Dear Dumb Diary Page #3

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Except my aunt doesn't spend

as much time on her tip-toes.

Jamie!

Jamie!

- Aunt Carol!

- Oh!

Do you know what all that means?

Pink is the new black?

Well, obviously.

But no.

It means there are lots of clothes

for you to inherit.

Don't you see how cool she is already?

See, most of my conversations

with adult relatives go like this...

- So how's school going?

- Fine.

- And how's soccer going?

- Fine.

See, if I explain

that I've never played soccer,

it would just lead

to extra questions.

So what do you think

about all this rain we're having?

Fine.

So how is school going?

Fine.

Are any of the kids,

like, really gross?

Stop it, Carol.

Angeline is gross.

Jamie.

Do you know that your mom

once peed her pants at school?

Don't... do not listen to her, Jamie.

Your aunt Carol

has taken her allergy medicine,

and she really has no idea

what she is saying. Stop it.

Okay, fine.

Fine, I'll drop it.

So, Jamie, what do you think

of all this rain we are having?

- I don't know.

- I bet your mom hates it.

It could get her pants wet.

Hey! Time out for you, Carol.

School is a disaster.

Well, that's because it is supposed

to prepare you for the real world,

- which also kind of~

- Yeah, I've heard.

But how am I supposed

to make it through without going nuts?

Play to your strengths.

I've tried that.

Well, maybe you have

more than one strength.

It's highly unlikely.

When I was in middle school,

I got teased for having thin lips.

They called me Lizard Lips.

So I would walk around

trying to push my lips out

so they would be more full.

That didn't work.

But later I discovered

I was a really good kisser

no matter what my lips looked like.

And trust me,

nobody was complaining.

Stop.

You have got to

use what you have got.

Sometimes what you think

might be a problem

could turn out to be

your greatest strength.

See? There.

Photo, photo, photo, photo,

photo, photo.

But what if I don't

have a greatest strength?

Oh, everybody's got a greatest strength.

I've got, like, five.

Come on, who doesn't?

Well, well.

If it isn't Jamie.

You still a vegetarian?

Because now we've got Tofu loaf.

This is even worse

than when they tried serving us..

Lollyloafs.

I saw a doctor.

I got healed from vegetarianism.

Well, then,

bring up the tray.

Pick it up. Put it up here.

All the way. There you go.

Why do I feel like all the adults

in my life are trying to poison me?

I don't think she's going to look away

until you take a bite.

I can't tell the difference

between the meatloaf

and my tongue.

Now down to business.

I've been thinking about Angeline

and the whole permanent-record thing.

The girl has got to be stopped.

- Why do you think that...

- Jamie!

Hey, how are you doing?

I didn't see your name

on the Jump-A-Thon list

and I know you'd do a great job.

That's all.

- Is she okay?

- She's fine.

Might be a small panic attack.

Go ahead. As you were saying?

Well, I remember that

playing double dutch and stuff...

you used to be the best

jump-roper in the whole school.

Does she need to see the nurse?

Dear dumb diary,

only a miracle happened today.

Hudson Rivers basically has declared

his undying love for me,

except he said it another way.

His code,

which I cleverly deciphered,

was saying that he thinks I'd do good

in the Jump-A-Thon.

I cannot-repeat,

cannot let him down.

I think I can uphold our love,

save the art program, and finally...

finally bring justice

to every average-looking person

in the whole world

who's ever been shown up

by a girl like Angeline.

That's right... I have no choice

but show once and for all

the entire world...

...my awesomeness!

# My awesomeness is awesome #

# My technique is unique #

# My awesomeness is awesome #

# Everybody else if freakin' weak... #

# My footwork is like clockwork #

# My routine is the hottest #

# I'm a voodoo samurai super-ninja

jump-rope goddess #

# So if you step to me #

# Proceed with caution #

# My awesomeness is awesome #

# My awesomeness is awesome... #

Look, ninjas! And they have Hudson!

# There is no competition #

# There will be no contest #

# 'Cause now I'm on a mission S

# To be the very best of the best

of the best #

# And unless you've got three legs

and a built-in trampoline #

# You've got no chance against me,

even you, Angeline #

# So if you step to me #

# Proceed with caution #

# My awesomeness is awesome #

# My awesomeness is awesome... #

You're right, Jamie.

Your awesomeness is awesome.

# They come to worship me #

- # From all around the world #

# Ooh ooh #

# And no one can believe J'

# I'm just your average girl #

# My concentration is unbreakable #

# My confidence unshakable #

# My moves are so unfake-able #

# My genius unmistakable #

# 'Cause I'm capable of miracles #

# And I'm here to pull

the stops out of y'all #

# So check check check check

checka checka checka me out #

# If you want a piece of me #

# Proceed with caution #

# My awesomeness S

# Is awesome. #

I can't take it anymore.

It's too overwhelming.

I'm gonna jump.

Jamie, middle school's not that bad.

Please reconsider.

No, the Jump-A-Thon.

I'm doing it.

I'm gonna jump and I'm gonna win.

We're all gonna jump

'cause we're all in this together!

Pretty gutsy, Jamie,

considering all the money

you have to raise.

Money?

I have to raise money?

300 bucks?!

Angeline just went around

asking people for money

and they raised

up 300 buck-a-roos?

How famous does Angeline

need to be?

If it was me, I'd be totally satisfied

with being partly famous

and not have to go around

making myself famouser all the time.

She just asked and boom-

money.

If I could paint and talk at the-

Jamie! Hi.

I just met your lovely aunt.

I'm glad to hear

you're moving to town.

Please, Assistant Principal DeVonn,

call me Carol.

Carol. And you can call me Dan.

Oh, Dan.

And it's "Devon," not DeVonn.

I will talk to you later.

Bye.

- Oh!

- See you.

Hey, no... not... not here!

Big news. Assistant Principal Devon

just offered me an office job.

It turns out some poor woman

broke her hip.

Oh, yeah, I heard about that.

Jamie,

I am gonna be working

at your school!

Of course there was a time

when my aunt Carol understood

that a person would rather bathe

in a tub of hot dog slobber

than have a relative

working at their school.

Isn't it great?

She's lost touch with reality.

So I had absolutely no choice

except to lie to her.

Yes.

And I'm not lying to you.

Hi, Mrs. Clawson.

I'm doing a Jump-A-Thon

to raise money for my school.

Since the state doesn't seem

to value education enough

to meet our needs-

What just happened?

I'm not sure.

Let me turn up my hearing.

I said, I was wondering,

would you give us money?!

Let me see what I've got.

I'd rather be at the dentist.

Yeah.

It's funny how they're always

so surprised

when you bite their fingers.

Ah, here you go, dears.

What is it? Clothes?

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