Death At A Funeral Page #4

What?

Well, i think i deserve

something.

Your father and I

were lovers.

He left me absolutely nothing in

his will.

How do you think that makes

me feel?

I'll tell you how it makes

me feel.

Cheap.

Like a cheap slut.

Don't you think

i deserve something?

What do you want?

Well i think 15.000 pounds

should do it.

I'm supposed to be

bying a flat.

Well that's up to you.

Wait a minute...

You think you can come in here

and show me...

...pictures of you and my dad...

...on a bus, and that counts as proof?

That's no f***ing proof.

What's that?

Jesus

Now, i don't want to

But i'll go out there and i'll show

these photos to every single person.

Do you really want me

to do that?

You wait here.

Wait here.

Daniel.

I was telling George here

how when we were boys,...

...your dad loved to makes us go

naked to take a bath

Simon, open the door.

Anything i can do

to help?

Not really. Thanks

Everything under control?

Simon?

So what are you doing next weekend?

I've got a couple of tickets

and backstage passes...

Look Justin. i've got

a lot on my plate right now...

...and i can't deal with

your sh*t.

Can you please just go away?

Please.

Simon?

Can i talk to you?

Not now.

It's important.

It's okay.

Excuse us.

What are you doing?

Remember the little guy

from before that we didn't know...

...the short guy.

Yeah.

I was just beeing with him

in the study.

And?

He showed me these pictures.

Yeah.

- Of him and dad.

- Right.

Of him and dad together.

Right.

Him and dad together at parties

in Kensington...

Is this going anywhere?

'Cause...

He was shacking dad.

F*** off.

You shitting me?

I'm not shitting you.

I'm telling you.

He showed me the pictures.

I feel sick.

What are you saying?

Dad was a gay?

That's what i'm saying.

And he was cheating on mom?

Evidentely.

With that little...

Yes.

I know it's a bombshell...

...but the concern right now

is that he wants money.

What do you mean?

He wants money.

He wants 15.000 pounds.

Tell him to go f*** himself.

Don't you understand?

He's got the pictures.

If we don't give him the money

he's gonna tell everybody here...

...the most intimate details

of their sex life.

Well I don't want to hear

those intimate details.

Exactly.

What 're we gonna do?

Sh*t

Think then.

Well okay, alright...

What a f***ing waste of time.

I don't know why i even

bothered.

I dressed up and everything...

And she's more interested

in that idiot...

...than she's in me.

I tell you, this world is

severely f***ed.

Sounds serious.

Doesn't it?

- What?

- Pigment mutation.

Can you taste this?

I think it has almonds in it.

Yeah?

So, Daniel's uncle said i'm

allergic to almonds.

Don't eat it then.

Be a friend. Taste it.

Tell me what you think.

No.

Come on taste it.

I won't.

Come on, please. Can't you

just do me a favor?

Will you please f*** off.

Have you seen a pill bottle

lying around

it looked like a valium bottle.

No.

Sh*t.

It won't be long now.

Shall we go inside?

in a minute.

Doctor, could you...

Hello

I'm sorry about...

Thank you.

It must me terrible losing

a husband.

You're still so young.

Are you gonna get married again?

it's not an easy thing to

say, isn't it?

It's just terrible isn't it?

People die...

How awful is that.

There was a guy that i know...

...someone stubbed him to death

because he called his mother "moose".

And the guy just...

...stubbed him right in the neck.

He cut a major artery.

And you want believe how

much blood...

was bursting absolutely

everywhere...

And the ridiculus thing is that

the guy who did it...

...told the police later, he didn't

even know what "moose" was.

The cake has almonds in it?

It's alright.

Doesn't matter.

Excuse me.

Nice taliking to you.

Let me rephrase the question.

What do you mean it's best that

i pay the money?

Well you've been living off

mom and dad. You must have

some money left.

I haven't been...

I payed for this

entire funeral Robert.

Wait a second.

How do you know this guy isn't

bullshiting you?

God!

Simon?

Simon?

Simon?

Simon?

;

Simon?

Simon!

Si?

...mon!

I think we're just about ready to

resume the ceremony...

Would you mind giving us 5 minutes?

- Of course.

- Thanks.

What's going on?

I'm really sorry but i think

our moving out plans...

...will have to be put on hold.

Just for a little while.

What do you mean?

Why?

I don't have time to explain

right now.

I wouldn't do this unless

i really had to.

What's the reason?

I can't explain right now, okay?

So you're the blackmailing prick.

What're you doing with that?

It's my manuscript.

it's not to be read by anyone.

You shouldn't leave it

lying around Daniel...

...if you don't want people to

read it.

This is my office.

Guys! Can we just

get to the point?

Fine by me.

I'll write you this check and that's

the end of it. Yes?

You give us the photos and you stay

out of our lives for ever.

- Yeah?

- That's the deal.

Is that your first attempt?

What?

That's your fisrt novel

isn't it?

Yeah.

So?

No, nothing.

I tried to write once.

it didn't work for me.

I think it's like a gift.

You either have it or you don't.

It must be hard for you

though, Daniel...

...living up to youw brother's

reputation.

Always living in the shadow

of a sibling like that.

By the way...

...i read your latest novel.

Really good stuff.

Thanks.

Alright. That's it.

Daniel, what the hell

are you doing?

There's no way i'm giving this ass

a penny of my money.

Don't be ridiculus.

Why should I?

He comes in here in the day

of our father's fuberal...

...he tries to blackmail us

and bad mouths my novel.

Who does he think he is?

He has the photos.

Let him show the photos.

I don't care.

Daniel.

No Robert.

I give up, okay?

I give up.

I can't take anymore.

If that's what he's going to do,

fine, let him do it.

No problem.

What?

Wait, wait...

Please, get out of my way.

Let's discuss this

a minute.

There's nothing to discuss.

Get out of my way.

Get up and help, Daniel!

What are you doing Robert?

Get a rope or something!

We don't have any rope.

Get something...

There, from the curtain.

Take it.

Tie his legs.

Jesus Robert.

This is a really bad idea.

F***ing men.

Tell me about it.

Daniel, get that tie.

Why?

Just get it.

What are we gonna

do with it?

- Do whatever

- But i don't know.

Stuff it in his mouth.

This is ridiculus.

Daniel?

Jesus.

Shut the door!

Why? What's going on?

Who's that?

It's a seizure.

God...really?

I just found some valium.

Bring them here.

How many?

I don't know.

A handfull.

Really? Okay.

Wait, you dropped one.

Open his mouth.

Okay.

It will be alright.

Have you seen a little bottle?

Jesus, Howard...

...i told you to lock the

f***ing door.

You said to shut the

f***ing door.

What's going on?

Oh, he's having a seizure.

Seizure?

Why is he all tied up?

Hello.

He's blackmailing you?

Over what?

It doesn't matter now.

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