Diary Of A Wimpy Kid Page #3

- What?

Let go, Baby Hippo!

(LAUGHING)

You're gonna have to come out

sometime, loser!

I'll wait here as long as it takes.

And then, you're dead.

Time out, Rodrick. I have to pee.

(CHUCKLES) No time outs. Only death!

- But I really have to go.

- Don't care.

(WATER GURGLING)

(GURGLING)

(EXCLAIMS)

(SIGHS)

(HUMMING)

Move over! I'm dying!

(SIGHING DEEPLY)

Got you!

(SCREAMING)

Greg, did you throw Manny off his...

What is going on?

Greg started it!

I just came in here to take a shower!

He's lying! He was gonna kill me

'cause I was in his room!

And so you peed on him?

Yes. I mean, no. I mean...

Yes.

(WHISTLING)

(ALL CHATTERING)

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

Wow, there's a lot to sign up for.

You could be class favorite

in a bunch of things.

Jazz dancing!

We could do that one together!

I can't believe all these activities.

They're all so much work.

Staying after school,

meeting before school, on weekends.

What kind of extracurricular activities

are these?

Out of my way.

Who let you into this school, Greg Heffley?

I was thinking the same thing about you,

Patty Farrell.

You listen to me, Greg Heffley.

I'm running for student council president

and I'm warning you,

if you get in my way, I will beat you up,

just like I did in kindergarten

and fourth grade.

Fourth grade? That one was ugly.

What's her problem?

What did I ever do to her?

Patty, Patty is a fatty,

has a face just like a ratty!

(CRYING)

(ALL LAUGHING)

Come on, that was pretty funny.

She needs to get a sense of humor.

And I need something to make me

a class favorite.

ANGIE:
What about class favorites?

Don't you ever say hi or hello

before you start talking?

- Hi.

- Hello.

Oh, Greg's only here because

he really wants to be something...

Rowley!

I was just saying that

I would really like to nail these people

because it's so obvious that

they're only doing these activities

to get in the yearbook.

You know, I like your point of view.

You should sign up for the school paper.

We're the voice of the people.

Well, the people are mostly idiots,

so I guess, technically speaking,

we're the voice of the people

making fun of the people.

Thanks, but I can't be on the paper

because I'm gonna be in the paper a lot.

So that would be a conflict of interest.

You're the people. Got it.

Do you believe me now?

That girl is crazy town.

Look! They have wrestling!

That's it! I'm great at wrestling.

I've watched it for years,

I know all the moves.

Tombstone piledriver.

Chair shot.

Vader Bomb.

AUDIENCE:
Heffley! Heffley!

Heffley! Heffley!

Heffley! Heffley! Heffley!

Okay. Something is very wrong here.

These don't look like

wrestling costumes to me.

Welcome to wrestling,

you future Olympians!

So, just to make sure

we all get off on the right foot

and nobody gets seriously injured,

we're gonna teach you a few basic moves.

Remember, this is about

learning the sport and having fun!

All right. It's not a competition

because everyone here

is already a superstar to me.

Coach Brewer, can you step over here

for a moment,

please, give me a hand? Thanks.

(GRUNTS)

(ALL EXCLAIM)

That's known as a speed takedown.

Nice job, Coach Brewer.

Can you get up and come behind me?

Put one arm over my shoulder?

Let's go, yeah.

You got it, walk it off, come on.

That was known as the arm drag.

Let's give Coach Brewer a hand,

everybody!

He's fine.

Yeah, Heffley.

What about piledrivers and Vader bombs?

That is fake wrestling.

This is real wrestling! Let's go!

If I have to wrestle Benny Wells,

he'll kill me!

MALONE:
Let's move! Come on!

Okay, to keep things fair, I've divided you

into weight categories by your size,

so Rottweilers over here.

Bulldogs, you stay right there.

And we got two

Chihuahuas. Yeah.

Nice head gear.

Thanks. My mom let me borrow it.

All right, let's see what you got.

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

Don't worry, Fregley,

I'll take it easy on you.

(EXCLAIMING)

Hey, I wasn't ready!

Nobody's keeping score, but that was

a sweet speed takedown, Fregley!

This is fun, Greg Heffley!

Get off me!

ALL:
(CHANTING) Fregley! Fregley! Fregley!

Blow the whistle, blow the whistle!

All right! Fregley!

Outstanding!

And let's...

Let's hear it for our other winner.

Yay, Greg!

I can't lose to Fregley again.

If I get beat by the weirdest kid in school,

nobody's ever gonna let me

sit at their table.

How are you going to beat him?

It's like he had superhuman strength!

I'm not gonna beat him.

I'm gonna gain 10 pounds this week

so I can move up to

the Bulldog weight class.

And then you and I can wrestle each other.

Ready?

- Can I throw at you now?

- Later.

You're better at riding than I am,

and I'm a better thrower.

(SIGHS)

Greg, save some for everybody else,

honey.

GREG:
Can't. I need to bulk up.

Why?

I think your body looks beautiful

just the way it is.

I heard he got his butt kicked at wrestling.

Now what is wrong with you?

Why would you sign up for something

you don't have to do?

You signed up for wrestling?

Kind of.

You never sign up for anything at school.

You fly below the radar.

That way you never raise

anyone's expectations.

Thank you, Rodrick,

for those words of motivational wisdom,

but perhaps

a better way to look at it is that

it's a chance

to learn to excel at something.

Well, what could I learn at school

that I can't teach myself?

Well, Greg, I think it's great that

you took the initiative

to learn something new.

This is like the first step to responsibility!

My boss's son Will was smaller than you,

but he built himself up with the weights!

Yeah.

We could get you the same equipment.

You could train,

get the right nutrition, cardio.

You'd be in tip-top shape just like Will.

And it would only take, like, three months.

- Three months?

- Yeah.

I'll just stick to eating.

Well, I don't know

where you put it, Heffley,

but you gained 10 pounds

and joined the Bulldog class.

Yes.

I thought

you didn't gain any weight this week.

My mom's ankle weights.

All right, bulldog Heffley.

Meet your new opponent.

What? But this is boys' wrestling.

Ever hear of Title IX?

Her parents threatened to sue,

so you show her

what it's like to wrestle a real live boy.

(PATTY GRUNTS)

Come on! What you waiting for, huh?

Don't be such a wuss, Heffley.

- Make your move!

- She's a girl.

Where do I grab her?

- Stay down!

- Patty, over here.

- Get off of me!

- Can I wrestle somebody good now?

(ALL LAUGHING)

Well, look who's in the paper!

Greg! You're famous!

Right on the front page!

And if I would have pinned her,

which I could have done easily,

you know I would have gotten in trouble

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