Dear Dictator Page #4

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OK, but you didn't torture people.

Tell her.

I chose the lesser of two evils.

You tortured people?

They were traitors jeopardising

the security of thousands of citizens!

You think there's no blood

on your hands? Eh?

Have you seen what your country

has done round the world

so that you can all have

a big TV screen?

- We don't have a big TV screen.

- But you could have.

You could have anything.

That's what drives you.

What you could have, not what you have.

You're a country of greedy swine.

You just keep eating, eating, eating,

until you can't speak!

All right.

If you want me to go, I will.

But please let me leave the way I came.

Quietly.

Will you excuse us for a second?

Oh, yes, I'm sorry.

Please.

Bloody hell.

I just wanna let you know,

I had nothing to do with this.

I never invited him here,

he just showed up.

When the principal called

and you got really mad at that,

I didn't wanna freak you out even more.

He is a political refugee.

By law, we're supposed

to give him asylum.

Tatiana, for Christ's sake!

Why didn't you tell me?

OK, I swear I will never not tell you

I'm hiding a dictator ever again.

Uh, so can he stay?

Do you think he could fix

the garage door?

Hey, my mom got us Subway.

- Thank you.

- And, uh, here's a list

of all the junk she wants you

to do around the house.

- OK.

- Just put that there.

Have you got any more

of that coloured powder?

- Fun Dust?

- Yeah.

Huh. You're hooked.

Remember when you said I had the power

to change stuff at my school?

Do you really think that's true?

Oh, yes.

OK.

Do you have factions

at your high school?

You mean like cliques?

Hmm, those only exist in movies

about high school.

Yeah, well, I don't watch

high-school movies.

- Well, what movies do you watch?

- I don't watch movies.

- Seriously?

- Hmm.

You're missing out on some great movies.

OK, my favourite,

it's called Maniac Cop 2.

It's about this cop...

actually, he's a dead cop.

So then he dies, he comes back to life,

and then he leads a revolution

with the guys on death row.

- Maniac Cop?

- 2.

- First one isn't as political.

- Oh, I'll bear that in mind.

Now, let's get down

to things that matter.

Factions.

Let's assume the factions

in your school

orbit around the ones

you have dubbed Slushies.

How is it that the few

always rule the many?

Two methods:
love and fear.

Many must love these Slushies,

and many more must fear them.

Either way, it creates the same effect.

They have power, and they use it

to maintain a stable state.

Sounds about right.

What happens if you disrupt

that power with swift, decisive action?

Confusion.

The masses won't have a figurehead

to love and fear,

and they need one. It's human nature.

There's infighting, revolt, chaos.

You must gird yourself

for blood in the streets.

Metaphorically, right?

Oh, yeah. Metaphorically. Yes.

Some innocents will,

metaphorically, fall.

But this cannot sway

a determined leader.

When the moment is right,

like a grape, you will crush the fruit.

The mere presence of authority will

return the state to its natural order.

Have you heard the term "coup d'tat",

the seizure of power

from the establishment?

We learned about it in history class.

Well, this could be yours,

your "coup d'Tatiana".

- You fixed it!

- It wasn't difficult.

It's the same wiring

as the bombs the enemy drops on us.

OK, people,

let's move it along.

Mom, keep it in check.

He's not a bad handyman,

for a dictator.

- That's not what I meant.

- Goodbye.

He's got this sort of...

hmm... forceful manliness.

That's what I meant.

If you're entertaining fantasies

about him, press "delete".

He is the kind of guy

who'd break into your bedroom,

tie you up, and make you feel...

That's so gross!

He's a thousand years old!

Do you want me to lie?

Fine. Anton's a wuss.

Peace out. Stay out of trouble.

Bye.

Excuse me. Miss Miles?

- That's me.

- Wow.

You and Tatiana could be sisters.

I'm sorry. I'm Mr Spines,

your daughter's social studies teacher.

Well, aren't you the yummy one?

I, um, I was wondering if you'd

be interested in grabbing an herbal tea?

That is so flattering.

I'd love to go on a date with you.

Oh. Oh, no.

I'm sorry.

I'm afraid you have the wrong idea.

No, I wanted to talk to you

about Tatiana's situation at home.

I have some concerns,

and I was hoping I could learn

a little more about her background.

You know what you can learn about?

How to shove sand up your ass!

There's more where that came from.

Way more.

Sarvia Siemers? My office. Now.

This is my station. Beat it!

- You can start drilling, Doctor.

- Uh...

Jose, hold the sombrero.

Hey, you wanna earn 50 bucks

and a six-pack of Corona?

Oh, s, seor. Mucho gracias.

Yeah, just do the lawn

and trim the ficus.

Yeah? Oh...

- You're not Latino. I'm sorry.

- No, I'm Latino in spirit.

Uh, either way,

you're a great gardener.

- Thank you.

- It's time the girls had some help.

You know her parents

left her this place, right?

- But after three years of Darlene...

- disaster.

She's been bringing up her daughter.

Another disaster.

Hey, Jose, where you going?

How dumb do you have to be

to sign your own name?

It was 20 grand's worth of damage.

She's totally not capable of that.

They found the stencil in her locker.

It'll go on her permanent record

for sure. So embarr...

Holy sh*t. We're dying.

Tell us everything.

- About what?

- Sarvia. Duh.

- I heard she's getting expelled.

- That is so messed up.

I thought only dirtbags tagged.

Maybe 'cause she is a dirtbag?

Well, ain't it the tranny

callin' the queen a homo?

Call me what you want,

but how come your friend

spray-painted the whole school?

And she forgot about you, huh?

I didn't see any "Chivas rules"

or "Gigi".

- So?

- She probably didn't include us

so we wouldn't get busted.

Remember Hilton Head?

She got us busted then.

- Fat b*tch.

- You're such a backstabber.

Not like it matters.

She's never coming back.

- You'd like that.

- Oh, excuse me?

You just wanna be top b*tch.

Well, in case you're wondering

why I'm so jazzed,

I got my old job back.

Praise the Lord.

Oh, you've been a busy bee.

- Hm-hmm.

- The lawn looks great.

I also mowed your neighbour's grass.

You're a man of many accomplishments.

- Tatiana?

- Hmm?

Any accomplishments your end?

Well, if you call deposing the Slushies

an accomplishment, then yes.

And did you seize power?

Step three.

Hmm. She's not like

most Americans, you know.

They accept what they are fed.

Megaplexes, McMansions, mortgages.

And in the end, they accept death.

But she will not.

A rebel never accepts.

A rebel questions, a rebel challenges,

a rebel charges.

And in that event, she will not die.

You know a lot about this stuff.

Never give up. Never falter.

- Homeland or death.

- Anton, it's you!

Experts are still investigating

the authenticity of the video...

- I like you better clean-shaven.

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