Deidra & Laney Rob a Train Page #3

- You what?

- Look, I didn't get caught.

- Dee!

I didn't get caught. I just...

I need somebody to spot me. That's it.

I promise I won't let anything happen

to you.

No, you can't find someone else?

Who else is gonna help me rob trains?

Dee...

Fine.

But it's not gonna work. So...

Yes, it is, glitter bunny.

So how does one rob a train?

Well, there are dozens of different cars.

Like grain cars, oil cars...

box cars.

The goods we want travel

in containers on flat cars.

But the container doors

are locked with steel bolts.

We'll need something strong enough

to cut through them.

The shippers might figure out

a container's been opened.

But with 138,000 miles of track in the US,

they'll never know

where the break-in happened.

If you get caught, don't snitch.

Over here we have the train schedule,

so we know exactly when they're coming.

8,000 and 10,000. And then bingo.

Give me some skin.

We will only work at night

when there are fewer workers

and the neighbors are asleep.

We board the train half a mile

from our house.

We have 20 minutes

before we hit the yard.

Ten minutes to open the container,

five to pick boxes

and three to push the boxes off.

It's funny, right?

Get my backpack.

Oh, my God. I hate you!

The train stops for two minutes

before it goes into the yard.

When we see Mr. Bear,

that's our last chance to get off.

- Hey, wait.

- What?

Are you sure about this?

Sure about...

Oh, you mean the robbery

that we've been planning all week?

Yeah, I'm sure about it.

Okay, but wait. Planning it is one thing,

but actually doing it?

Laney, we are going to rob a train, okay?

Do you wanna bail Mom out?

Because this is how we're gonna do it.

Hey, isn't that one of Jet's toys?

He knows he's not supposed

to play over here.

- That's ironic.

- You know what?

Oh, God!

- Oh, shoot! Go, go, go!

- Okay, okay.

Come on! Come on, we're gonna miss it.

Hurry up!

Go up fast.

Here, give me your hand.

Give me your hand!

Okay.

- Laney, hold this.

- Okay.

Okay.

Go, go, go.

- Oh, my God, I can't! I can't!

- Ready?

- Okay.

- Push.

I guess we'll start at the front?

Yeah.

I got it.

Okay.

- I hope that wasn't expensive.

- I hope it was.

Oh, two minute marker.

- Oh, sh*t! Oh!

- What? What?

It's a cop!

Laney!

- Go, go, go! We gotta split up!

- What?

Dee!

Dee.

Are you okay?

Okay, come on.

- Okay, let's go.

- Okay.

- Shut up.

- Wait.

- Okay. I got it, I got it.

- Okay.

Oh, Lord have mercy.

- Okay.

- All right.

- Hurry. One, two, three.

- Okay.

- Oh, sh*t! Get down!

- Oh, sh*t.

Remember when you

pushed me off the train?

Remember when I made you carry

freight boxes back to the house?

Towels, three microwaves and...

Jeans.

This is Deidra.

Straight A queen.

This is G Dog and Wally.

Check it out.

Where'd you get all this?

Do you want this stuff or not,

Mr. Entrepreneur?

Socks?

What the hell are we gonna do with socks?

- There's other stuff, too.

- Laundry detergent!

What? That sh*t's expensive.

All right.

I am not letting you drop out.

No slouching.

Why? I mean, you've seen me during Q&A.

People are staring at me. I get all hot.

My brain turns to cat food.

Cat food?

Sweetie, you were never supposed

to make finalist.

But a girl in Lakewood dropped out

because she was pregnant,

and the judges said I could choose

whoever I wanted, and so here you are.

Why me? There are tons

of other not-pregnant girls.

I could see you needed it the most.

Believe it or not, I was once like you.

Shy, constantly embarrassed.

And then I realized, I wasn't shy at all.

I was just out of place.

I was a Princess Kate living

in a Kardashian world.

- I'm... just a Tanner.

- We'll see about that.

Unh-unh. Handle.

Four fingers down, pinkie up. Like a lady.

- Hey!

- You said you would call. What happened?

Look.

Yeah, well...

- So tonight?

- Again?

Do you have something better to do?

- No.

- No. Oh, my God.

My face to the sky

Dreaming about just how high

I could go and if I know

When I get there

Taking off my glasses

Sun pokes through my lashes

Somehow I know

There's a time for every star to shine

Everybody got their something

Make you smile

Like an itty bitty child

Everybody got their something

Everybody got their something

People keeping score

Better hurry up and get yours

Somebody else got your spot

Before you even dropped

Seek and you shall find

Everything in my own sweet time

Yeah...

- Spiral notebooks?

- Uh, no.

Sleeping bags?

- Uh... maybe. Yeah.

- So, uh...

So there's this pageant dress rehearsal

next week at school

and they're inviting parents,

and I was wondering

if maybe you wanna come.

Hell no. That sounds terrible.

Yeah, it will be.

You know, why do you care

about this pageant stuff?

I mean, we have bigger things

to deal with.

Well, I tried to drop out

because Claire's super pissed,

- but Ms. Fowler won't let me.

- Claire? Who is that?

Claire, my best friend, you know.

- I have friends.

- Man, get back at her by winning.

- Funny.

- Why's that funny?

You say "winning" like it's not hard.

Is it, though?

We're talking about a human dog show.

Well, Mom was Teen Miss Idaho.

She was gonna be a reality TV star,

but then she had us,

and her life went to crap.

Wait a minute. Whoa, wait. What?

Her point being that I am nobody

because I am meant to be nobody,

and there's no use in trying.

So she gets herself nowhere,

and now she blames us?

You know what? You are not nobody.

You are a badass who robs trains.

You're my Sundance Kid.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

Bring it in. Mmm! Just like that.

- Now come over here and help me.

- Okay.

And no screw-ups like last time.

I thought he was my suspect.

Night watchmen should wear

brightly-colored uniforms.

Well, you're teaming with local PD.

Oh, well, that's very helpful.

Thank you very much.

Hey!

I know you.

We were on TV together.

What you up to, buddy?

I'm trying to think of a small word

that means "ignoramus."

Well... all right then.

You told her not to even try.

Have you met your daughter?

She can barely order pizza over the phone.

- Deidra, I didn't.

- Yes, you did.

What if this is something that she needed?

- You said that we ruined your life.

- What?

No. Deidra, that is not what I meant.

You know what?

I am gonna take care of Laney now.

That's not what I meant.

Right there.

The height, the build, the energy,

these are obviously teenagers,

and they're probably mine.

Or maybe they could be very short adults.

- Ever think of that, Mr. Truman?

- Detective Truman.

And I know the difference

between teenagers and midgets.

Don't say that word.

Nobody says that word anymore.

I understand the students

in this school ascend

- to a particular level of miscreancy.

- They're not my students.

I mean,

I'm transferring to a better school

as soon as I get all

the college applications.

Trust me, I'm as embarrassed to be

in this godforsaken burg as you are.

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