Death At A Funeral Page #3

We'll start with a favorite

passage of Edward's...

...from the King James' bible...

...it's the 1st book of Samuel

chapter 18.

Martha, just so you know

We had uncle Alfie in the

car with us.

And you took my parking space.

And i had to push him half a mile

up the hill by myself

Almost fainted

That was MY parking space.

If you don't stop this...

...i'll take you out and kick

the living sh*t out of you.

Do you understand?

What's going on?

She stole my

parking space.

What do you mean she stole

your parking space?

This is a funeral

Behave yourself.

Then, Jonathan and David made

a covennant.

Because he loved him

as his own soul.

And so it came to pass

that the soul of Jonathan...

...was knit with

the soul of David.

And Jonathan stripped himself

of the robe that was upon him...

...and gave it to David.

And his garments,

even his sword...

...and his bow...

...and his belt.

Now, we'll have a few words from

Edward's son, Daniel.

Hi, everyone.

Thanks for so many of

you coming.

I never realised Dad was

so popular.

In fact, it seems he has more

friends now...

...that he's dead, from

when he was alive.

My father was an exceptional man.

He was born in 1938

just a year before the war.

I'll never forget the time when

Dad took us...

...to the place where

he grew up.

Near a town called Crowley

at Sassex.

It's changed a lot

over the years...

...with the expansion

of Gatwick airport.

Actually, it's something of

a commuter town now...

...partly because of it's

proximity to London.

When my father was young it

had pastures

And fields and greenery.

An Dad would run around

the countryside for hours...

...with his close boyhood friend, Bob.

He told how they spend summer days

riding bikes...

Did you see that?

The coffin just moved.

...and swimming in the lake.

Dad's...

Dad's first work, was working

after school...

...as an apprentice...

...for an electrician

named Mr. Tompshon

It happened again!

I'm telling you, the

coffin is moving!

Simon, please calm down.

The coffin is moving, I tell you!

There's someone alive in there!

Simon, where are you going?

What the hell is wrong with you all?

Look at it!

Can't you see?

Open your eyes!

It's moving around in there.

Can't you see?

Simon, please.

What are you doing there?

Stop it!

Don't touch that!

I've got to let him out!

God!

Calm down mom.

Unbelievable, wasn't it?

If you like you can have some

tea and cake...

...and we'll call you as

soon as we can.

What the f*** was all

that about?

Daniel, I'm so sorry.

The coffin was moving...

Just go back inside

and i'll explain it.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sure i heard scratching noise...

Please...

Are you alright?

No.

And i haven't made the call

about the deposit yet.

Kill him.

I'm going to kill him.

Dad, leave it.

Leave it?!

He wrecked the funeral.

It wasn't his fault

What do you mean it

wasn't his fault?

Your aunt Sandra is in tatters.

I want him out of hear, this moment.

Is that clear?

Tell me you will have nothing

to do with that...

...ridiculous man, ever again.

I'm sorry.

No, I can't do that.

Why not?

Because we're moving in together.

God.

Have you completely

lost your senses?

He's not actually like this.

He took some drugs and...

...and made him act like this.

Drugs? What drugs?

He took some valium and had

a bad reaction.

Valium?

Yes.

That's it.

We'll talk about this later.

Simon?

Martha...

Okay...

Come and sit down.

Alright Janet.

I appreciate that.

Are you alright mate?

That was awful, wasn't it?

He fell in front of your your mom like

a dead trout...

Howard, please...

Yeah sorry. It's just...

...you never know when it's

gonna happen to you.

Like me.

I've got this...

...weird patch of skin

I've had that a

couple of weeks...

...with no idea what it is...

Why not show it to my uncle Victor?

He's a doctor.

Good idea.

I swear i saw it moving.

I swear i saw it moving.

No one else saw it?

I swear i saw it moving.

I must be going mad.

My hands are so big!

Simon. listen to me.

I need to tell you something.

You know i gave you some

valium earlier?

Yes.

Well...

...it turns out...

...it wasn't actually valium

at all.

Can you hear me?

Hello?

You think we can start now?

I believe yes.

How do you feel Sandra?

Hello doctor.

I've had this skin discoloration for

a couple of weeks now...

It's not going anywhere.

I know it's just a small patch...

...but it's weird.

It does look weird, doesn't it?

Victor, I'm going

back now.

You should probably go see

a dermatologist.

What do you think it is?

It looks like some kind

of pigment mutation.

Pigment mutation?

Probably some allergic

reaction to...

...shellfish, nuts.

What kind of nuts?

Don't know. Peanuts, almonds...

Excuse me.

Do you see now?

Yes?

It's hallucinatenic

My advice is to relax...

...and just go with the flow.

Try and enjoy it.

You!

Simon!

How long does it last?

I don't know.

Simon!

Around 8 hours?

Simon let go.

You!

Simon?

Let me go.

I'm going to be sick.

Simon, get back.

Simon.

A word with you Martha...

I'm sorry, excuse me...

Oh God, he's gonna be sick!

Is it okay in there?

Simon are you okay?

Simon.

Simon, let me in.

Simon.

Martha?

Did you happen to see

a pill bottle?

Sh*t

Simon?

Right!

Keep it together!

Keep it together...

You can do this.

You're Simon Smith.

You're a solicitor.

No problem.

Where's my watch?

It's already been...

Simon, open the door.

God, Jesus!

F***!

F***.

It's nothing to worry about.

Jesus!

F***!

Grief does strange things to

people doesn't it?

Yeah.

If you remember, i have something

to talk to you about.

Oh yes, yes.

Is there some place quiet

we can go?

Sure.

Are you writing a book?

Yes.

Like your brother.

Well yes, but i write different.

He's a great writer

isn't he?

Yes, he is.

Anyway...

Yes, actually...

...i have some photos

i wanted to show you.

Okay.

- May I?

- Sure

We became quite close

your father and I...

...the last few months.

Ended up spending quite a

lot of time together.

Right.

Here's me and your father

at Ridgens Park.

Ah, yes

And here we are on top of

those London buses

Terrible picture of me.

Where did you and my dad meet?

Just around.

Simon.

Are you alright?

Yes, yes...

Keep on coming, you...

...and join the others.

Join the others and...

Here we are at a fancy

costume party...

...in Kensington

That's your dad dressed up

as a Roman centurion

In what capacity were you

actually friends with my dad?

I mean no offense...

...but he never mentioned

you to me...

...and you have all these

pictures with him...

...as if you were...

"Screen Goddesses"

Oh God

Oh my God!

I know this might come as

quite a shock to you

I'm sure he would have told you

himself...

...but he wasn't sute how

you'd react.

My mother knows of this?

No.

And there's no reason

she should find out.

As long as i get what's

owed to me.

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