

- I already had my first drink.

- [LAUGHS]

- Just a normal day.

- Hey.

We thought you guys

weren't coming.

- We sorta lost track of time.

- Yeah, no clocks, no phones,

no computers.

- Are you guys Amish

or something?

- You going to the bonfire of

the insanities tonight?

- Wanna join us?

- What about the three

[INAUDIBLE]?

- What?

- There's, uh, these other girls

that, uh, invited us to

their party later.

Forget them.

Well swing by and get you.

Wear something memorable.

- See ya.

- Peace.

That was so SMAB.

- I thought you were just gonna

hang, and then you just...

- I looked at those three bikinis

and I thought, even

girls this hot don't want

to go to a party alone.

I figured, just leave.

All we could was

screw this up.

- Nair balls.

- So do this.

- Do this, do this.

- Wait.

- Nope, do this.

- Those guys are, like,

so average.

- Oh, and they act like they're

some epic people.

- I think it's kinda cute.

- Hello?

Of course it's cute.

They're hot because they're

nice and different and

interesting and don't care.

- So unfair.

Totally doesn't matter what

you look like when

you act like that.

[DOOR KNOCKING]

- Hey.

- Hello.

- Oh.

Oh.

- Yeah.

- For sure.

Hey.

- Hey.

YUJI (OFFSCREEN): How are you

ladies doing tonight?

- Hey.

- Good.

- Oh, fresh trips.

Sards.

- Yeah, seriously.

Freshman triples, they're

crowded like sardines.

- Oh.

FEMALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN):

It's Japanese.

TYLER (OFFSCREEN): "Don't

get funky covers. "

- It's from our RA.

She's really gross.

- Well, ours is hip.

Hip as in epic.

CORY (OFFSCREEN): Cheers.

YUJI (OFFSCREEN): Let's

do some of this.

Footprints in the sand, carbon

footprints in the sand.

Mother Nature loves the

Earth, turtle doves

and the baby's birth.

But the politicians and those

CEOs, they're destroying the

Earth and it ain't cool, yo.

- May I?

Oy, mi amor.

[PLAYING GUITAR]

[PLAYING GUITAR]

[PLAYING GUITAR]

MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN):

My face is melting.

MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN):

I just came to.

- No way.

- I think was the Dean, bro.

- Who's the Dean?

- Who's the Dean?

OK, the Dean defines SCSU.

- Unofficial mascot.

should make it official.

Biting crabs, lame.

- That's fair.

- So legend holds that the Dean

exposed the administration in

some sort of scandal.

So he wrote an all-new

curriculum for future

students, which he titled,

"On Rigorous Intellectual

Formation Inspiring

Collegiate Ethics. " -ORIFICE.

He told them to shove

it up their asses.

Epic!

MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): No

one's ever seen a copy since.

- They say he went off to Europe

an created an entire

philosophy of education,

captured in the pages of his

magnum opus.

- "The Magnum Dopus. "

- They say the "Dopus" has such

heavy sh*t in it that if you

read it, you're changed

forever.

And you'll never graduate,

because the "Dopus" makes you

want to just keep learning.

- But you'll drop out, because

you can't stand

being lectured to.

- Radical sh*t, the "Dopus. "

MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN):

Totally.

- Is it online?

- Not a chance.

- Only one copy, handwritten,

in Germany.

- That's where he wrote

most of it.

So I have this cousin who was

a foreign exchange student,

went and lived with this family

who knew a guy that

worked as a translator, who met

a guy that helped the Dean

when he first got there, who

said the Dean was, like,

pretty cool, man.

- Ah.

Do you think that was him?

- No.

The Dean's so far beyond

this place, man.

- Yeah, yeah.

Totally.

- You guys are like puppies.

Cute little puppies.

- We could be dogs.

Hey.

So I'm having this thing...

- We can't hang with you.

- It's... uh, it's cool.

I mean, it'll be mellow.

Like, we won't hang with you.

- You know, there are some videos

that you just can't

unsee no matter how

hard you try.

- There it blows.

- What blows?

- My life.

You see, there's this video,

and a whole bunch of people

have seen it, and it's online.

MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN):

So got it!

I got it!

- (IN PAIN) Oh!

- (IN PAIN) Oh.

- Oh.

Oh.

Are you OK?

- Sorry, bro.

Do you want some cold kelp?

- No.

- Ow.

Oh, dude, you're Fart Loader.

[LAUGHS]

- Oh.

Oh, there they are.

[MOANING]

Oh my god.

God, I had her right

there on the cusp.

I'm pretty sure she hasn't

even seen the video yet.

- She will.

- I wanted to own it, you know?

Tell her myself.

- You still can, man.

- Hey, it's Fart Loader.

No, no, no, no.

Get over here.

Hey, next game.

It's Fart Loader.

Dude, if we win, you've

gotta fart-load live.

- And if we win?

- Name your price, Ray Charles.

- You guys shut up.

- And who the f***...

- I'm his RA.

- Well, perfect.

I'll kick your ass, and

then you'll get

written up for underage.

- Nobody's getting written up.

But I would like to point

out a few things.

Buying an identity from

brand-affinity is the lamest

form of self-expression.

iTelephones, iTablets, iMusic,

aye, aye, aye, I can't believe

how selfish you are.

When was the last time you

bought something for you, for

our, for we?

- I bought Wii Sports.

- By the way, Ray Charles

was my godfather.

- Game on.

Agh.

Oh, you got me mad.

All right, all right,

I'm getting loose.

Flip cup, flip cup, I'm

a flip cup guy.

I was a flip cup guy

in high school.

- I play by faith,

not by sight.

Game on.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

- Ha, ha.

That's right.

Suck it!

Money.

You got this, you got

this, you got this.

Come on.

MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): Oh!

- I'm serious, I'm

still thirsty.

I'm parched, man.

- Timing is everything.

[CHEERING]

CORY (OFFSCREEN): Epic

pong shots, man.

[DOOR KNOCKING]

- Yuj, you're closest.

- To what?

- The door, douche.

[DOOR KNOCKING]

- F*** off.

- Narb, narb!

[DOOR KNOCKING]

- F*** the f*** off!

- You win.

You're the only one pissed off

enough to get the door.

- Oh, I'm taking this

to the showers.

- Oh, these boxers are

[INAUDIBLE] my balls.

- Babe?

What's up?

- We need to talk.

- About what?

- I don't even know

what to say.

- That's Skype guy.

- Oh, god, I can't wait

to masturbate.

- It wasn't Cory.

- Are you sure?

- Pretty sure.

- Pull down your pants.

- What are you... what?

- If you love me, you'll

prove it.

Pull down your pants.

- Nope.

- Definitely not.

- Ooh, forgot my shower slips.

- Gross.

[FART]

- Oh, Yuji.

- Go Bears.

- Dude, put some pants on.

- Ew.

Fart Loader?

- Ugh, sick.

- I can't even believe you're

living with the Fart Loader.

FEMALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN):

10 million dislikes?

Hello?

Kill yourself.

- I got us a new phone.

- You gonna take him back?

- I'll just have to check

my status and see.

- Mmm.

That's good.

- [SIGHS]

- Wait.

YUJI (OFFSCREEN): But I

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