Diary Of A Wimpy Kid Page #5

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

Where are we going?

We're totally exposed!

- My grandma's house!

- Quickly!

They're coming!

(RINGING DOORBELL)

- Hello?

- That's not helping! She's not home!

- Bingo night.

- CARTER:
Okay, you guys are dead.

ROWLEY:
Open the door! Get the key!

GREG:
Okay. Okay.

- ROWLEY:
Open the door! Get it!

- Come on, let's get them, boys.

ROWLEY:
They're coming!

ROWLEY:
Now!

CARTER:
Oh, I got you now!

PETE:
Hey, hey!

Come on, you babies!

I'm gonna kick your butts!

- Yeah? You and what army?

- Whatever.

(BOTH BABBLING)

You guys are so lucky you can hide

in there behind your mommy!

No, we aren't! It's not our house!

It's his grandma's

and she's not even home!

(LAUGHING)

What? Why would you tell them that?

CARTER:
(SOFTLY) Did he just say that?

Oops.

Now they're never gonna leave.

You need to call your mom to come get us.

Mine'll kill me if she knows we're here.

Mine will, too.

She thinks you're a bad influence.

She's right.

Then we're gonna have to bust out of here.

- PETE:
You have any threes?

- Go fish.

(CREAKING)

Hey, what's that?

(D ANGER! HIGH VOL TAGEPLAYING)

Danger, danger

High Voltage

(LAUGHING)

Danger, danger

High Voltage

Just back off!

I don't want to hurt anybody,

we just want to walk away

and forget this ever happened.

Nobody needs to be a hero! Whoa!

Are you kidding me?

I'm gonna rip off your arms and punch you

in the face with your own fists!

- They're gaining!

- This way!

The Devil Worshiper Woods! No way!

PETE:
Hey! Stay right there!

We're gonna get you!

(PANTING) They're going into the woods.

(PANTING) No, no way I go

into Devil Worshiper Woods. Uh-uh.

This isn't over!

- ROWLEY:
I'm really scared!

- Just keep running!

(ROWLEY PANTING)

(LOUD LAUGHTER)

ROWLEY:
Did you hear that?

It's the devil worshipers.

(LOUD LAUGHTER)

(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

Guys?

- Are we safe?

- Yeah.

And we made it with still a ton of candy.

Sorry. I was...

I thought you were teenagers.

- BO Y:
Maybe next year, Pops!

- Hey!

(SNIFFING)

(GROANS)

So anyone else

exhibiting symptoms of pink eye

should contact the nurse immediately.

In field trip news,

consent forms are going out today

for our annual

History of Plumbing excursion.

In sports news...

I think Shelly is looking Hot today.

- BO Y:
Yeah.

- Are they talking about me?

I don't know. I don't speak Russian.

(TEACHER SHUSHING)

And finally, some positions

have opened up for the Safety Patrol.

If anyone is interested,

see Mr. Winsky after homeroom.

GREG:
Now that's what I'm talking about.

Safety Patrol. The cops of middle school.

You boss people around, report the jerks,

and miss class three times a week.

MR. WINSKY:
Safety Patrol

is a sacred trust.

When you put on this vest and that badge

you become a protector of the weak.

You become an enforcer of the laws

of this school,

because today's litterer and jaywalker

is tomorrow's window breaker

and graffiti vandal,

and it's our job to stop it.

So I ask you, are you up for the job?

- Yes!

- Yes!

Then welcome to Safety Patrol.

Just remember, with great power...

- Whoa.

...comes great responsibility.

Now, you get your first assignment

just after lunch,

so you'll be excused

from the first 20 minutes of sixth period.

But that means we'll miss Algebra... Ouch!

Do we get free stuff?

- Free hot cocoa.

- Could this day get any better?

Whoa, is that cocoa?

- Sorry, Safety Patrol only.

- Sorry.

You rejected the school paper,

but you joined the Safety Patrol?

Look, are you working

your way down the evolutionary ladder?

What?

Look, Safety Patrol

is the lowest of the low,

the geekiest of the geeky,

the Island of Misfit Toys.

You're just jealous they don't trust you

to keep our school safe.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I need to secure the perimeter.

GIRL:
I'm hungry.

GREG:
Keep it straight, people.

Single-file line, one by one.

(ROCK MUSIC BLARING ON CAR RADIO)

Greg! It's those guys from Halloween!

What do we do?

Come on, man, just pull my finger.

I swear to God, I'm not gonna do anything.

Everybody, shoulder to shoulder.

Shoulder to shoulder.

- GREG:
Go. Go!

- Whoa, whoa.

- That was close.

- Too close.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

GREG:
It's times like these

that make me realize

Rowley's pretty lucky

to have me as a friend.

ROWLEY:
And I got Twisted Wizard Two,

and a new bike!

And we're going to take a family trip

to New York City for New Year's Eve!

- What did you get?

- My dad got me a weight-lifting set.

Do you know how many video games

I could've gotten instead?

I had to get out of there

before he expected me to, like, use it.

Anyway, let's play some

Twisted Wizard Two at your house.

Probably not a good idea.

My dad's still annoyed at you.

For what?

Remember that secret language

we made up last week?

Your-pa dad-pa smells-pa

like-pa a woman-pa.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

I think he cracked our code.

We should probably do something outside.

ROWLEY:
Why can't you ride

and I throw at you first?

My legs kind of hurt

from walking over here.

(SIGHS)

(SCREAMING)

(GRUNTS)

Okay, Rowley. Come on. Get up.

(ROWLEY GROANING)

Shake it off.

Are you sure the doctor was right?

It really didn't look that broken to me.

Yeah, it's broken. The X-ray never lies.

- Oh, my gosh. What happened?

- I broke it.

- SHELLY:
How?

- Big Wheel accident.

You're funny.

- Can I sign your cast?

- Me, too.

- I wanna sign it, too.

- Why, sure.

Hey, I'm the one who broke his hand.

Then you're a jerk.

- (WHISPERS) Sorry.

- GIRL:
Does it hurt?

(EXCLAIMS)

SHELLY:
Rowley, you're so funny.

- After I stood...

- GREG:
I couldn't believe it!

Rowley was eating at an actual table

because of something I did!

Where's my credit?

And he's right handed!

He can feed himself just fine.

So, how's that class favorite thing

working out for you?

Great.

(WHOOPING)

I realized Rowley's injury thing

was a pretty good racket.

(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

- MARLEY:
It's gonna be so much fun.

- Hey, guys. Check it out.

Oh, my gosh, what happened?

It's a raging infection caused by a splinter

that was left untreated.

Want to be the first to sign

my sympathy sheet?

No.

I'll sign it, Greg Heffley,

if you'd let me look at your infection.

ROWLEY:
And on the X-ray, you could see

where the bone just snapped right in half.

I had the exact same break last year,

and it got all purple!

- ROWLEY:
Cool! Mine, too!

- Hey, Gregory, want to sign the card?

You got Rowley a card?

What? No, it's for Bryan Little.

You know, the guy who writes

the Wacky Dawg cartoons

for the school paper?

He has mono and he's going to be out

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