Death Proof Page #6
the key words, here.
B*tch, you two are still
into each other and you know it.
Yeah, well, if he's so in love with me,
why did he f*** Darryl Hannah's stand-in?
Yes, men are dogs.
Oh, it's so funny!
Oh, it's so funny!
Stop acting all hurt.
Your ass just mad.
Yeah, he's a stand-in f***er.
You need to get over that sh*t.
That was two weeks ago.
Oh, well, now you put it like that...
Oh, I haven't told you the best part.
He f***ed her on my birthday.
Oh, that's a horse of a different color.
- Thank you.
- Did he know it was your birthday?
I mean, he's the director.
He's kind of busy.
He ate a piece of my birthday cake,
and he got me a present.
- Wow.
- Yeah... I think he knew.
What did he get you?
He made me a tape.
He made you a tape?
Wait, he didn't burn you a CD?
He made you a tape?
- Yeah.
- Oh, that is so romantic!
Yes, I know what you 're gonna say,
so don't even go there.
This sounds like the test
of true love to me.
Look, I know you guys like him.
He's likeable.
But he f***ed another woman
on my birthday.
How can you not be on my side?
I admit, that sounds bad.
It is bad!
It just sounds like there's
a little more to it than that.
Were you two f***ing?
Hell, no.
Hello, is your name Abernathy?
Sorry.
The answer to your question
is no, of course not.
What do you mean "No, of course not"?
a girlfriend in six years
is because girls will f*** him,
and if you f*** Cecil,
you don't become one
of his girlfriends...
not to say I want to be his girlfriend,
but if I did want to be his girlfriend,
if I f***ed him, I wouldn't be.
I'd be one of his regulars,
and I'm getting too f***in' old for that sh*t.
- Have you let him do anything?
- Yes!
I've let him give me a foot massage,
and when we go to the movies,
I've let him hold my hand.
B*tch, you might be actin'
like you 12 years old,
but he just acting like a man.
You need to break
that nigga off a piece.
Let me get this straight...
you 're not f***ing him,
you 're not sucking him,
you 're not giving him any tongue,
but Darryl Hannah's stand-in is?
Can we just take my sex life
off the table?
Actually, it was Cecil's sex life
that was on the table...
and your lack of one.
F*** both of you
and your little high-five.
Before you can claim a nigga,
you got to claim a nigga,
and you can start by giving
that motherf***er a hand job
in the back of the van
on Tuesday.
I'm not gonna do that!
I know you won't!
But you know who will...
the b*tch that ends up living
in that big-ass mansion of his.
I haven't entirely agreed
with everything Kim's said,
but it is true if you've stretched it out
like you have with Cecil
and you suddenly get dirty on them,
So Zo, Kim, and I are
in the Philippines at an outdoor rave.
What were you working on?
- Three Kicks to the Head. Part Three.
And, admittedly,
we're a little f***ed up.
Cheers to that.
- Word.
Cheers.
So Zo...
the genius, wants to take
a picture of me.
It's dark as hell,
and you can't see sh*t.
So she's got her camera
and keeps saying, "Step back a little!"
So I do.
Then "A little fu -ther!"
So I step back a little fu -ther.
Then "A little more!" So I do.
Then I realize I'm at the edge
of a seven-foot concrete ditch...
...with God knows how many rocks
and broken bottles and rats in it,
and if I fell in that f***ing thing,
I probably would have broken my neck.
So I am yelling at her:
and walk a little further,
and Zo starts f***in' around.
And... bam!... if she doesn't fall
in the f***ing ditch!
Nice.
Thank you. Yep. Thank you.
and looking down,
just as I'm thinking, "There's that ditch
Abbie was talking about. "
Bam! I'm in the f***ing ditch, you know.
What happened?
What, with Zo, the cat?
Nothing.
If I fell in that f***in' thing, they would
have had to helicopter me out of there.
Zo just lands on her feet.
But then later I started feeling
Zo falls in the ditch and it's nothing.
If I fell in that f***ing thing,
I probably would have been paralyzed.
Oh, honey, you can't think like that.
We all have our individual talents,
and that just happens to be one of Zo's.
Well, physically speaking,
Zo is amazing.
I mean, agility, reflexes, nimbleness?
There's few human beings that can f***
with Zo on that front.
Kim, I like you too.
Having said that, before you get
too envious of Zo's prowess,
you 're missing the most
important part of that story.
You didn't fall in the ditch.
Zo did.
Zo even knew there was a ditch there
because you told her,
and she still fell in.
So Lee's right.
We all have our talents.
Hey, I resemble that remark.
So Kim, you still pack a Roscoe?
Check it out, b*tch.
- Ooh, nice one, mate.
- I know this.
What's a Roscoe?
Roscoe's a pistol.
- You carry a gun?
- Uh-huh.
You have a license to carry?
Yeah, when I became a Secret Service
agent, they gave me a license.
Oh, I didn't know you were...
Okay, I didn't say it, all right?
Stop looking at me. God.
Did you know Kim carried a gun?
Yes. Now, do I approve? No.
Do I know? Yes.
Look, I don't know what
futuristic utopia you live in,
but the world I live in,
a b*tch need a gun.
You can't get around the fact
tend to get shot
more than people who don't.
And you can't get around the fact
that if I go down to the laundry room
I might get my ass raped.
Don't do your laundry at midnight.
F*** that! I wanna do my laundry
whenever the f*** I want to.
There are other things you can carry
other than a gun. Pepper spray.
Uh, motherf***er trying to rape me,
I don't want to give him a skin rash.
How about a knife, at least?
Yeah, you know what happens
to motherfuckers carry knives?
They get shot!
If I ever become a famous actress,
I won't carry a gun.
I'll hire me a do-dirt nigga and he'll
carry the gun, and when sh*t goes down,
I'll sit back and laugh,
but until that day, it's Wild West.
So Zo, you thought about
what you want to do first?
It just so happens
I know exactly what I want to do.
Oh, really?
And what would that be?
To me, there's no point in being in America
unless you can drive a Detroit muscle car.
I wanna drive a Dodge Challenger...
f*** me swinging, balls out.
Well, I guess we
could talk to Transpo,
but does it have to be
a Dodge Challenger?
Not just that. It has to be a 1970
Dodge Challenger with a 440 engine.
How in the f***
do you expect to do that?
No worries, mate.
I've got it all worked out.
When I knew I was coming here,
that the local paper here in Tennessee
is the Lebanon News Sentinel.
- So back home...
- I'm sorry, where's home? Australia?
What do you mean by that, mate?
Zo's from New Zealand,
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"Death Proof" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 18 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/death_proof_6587>.
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