Deck the Halls Page #5

I'm making the call.

The Neighbourhood Association

are not gonna stand by with this...

What is it?

How did this get here?

- Buddy.

- Really?

Hey, Dad. What's that car

doing in our driveway?

- It's beautiful.

- This is awesome. I call shotgun.

If you don't like the

colour, we can change it.

Buddy? Buddy, the tree? A car?

It's an amazingly generous gesture,

but we can't possibly accept it.

Yeah. It's too much.

- But we don't wanna be rude.

- Steve.

Well, I drive a car with no doors.

We live in Massachusetts. I could die.

The car is yours.

I'm not gonna take no for an answer.

After all I put you through,

that's all there is to it.

The keys are inside. Enjoy.

- Thank you so much.

- This is great.

- Enjoy.

- Thank you.

I'll get the electrician to fix the fuse box.

- Yes, I think you'd better.

- I will.

Guys, what happened?

Vandals.

They took a chainsaw to it last night.

Stole the whole thing, decorations and all.

Gee.

Nah.

He couldn't have. It can't be the same tree.

- Dr Finch, this is from the car dealer.

- Oh, probably the documentation...

They say you have to pay by lunchtime

or you'll be arrested.

Arrested? Arrested? But that car...

- Bob, you wanted to see me?

- Yeah. Hey, Buddy, come on in here.

Grab a seat. Let me just

send that important thing off there.

Look, I know you think I'm young

and maybe a little inexperienced,

but the truth is you don't get to where I am

without knowing a thing or two

about the art of selling cars. Huh?

Actually, Bob, you got to where you are

because your dad owns the business.

Look, yeah, we're getting off task here.

It's not important.

What's important is this month's

sales figures. They just came in...

Bob, I should be out there selling cars.

Whoa, hold up there.

Come on. Come on back inside here.

Look, you're a great salesman,

everybody knows that. All right?

But the problem is

your numbers are way down, Buddy.

You can't sell cars if you're never here.

Bob...

It's the lights, the Christmas lights.

See, all my life

I've been looking for that one thing,

that one important thing.

And I've always quit everything I started.

I can't quit this, Bob. I gotta finish this.

Right. Well, if finishing those lights

means more time away from work,

then you're not gonna have ajob

to come back to when you're done.

- Buddy Hall, customer in the showroom.

- Duty calls.

Hey, Steve.

What is this? Hey, what is this?

What's inside here?

I don't have my X-ray goggles with me,

but I'm guessing that's the bill

to the new car you bought.

I didn't buy a car. You gave me a car.

And I know about the tree.

Tree? The tree? What tree?

I don't know about any tree.

And unless they have film on it,

you don't know about any tree.

They don't have film on it, do they?

You chopped down the town tree

and stuck it in my living room,

and you made me believe

that car was a present.

Steve, if you would have looked at the bill,

you'd have noticed that I shaved

my commission by almost a third,

which in most circles

is quite a substantial gift.

Well, your gift is parked outside.

Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve, you

cannot walk away from your obligations.

- You signed the contract.

- I didn't sign anything.

No, that's true. You didn't sign anything.

I had to forge your signature, otherwise they

wouldn't let me drive the car out of here.

OK, that's it, that's it.

We are going to settle this like men.

Who?

- I'm gonna contact my attorney.

- Contact your attorney?

Is the way you settle things like men?

Your mommy out of town?

OK, that's it. You wanna go?

Let's go outside right now!

Let's do it. I'm gonna kick your ass!

Take it easy, Jackie Chan.

Relax. We're not barbarians.

What do you wanna do?

Well, there's the little

Winterfest coming up.

And in the Winterfest,

there is an ice-skating race.

Yeah.

Yeah, great idea.

Great idea. You win, I buy the car.

I win, you take down the lights.

Deal.

Tree sap.

It's a beautiful car. It's fully loaded.

You spared no expense.

Keep your eye on the frozen ball.

I'm gonna knock the little hairs

off that little Russian guy.

- Do it. Do it like I know you can.

- Little wooden man going down.

- Zingo!

- Touchdown.

Come on, son. Let's show him how it's done.

- Hello, Steve.

- Hello.

- OK. Give him five dollars, son.

- My dad's gonna win.

- Ah, southpaw.

- Watch and learn.

Look at them. Why are they working

so hard at hating each other?

I don't know. Why can't they just be quiet and

do it with a big smile like normal neighbours?

Yeah.

That mean man knocked down the old lady.

- He just winged her.

- That's gonna swell up.

Not too late to back out, Finch.

- What are they doing now?

- This is just getting embarrassing.

On your mark, get set...

Wait.

They're acting like a bunch of 12 year olds.

I don't know... Let's just... I can't.

Buddy! Buddy!

You! Come on. Come with me. Come on.

- You two have tweaked my last nerve.

- She's right. This is crazy.

I don't care if it takes all day.

You're gonna stand here and work it out.

- There's nothing to work out.

- You see?

You can't talk to a guy like this.

It's a waste of time.

- Why'd you hit me?

- I don't know. She started it.

Don't be such babies.

This is important to us. And it better

be important to you too. Talk it out.

Talk it out.

What are we supposed to say?

- There is nothing that we could agree on.

- You got that right.

OK, everybody, now let's give

a nice, warm Winterfest welcome to...

the Santa Babies.

Now, that is something we can agree on.

I mean, that's got it going on.

Look at that.

- Well, you're a guy, right?

- Yeah, I'm a guy.

Hey! Hey!

Is it getting hot out here

or is itjust you girls?

Oh, nice dip.

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about!

Hey, baby, who's your daddy?

Who's your daddy?

Who's your daddy?

Oh, God. I'm your daddy. I'm your daddy!

- I'm your daddy. Oh, God!

- My eyes! My eyes!

My eyes. My eyes.

- We're going to hell.

- You think I don't know that?

I let myself think you were a normal guy

and this is what happens.

You blame me for this?

"Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy?"

The annual Winterfest speed skating

races will begin in five minutes.

In the world of sport, it has no equal.

Modern-day gladiators

throwing caution to the wind,

risking their very lives

for a chance at immortality.

OK, so they're not risking their lives, but they

are skating pretty fast. And it's really cool.

It's Winterfest's ninth

annual speed skating race.

OK, is that everybody?

Well, looks like somebody got cold feet.

- Let's start the race.

- Wait!

Wait.

Wait.

Very nice. Very nice suit.

Looks like you're smuggling

two chicken nuggets up there.

It's a skin suit. I raced in college.

- Go, Dad.

- Thank you, Carter.

Dad, Dad, he's our man,

if he can't do it, nobody can. Dad!

On your mark.

- Honeys.

- Get set.

Go!

Oh! Finch is down!

Finch is down and he looks bad.

Wait. He's back up.

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