Death Proof Page #7

and you never...

I repeat, never...

call a Kiwi an Aussie.

That is, unless

you want your ass kicked.

I'm so sorry. I will nev...

Oh, it's okay.

We're just taking the piss

out of you, mate.

Auckland, to answer your question.

Anyway, I subscribed

to the local paper a month ago.

Why the f*** you want a local redneck

newspaper in New Zealand?

Pipe down and I'll tell you.

I've been getting the paper

and checking the classifieds,

looking at cars for sale,

so as of yesterday,

for sale in this town,

some dude is selling

a stock 1970 Dodge Challenger

with a 440 engine and a white paint job.

And you wanna buy it?

Kim, I may be stupid,

but I'm not bloody stupid.

I wanna say I wanna buy it

so he'll let me test-drive it.

A 1970 Dodge Challenger

with a white paint job?

Oh, uh, Kowalski!

Kowalski from Vanishing Point.

Mate, it's a f***ing classic!

If I can get this guy

to let me drive it without him,

I will blow the doors off that b*tch.

What's Vanishing Point?

What's Vanishing Point?

Abs, I'm supposed

to be the illiterate one.

It's just one of the best

American movies ever made.

Actually, Zo, most girls

wouldn't know Vanishing Point.

Excuse me. Most girls?

What the f*** are you two?

Yeah, well, we're gearheads.

Of course we watched it.

Y'all grew up watching

that Pretty in Pink sh*t.

Oh, I liked Pretty in Pink.

What, so you didn't watch

John Hughes movies?

Of course I did. I'm a girl.

But I also watched car sh*t, too...

Vanishing Point. Dirty Mary Crazy Larry.

- Gone in 60 Seconds...

- Oh...

The real one, not that

Angelina Jolie bullshit.

We have an outdoor theater in Auckland

that plays Vanishing Point.

Big Wednesday. all the classics.

What do you horny gals want?

Yeah, you got

a 1970 Dodge Challenger for sale?

Right up here, ladies.

This sh*t is off the f***in' hook!

F***in' legendary, mate.

Sweet ass. Well, if you'll excuse me,

I'd like to have a word with my associate.

You ladies take your time.

What are you waiting for?

Ask him to let you drive it by yourself.

I intend to, but first I need

to ask you something.

What?

If he lets us take it out on our own,

I wanna play Ship's Mast.

- Oh, hell, no!

- Keep it down!

Ain't no way I'm doing Ship's Mast.

- For Chrissakes...

- Don't blaspheme.

Sorry.

Now, what did you say

after the last time?

- Look, I know what I said.

- What did you say?

- I know I said we shouldn't...

- No.

You didn't say we shouldn't.

You said we ain't ever gonna do that again.

- But...

- But, my ass!

You said not only are we never

gonna play Ship's Mast again,

but you also said if you ever do

what you trying to do now,

to not only refuse, but that I had permission

to physically restrain your ass if necessary.

Now, did you or did you not say that?

No, no, no.

Answer the question, motherf***er.

- Did you or did you not say that?

- Yes, I said that.

- However...

- Whatever with your "however. "

Look, I know I said it,

and I know I meant it...

Damn skippy you meant it!

But when I said it,

I didn't mean in America!

- Oh, nigga, please.

- For real. Really.

I meant we should never play Ship's Mast

again in New Zealand or Australia.

You are such a liar!

I know what I said, but when I said it

I didn't know I'd ever come to America,

and if I had of known

I was gonna come to America,

had the opportunity to play Ship's Mast

on the Vanishing Point Challenger...

I would have added a "however. "

Right?

Okay, oddly enough,

I actually understood that.

However, just because

you talked yourself into some stupid sh*t

doesn't mean I have lost

my goddamn mind.

You need two people to play Ship's Mast,

and I ain't playing.

I'll be your best friend.

I don't need me no best friend

lives on the other side of Planet Earth.

I'll crack your back.

You'll crack it anyway.

Well, of course I'll crack it anyway.

But now, while I'm here,

I'll be your back-cracking slave.

Whenever you want it, you've got it.

You don't even have to ask.

You just order me to do it, just be like,

"B*tch, get over here and get busy. "

You crack my back, give me foot massages,

and after a shower, you moisturize my butt.

Deal.

We're gonna see if this guy'll let us

take the car out without him.

If he does, you wait here with Lee

and we'll be back in a moment.

What?

- I said we're gonna see if this guy'll let...

- I heard what you said.

I just can't believe

what you said.

You two got some f***in' balls.

What?

Don't play dumbass with me.

I've been up all night, I'm still a little drunk,

and I have a hangover.

I should be in my hotel room, asleep,

not f***in' around on Tobacco Road,

but because Zo wanted to drive

some Vanishing Point car, I'm here.

Now you two got the balls to ask me...

no, scratch that... tell me

I gotta go make conversation with Tom Joad

while the cool kids get to go out and play?

Bullshit on that.

- It ain't like that.

- What's it like, Kim?

You guys are our collateral.

He's never gonna go for it if we all go.

I really think one human being

will be collateral enough.

You 're not gonna

want to do what we're doing.

What, drive a car?

We're doing more than that.

What, drive it fast?

We're doing more than that.

Actually, we're paying you a compliment,

'cause we gonna do some stupid sh*t.

But that's okay. We're stunt people.

We ain't got good sense.

But you got good sense,

and anybody with good sense

- ain't gonna want to do what we're doing.

- How do you know?

'Cause you 're a mum.

Yeah.

You know, we're supposed

to be this big posse,

but that's the excuse you guys use

whenever you want to exclude me,

so what is it you two daredevils are doing

that I'm just so uncool

I couldn't possibly understand?

You know, we're kind of conning this guy,

so maybe it's best if we don't go

into detail about it while he's watching us.

Besides...

he's probably not gonna

let us do it, anyway.

Okay, how about this?

I'll talk him into it,

but I go along.

- How you gonna do that?

- That's my problem.

But don't worry.

He'll say yes.

What are you gonna do, blow him?

No.

I'm gonna insinuate

that Lee's gonna blow him.

That's a good one.

Not really.

But let me handle it.

We got a deal?

Okay, Mama, listen up.

You wanna hang with the cool kids?

You got to be cool.

We take you along, you don't say sh*t.

You don't even say crap.

You just sit in the back, and I don't want

to hear a peep, you understand?

- Got it.

- I'm serious, now.

You start nagging us, we pulling over,

kicking you out, and picking you up later.

Agreed.

Okay. Go work your magic.

- Hello, sir.

- Hello.

- Hello, what's your name?

- Jasper.

Hello, Jasper, I'm Abernathy.

- Aber what?

- Abernathy.

- What's your first name?

- That is my first name.

- What kind of first name is that?

- Just call me Abbie.

Okay, Abbie.

Jasper, we were wondering

if my friends and I could take the car out

for a little test drive out on our own,

just to see if we're comfortable.

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