Death Do Us Part Page #3

No, dude, I'm serious. I'm serious.

I'm tired of f***ing around.

I just kind of want to...

I don't know, you know.

I just want to get serious,

want to settle down a little bit.

Like you'd ever settle down.

Like you're one to talk.

What's that supposed to mean?

I think it means you're not really

a one-vagina kind of guy, Ryan.

Remember that night in Portland

you banged those three chicks?

Hey, dude,

cut the sh*t talk, all right?

- Really?

- It was f***ing the truth.

Hey, hon. Feeling better?

- Yeah.

- Drink?

- Yeah. Get a cocktail.

- Thanks.

Drink up. And shots.

- Shots o'clock.

- Cheers, yeah.

- Let's do it.

- Do it.

Hey, shut the f*** up, all right?

Dude, it was awesome.

What is that, tequila?

All right, let's do this!

What the hell are

you doing? Cheating.

- A 10.

- You got the run.

Hi.

Hey, yeah.

We've got this place to ourselves,

we have shitloads of sauce,

and these two good-lookers

are about to tie the knot.

Kennedy, Kennedy,

Kennedy, are you ready?

Let's get sh*t-faced!

Whoo!

- Yeah!

- Let's do this. Party!

Ow! Whoo!

Yeah! That's my girl!

Yeah, Kennedy!

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Hang on. Here we go. Here we go.

Yeah, mama. Yoo-hoo-hoo!

Hey!

- What?

- Good job.

Awesome.

Ladies, over here, please.

Now for the real entertainment.

- Yeah.

- I want to see it.

Hey, don't do that.

Oh, what's this?

- Come on!

- Take it all off!

Can't stop, y'all.

Whoo! Come on!

Take it all off!

Yeah.

Whoa, whoa.

Chet, turn the music off.

What is that?

Jesus.

What is that?

What the hell is...

There's something moving.

What? Where?

Thought I saw something.

Oh, Jesus.

Where did you come from?

Back door.

Can we help you?

I thought I said no parties.

We're so sorry.

It's just the six of us,

so we didn't think

that it would be a big deal.

- No, no. No, no.

- Shut up.

Do not apologize

for this mountain man.

Listen to me.

We're in the middle of nowhere,

okay, so if we want to have

a little party,

we're going to have a little party.

She-bam.

Hang on.

I'm sorry about him.

He's been drinking.

Look, we're going to clean

all of this up, okay?

When we go, it'll all be gone.

You make sure of that.

What a loser.

Jesus.

Guy's a total creep.

Can't believe he just f***ing

walked in here like that.

Okay, well, now that that's

all cleared up and done with,

let's... let's get back to it, huh?

- No.

- Nah, I think we're...

- No. We're good.

- Aw, guys, no.

No, come on. I had three more acts.

I had this great thing

with the chair,

- then that little bunny there.

- Put this on.

Okay, who wants another beer?

Yeah.

I do.

Hey, Ken, actually,

I have something

I want to give you.

Hello.

What's up, Em?

It's crazy out there.

I'm so glad you could come.

Are you kidding?

I wouldn't miss it.

Okay, so I know

it's not technically time

to get you a present yet, but...

I got you this.

Aww. Thank you.

- I got one too. They match.

- Aww.

I said I was getting it.

Just...

Problems with your boyfriend?

Just really can't wait

to spend more time with you.

You've been so busy

with the wedding,

and we can finally talk

about opening our store.

I have...

I've been trying to figure out

how to talk to you about that.

After the wedding, Ryan and I

are moving to New York.

What?

Yeah. My mom opened up

a new office,

and she wants Ryan

to head it up, and...

okay, I'm so sorry.

It's just, to be honest with you,

I really think that Ryan

and I need a fresh start.

But you can't just

run away from your life

to get a fresh start.

Ryan is my life.

Oh.

Do you think

that you really know Ryan?

What do you mean?

Look, I know

things have been tense,

but everything is going to be so

much different after the wedding.

No, I don't mean about the wedding.

I mean...

- oh, God.

- What?

I don't know if this is

the right time to tell you this.

Hey. What's going on in here?

- Nothing.

- Nothing.

Well, get back out there

before Chet starts

taking off his pants again.

Look, you and I are always

going to be friends, okay?

- Thank you.

- Yeah. You're welcome.

Hey, come on. Hannah says

you're gonna love this next game.

Come on.

Wow. Nice job.

Okay, I don't think so.

Whatever. It's close enough.

I'd say

it's a definite improvement.

No, I think they were

being generous to you, cuz.

I love it.

Let's go for a smoke.

Yeah, sure.

Don't worry.

I'm not going to start smoking.

Okay, you got it on there?

Okay, your turn.

- Okay, all right. Ladies.

- Okay.

Let me show you how it's done.

Why? You got a lot

of experience with d*cks, Chet?

Not as much as you, darling.

Cock.

Hang on. There you go.

- Don't give him a knife.

- No, no.

Don't let her touch it either.

You'll never get it back.

Hey-o.

No, man. I'm good.

You know, it's actually

really nice out here.

I guess.

Can't believe I'm getting married.

Me neither.

You're a changed man.

Well, I had to grow up sometime.

Is that what

you're telling yourself,

you're a grown-up?

I don't know, man.

You used to get

in some pretty serious sh*t.

That's all in the past.

I need some help.

With what?

It's not my fault.

I just couldn't

sell my sh*t fast enough,

and I owe my dealer some money.

How much?

It's 20 Gs.

- Jesus Christ, Derrick.

- Just chill. Chill. Chill.

I can't give you that kind

of cash. I don't have it.

Dude, your chick's loaded.

She wouldn't even notice.

Hey, I'm not going

to take 20 grand from her

just 'cause you f***ed up again.

Anybody else want a beer?

Yeah. Beer me.

You owe me, a**hole.

- For what?

- For what?

I did two years,

and I didn't even mention

your f***ing name.

Don't you put that sh*t on me, man.

You were stupid enough

to get caught.

I had nothing to do with that.

How would you like it

if I walked in there

right now and told

that little Barbie doll of yours

the truth about her fiance?

Shut your f***ing mouth, all right?

Yeah? Think that'd go over well

with the in-laws.

Is this why you came here, huh?

F***ing rip me off?

Well, I'm not giving you

jack sh*t, all right?

And if you even think

about blackmailing me,

I will f***ing kill you.

Ryan, I'm in

some serious sh*t here.

I need your help here.

I'm f***ing begging you.

I'm done bailing your ass

out of trouble!

All right? You're on

your f***ing own now.

Ryan.

Ryan, I...

F***!

You f***.

Can I see something?

Hey.

Hey, you okay?

What? Oh, yeah.

Just drunk, you know.

What are you playing?

This is for you.

After all this wedding sh*t

is over,

you and I, we can...

- you know.

- What?

You know, just go have

a little dinner or something,

maybe somewhere.

Are you asking me out?

You don't have to make

a big deal about it.

It's just... yeah.

No. No.

Not a chance.

Come on. Come on.

We been having fun all weekend.

Okay. Hey, guys,

we should do the scavenger hunt.

Here comes the gay sh*t.

Scavenger hunt?

Emily hid a bunch

of stuff in the woods,

and we have to go find it.

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