Deck the Halls Page #4

You know what?

You are gonna help me write the cookbook.

- OK. I'd be happy to.

- Yes!

Kids.

Oh, nice.

- Where are your clothes?

- Calm down, Dad. I have ajacket.

Well, keep it zipped.

- Where are the twins?

- They'll be over when the boys come.

Boys? Boys? Madison is not allowed to date.

Honey, don't worry, it's a one-time thing.

They ship out next week.

- They're in the navy?

- Bye, Dad.

Wait! Wait!

Wait! Wait!

Thank you for coming,

and thank you for braving the insanity.

I have the songbooks here,

so pass them amongst yourselves.

Do you have

"There's An Acorn In My Stocking"?

Do you have "The Ignorant Snowman"?

- I don't think I do.

- There's a news crew over at the Halls'.

Yeah, it really is quite a spectacle.

I thought that we would start

with one of my very favourites.

"The Holly and the Ivy".

Pitch pipe.

Oh, I'm sorry. Hi.

- Have a good time. Sing away.

- Sorry, honey.

Thanks for coming.

- I love that song!

- No, wait. Wait, come back.

Come back here.

We're not done with rehearsal.

Come back. We're going caroling.

It's a tradition. Everybody...

Honey. You!

I'm not going anywhere.

Where are the kids?

Oh, look. They're going

to be making kissing and so.

Kissing and so.

Hello, there. We're from Channel Eight

News, and we would love to have an interview.

Hi. I'm just very happy

that everyone likes the lights.

Yes, indeed. Obviously you have

put an awful lot of work into this.

Yeah. And I'm nowhere near being finished.

Oh, are you kidding me? Jesus!

Look at that. The lights have brought

out the Christmas spirit in everyone.

Yeah. They bring out

the Christmas spirit in everybody.

- Yeah, I'm really happy about that.

- Oh, my gosh.

I'm not gonna stop until I have

the biggest and brightest light display

in the world.

- Oh, please.

- I also...

I really want my house to be seen...

from space!

Oh, my God!

- Outer space.

- Oh, God!

Honey, wait. What are you gonna do?

You heard him, didn't you?

This is gonna stop. Tonight.

We'll see what Sheriff Dave has to say.

Does anybody know

who these RVs belong to? Anybody?

- Why? You want to make me an offer?

- No, I need to get out.

OK. Scoot on through.

- I don't know.

- I swear to God, men can't drive any more.

Hold my beer, I'll do it for you.

OK, OK, I'll do it, I'll

do it. Just guide me out.

All right.

You could probably use a few more lights

on your house. Look at that thing.

- All right, you ready?

- You sure?

That's why I'm here, buddy. Don't worry.

I'm watching you. I'm watching.

A little bit to your right.

No, no, your other right.

- Yeah, come on.

- I can't see the other side at all.

No, that's OK.

I'm your eyes. I'm your eyes.

- Straight back.

- Doesn't look like enough room to me.

- God!

- Oh, boy!

Oh, that's ugly.

OK, OK. It's all right. At this point,

it's like pulling off a Band-Aid.

You gottajust gun it. You know what I mean?

OK, you ready?

One, two...

Gun it!

Get out of the way, please. Excuse me.

This is an active roadway.

Please. Oh, come on.

Sheriff, do something

about my neighbour's house.

Oh, yeah, the Hall place. I take my kids

by there every night after dinner.

It keeps getting bigger and bigger.

Yes. Well, that's why I

want you to arrest him.

Arrest him? On what charge?

- Light trespass.

- Light trespass?

Uh-huh.

Yes. Light trespass.

"When bright, uncontrolled light

shines in neighbouring property or windows

as to cause a public nuisance. "

Well, I'm public and I've been nuisanced.

Well, I can't arrest a man for dec...

What are you looking at?

- What? This?

- No. I...

I don't mind if you wear a bra.

Looks like a nice one.

It's a brace. My wife made it for me.

I dislocated my shoulder and it keeps

popping back out. What did you think?

- Did you think I was wearing a bra?

- No. That would...

That would be crazy.

Now, as far as the lights are concerned,

I'm saying it's Christmas and you have

a lot on your mind with Winterfest,

but if you want to file a complaint,

I'll fill out the paperwork.

I do. Thank you. I appreciate it.

I will file a complaint.

Now, where is that form?

Ah, yes. Ah, here we are.

Dr Finch?

Yo.

Sleigh man.

What happened? I woke up and you

were gone. What are you doing out here?

Honey, you've really

been doing a lot of work.

- Yeah.

- It looks amazing.

I guess the light thing

is pretty stupid, isn't it?

Oh, honey.

Yeah, it is.

It's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

You want our lights to be seen from space.

Certifiable.

- I'll take 'em all down tomorrow.

- You touch one bulb on that house

and you've seen the last of my special

holiday offers. You know what I mean.

- You said they looked stupid.

- It's crazy.

But all good ideas are crazy.

- These are lights.

- Oh, come on.

I think we both know

it means more to you than just lights.

Who knows?

It might turn out to be...

something monumental.

- I can always count on you, can't I?

- Sure.

Oh, cow. We'll have

buttermilk pancakes tomorrow.

- What is he up to now?

- Animals for a live manger scene.

Unbelievable. Is that a camel?

Look at that. He is sweet.

Yep. Can't wait to run my kids by.

If you wanna make sure they see it,

bring 'em tonight.

Let's light this candle.

What are you doing?

Oh, I...

What are you doing up anyway?

It's late. You should go to bed.

Zip up your coat.

You're gonna cut his power, aren't you?

Need a lookout?

SpongeBob, this is SquarePants.

The tiger is in the cage.

Roger that, SquarePants.

- I'm going in.

- Roger.

Stop!

Ashley, ouch!

This is the best Christmas ever.

Emily, stop.

The tiger is off the enclosure.

What? What channel are you on? Hello?

He's coming! Hide!

Oh, good Lord.

That's disgusting.

No. No, get away from me.

Well, go, before he comes back.

Pardon me.

Yeah, I oughta...

Jackpot.

Mission accomplished.

Yeah! Yeah!

Hi, hon. Couldn't sleep?

What the hell are you doing over there?

Oh, my God. You smell.

Were you with the camel?

I did it. I did it.

The lights are off. Isn't it great?

Little help, please. Sorry, Mom.

- It was his idea.

- Get him down right now!

All right. But, tonight, when you're getting

your best sleep in weeks, remember I did it.

The lights are off. The lights are finally...

Now we're talking!

You see that? That was a close one.

The lights went out.

Yeah. We came right over to see if there

was anything we could do to help, Buddy.

- What's that noise?

- Oh, that? That's the Generac-3000.

Liquid-cooled generator. Comes in

really handy in a pinch like this.

- Very handy.

- Everything seems to be in order here, honey.

I think we should go to bed.

Good night, Buddy.

Excuse me. Is that your son

dangling from that telephone pole?

Hi, Mr Hall.

- We're having him tested.

- Oh, yeah.

Well, good night. Thank you very much.

Go get him right now!

Coming, Carter.

Finch!

Where's my paper?

Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

Kelly.

He's messing with the wrong hombre.

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