Death to Smoochy Page #10

Sheldon runs in and immediately starts singing anddancing on the makeshift stage.

(CONTINUED)

56.

CONTINUED:

SMOOCHY:

'Well, how-do-you-do, my goodfriends! How do-you-do, my pals!

It's so nice to see good friends!

Sing along with me now! How do

you do, my good -- '

Sheldon abruptly stops singing as a look of shock comesover him. PUSH IN ON his troubled face.

OMITTED:

INT. WAREHOUSE - SHELDON'S POV

Several hundred men in Nazi uniforms in a warehouse

draped in swastikas. They all start chanting:

NAZIS:

Heil Smoochy! Heil Smoochy! Heil

Smoochy!

A huge swastika banner unfurls behind Smoochy, framinghim like Patton in front of the American flag.

Flashbulbs go off. The "Heil Smoochys" continue. A

GERMAN MARCH starts to BLARE from the SPEAKERS. Lookingstunned, Sheldon slowly leans into the mic. He clears

his throat. The MUSIC STOPS. Everyone quiets down. He

searches for just the right words, and finally...

SHELDON:

It's my sincere hope that I'mdreaming right now, but in theevent that I'm not... what's the

deal with the swastikas?

Suddenly, a sea of policemen bursts into the warehouse.

LEAD COP:

This is an unlawful assembly, youkraut sons-a-b*tches! You're all

under arrest!

Pandemonium ensues us all the Nazis run for cover.

Sheldon stands in the middle of it all, unsure what to

do.

EXT. WAREHOUSE - SHORT WHILE LATER

Sheldon is led from the warehouse in handcuffs and is

barraged with questions from waiting REPORTERS.

Flashbulbs go off as they shout out questions.

(CONTINUED)

57.

CONTINUED:

REPORTER #1

Are you officially a member of theAryan Brotherhood, Sheldon?

REPORTER #2

Is it true you consider AdolphHitler your personal hero?

REPORTER #3

Do you think associating with neo-

Nazis might adversely affect yourcareer?

REPORTER #4

How does it feel to be a hate-

filled racist scumbag?

SHELDON:

This is a mix-up! I'm innocent!

I don't hate anyone!

REPORTER #4

Does that mean you don't hateNazis?

SHELDON:

Wait! I didn't say that! I -

Sheldon is shoved into the back seat of a squad car. It

drives off, SIRENS BLARING.

MONTAGE:

EXT. TIMES SQUARE - NIGHT

The squad car drives through Times Square. The headlines

on the zipper marquee GLIDE THROUGH the FRAME: "Smoochythe Rhino Arrested at Nazi Rally... Cops Raid WarehouseDuring Rhino's Performance... Aryan Brotherhood DeclaresSmoochy 'One of us.'... President Condemns 'Smoochy theFascist'..."

INT. SQUAD CAR - CONTINUOUS ACTION

Sheldon stares out the window as the dark city passes by.

We SLOWLY MOVE IN ON his eyes as we...

DISSOLVE TO:

58.

FLASHBACK - STUDIO C - SOMETIME IN PAST

In SLOW MOTION, Smoochy dances in the studio whileholding a delighted little girl in his arms.

POLICE PRECINCT:

Sheldon is fingerprinted and photographed.

AFRICAN JUNGLE:

STOCK FOOTAGE of a wild rhinoceros being shot by hunters.

STUDIO C:

Smoochy's Magic Jungle is dismantled.

SUBURBAN DRIVEWAY - PAST

A young Sheldon helps his grandfather spread black painton a driveway.

TIMES SQUARE - DAY (PRESENT)

The Smoochy billboard is torn down.

BLACK LIMBO:

The Smoochy costume is in flames. It slowly burns toashes.

EXT. KIDNET BUILDING - LOBBY - DAY

The Kidnet CEO stands before a cluster of reporters andnetwork cameras. We can see the Times Square zippermarquee THROUGH the glass doors behind him.

Headlines read:
"Congressional Committee Probes NaziTies to Kid Biz"... "Smoochy Photos Removed From CityElementary Schools"... "Jewish Groups Plan 'Day ofOutrage'"... "Rhino in Bronx Zoo Pelted With Eggs"...

CEO:

Here at Kidnet, Smoochy the Rhinois now Smoochy the Ghost. We have

excised that particular malignancyfrom our network and will seek out

a suitable replacement.

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)

59.

CONTINUED:

CEO (CONT'D)

Until then, the Smoochy slot willbe safely occupied by Popeye

cartoons. Thank you.

The reporters furiously scribble down his statement.

END OF MONTAGE.

EXT. CITY STREET - DAY

Randolph dances down the street like Gene Kelly. He

whistles a happy tune and tips his hat to everyone whowalks by. As he dances along, he pets a dog...

RANDOLPH:

Hi there, poochy!

Coos at a baby in a stroller...

RANDOLPH:

Well, aren't you the cutest littleboo-boo in the world!

And grabs a rose from a flower vendor before handing itto an old lady...

RANDOLPH:

For you, my dear! May you live tobe a hundred!

He continues to dance onward, waving back at everyone.

Unfortunately, he doesn't realize he's heading straightfor a light pole and slams into it with a sickeningsmack.

RANDOLPH:

F***!

EXT. KIDNET BUILDING - NIGHT

Nora exits the revolving door of the Kidnet building andheads down Broadway. Sheldon pops out from a storefront. He's wearing a knit cap and sunglasses todisguise himself.

SHELDON:

I have to talk to you.

Nora keeps walking.

(CONTINUED)

60.

CONTINUED:

NORA:

We have nothing to talk about.

SHELDON:

Don't tell me you believe whatthey're saying!

NORA:

I don't have to believe anyone.

The picture in the paper said itall. No one forced you to performat that rally.

SHELDON:

Perform? I barely sang one song.

NORA:

Well maybe next time you'll doa longer set.

SHELDON:

Nora, I had no idea that was a

Nazi function. None whatsoever!

NORA:

Funny, you'd think the fifty-footswastika you were standing infront of might've given you ahint.

SHELDON:

The papers are blowing that out ofproportion. It was nowhere near

that big.

Nora stops and looks Sheldon in the eye.

NORA:

Look, the fact of the matter is, I

don't know you, okay? Not really.

So don't expect me to go out on anemotional limb here.

Sheldon looks crushed.

SHELDON:

But what about the balcony? What

about the Klunky-Wunky dance?

NORA:

I was drunk. Don't read too much

into it.

She looks at him for a moment and then walks off.

61.

EXT. TIMES SQUARE - DAYS LATER

A disheveled and unshaven Sheldon wanders the streets,

looking dazed. He's stuffing a cupcake into his mouthand swigging from a bottle of root beer. He passes aconstruction site and notices some graffiti on a wall -a

crudely-drawn goose-stepping Smoochy in a Nazi uniformand Hitler moustache. Sheldon keeps walking. He

descends the subway stairs at 42nd Street.

EXT. CONEY ISLAND STATION - STREET LEVEL - LATER

Sheldon comes up from the subway. We see the Cyclonefrom Astroland in the b.g.

EXT. SIDE STREET (CONEY ISLAND) - FEW MINUTES LATER

Sheldon stands in front of the methadone clinic he used

to perform at. It's boarded up. He just stares at it.

An OLD VAGRANT walks up to him.

OLD VAGRANT:

If you're lookin' to get a cup ofjuice, the well's dried up, son.

City shut her down. Bastards'll

put a new pair of tits on theStatue of Liberty, but they won'thelp a poor hophead.

The Vagrant shakes his head sadly.

OLD VAGRANT:

Just once I wish I had a little

clout. You know? I'd set thingsstraight in this town, believe me.

(sighs)

Hell of a world.

Rate this script:4.0 / 1 vote