Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star Page #10

You guys, I got it.

Where is everybody?

You guys, are you kidding me?

I got it. It worked.

Where are you?

There you are.

I got the part!

Oh!

That's wonderful.

Something's wrong.

Oh, George and Cyndi?

George and Cyndi?

They ran off together?

So we're going

to film in Hawaii.

I'm going to be there,

like, six months.

I sacrificed

so much to get this.

Sidney gave up his kidney.

I'll send you guys some money.

No. No, Dickie.

Please, don't worry about us.

You're not responsible for us.

I'm not?

I sometimes feel like I am.

I mean...

George didn't just

suddenly lose his head,

you know?

Something like this was going

to happen sooner or later.

Dickie, it's not your fault.

It's his fault.

Did she take the rest

of your money?

Yeah.

Yeah, but I don't care,

you know?

It was never about the money.

It was about something more

than that.

And now you have that, right?

Yeah.

I have everything

I always wanted.

And I have you to thank.

Dickie.

Go find your happiness.

Wherever that takes you.

Dickie, Dickie...

It'll just take one

minute of your time.

What does it feel like to be

living the Hollywood dream?

Dickie, over here.

We want to interview

the comeback kid

for Hollywood Scene.

Sally, come on.

Dickie,

Jann Carl,

from Entertainment Tonight.

Look, we want

to do an exclusive interview.

It's an amazing story.

You have climbed your way back.

Folks, it looks like

we'll be departing here

on time today.

We anticipate a smooth trip

to the Hawaiian islands,

and we appreciate you flying

with us here

on Christmas Eve. Ho, Ho, Ho.

Sit back, relax

and enjoy your trip.

So,

did you want coffee,

tea... or me?

Oh, Brittany, you are wicked.

Mr. Roberts can't join

the mile-high club.

We're still on the ground.

Thanks anyway, ladies.

I'm just going

to study my lines.

Oh yeah, we heard about

the movie and the director.

You're a huge star.

So tell us...

what's the movie about?

- We are huge fans.

- Huge.

Huge. Seriously huge fans.

- Sick.

- We love your work.

I mean, but normal.

Totally normal.

It's about this guy, Mr. Blake.

And in the movie, he wants

to build the biggest house

in the whole world,

because he thinks

it will make him happy,

but it doesn't.

It doesn't?

Big houses make me horny.

Me, too.

Well, he used

to think the same way,

but then he falls in love.

Is she a flight attendant?

Does she get to live

in that big house?

'Cause I met this producer...

No, no, no. Listen, listen.

He finds love, and he realizes

that love is everything.

Not the biggest house

in the world,

not being a billionaire.

He finds out what he wanted

wasn't what he needed,

and what he needed was

in his own backyard.

It was right there

in his own backyard.

I didn't have the money

for real presents

this year, okay?

So, Sam, if what I got you is

not what you really wanted,

or you're disappointed,

we can return it.

And Sally, the same goes

for you, all right?

Whoa.

Whoa. Look at all this stuff.

Where did all this come from?

Dickie!

Dickie, you're here.

What are you doing here?

I can't believe it.

- Hey.

- Merry Christmas.

Dickie, what

about your movie?

Well, sometimes in Hollywood

if you say no,

it only makes them

want you more.

So you're staying, Dickie?

If your Mom's okay with it,

I'd like room and board

for quite a while.

Oh.

Okay!

And so Dickie Roberts'

dreams did come true,

but in a way he never

could have imagined.

He created a sitcom

based on his exploits,

and, with Leif Garrett starring

as the Dickie character,

the show quickly climbed

into the top ten,

winning four Emmys.

Here's Dickie and his agent,

Sidney Wernick.

I may have to pee

every 45 minutes,

but at least I get to pee

in a gold toilet.

Dickie didn't forget

his friends,

and they enjoy a weekly spot

on the popular sitcom.

With Grace in charge

of set design,

Sam writing jokes,

and Sally becoming the youngest

choreographer in TV,

Dickie keeps the show

a real family affair.

Brick wall, waterfall,

Danny thinks

he's got it all, but he don't.

And we do.

So boom with that attitude.

A Reese's Pieces, 7 UP.

Mess with us, we mess you up.

And cut. So good.

They're driving me crazy.

As for George and Cyndi,

their ill-fated romance

didn't quite work out.

Would you make yourself useful

and get me a drink?

How about some champagne?

Whatever.

The bottle impact led

to a case of walking amnesia,

and George was last seen

hitchhiking into the desert

to find himself.

Cyndi, soon after,

begged Dickie for a job.

He gave her a guest part

on his show,

on the episode titled

"Cyndi Gets Poison Oak."

Its success led to a spin-off

for Cyndi called,

The B*tch Who Didn't Know

She Was a B*tch.

As for Dickie Roberts,

millions of Americans tuned in

to the sitcom's wedding show

which reflected Dickie's

real-life marriage

to the love of his life, Grace.

The old saying goes,

"There's no business

like show business,"

but as the incredible saga

of "Dickie Roberts,

Former Child Star," shows us,

the more apt saying is,

"There's no love

like real love."

This has been the story

of Dickie Roberts:

The E! True Hollywood Story.

Former child stars

are people, too

They're the same as you,

and you and you

So we ask

this simple question

How can it be

that you occasionally

Don't respect their dignity?

'Cause as they make their way

through life

Long after

the spotlight's faded

There are things

some of you do

That make them want

to be sedated

We loved being child stars

On your television

But please stop giving us crap

Or we'll have

a head-on collision

Thank you for letting me

in your living rooms

To entertain you before bed

But if one more person

calls me Marcia

I'll bust his f***ing head

She's very grateful,

just like she said

But please don't call her Marcia

Or she'll bust

your freaking head

Yeah, I'd rather be called

Marcia then Screech.

So I'm sitting alone

in Arby's

I get questions

that make me see red

Hey, Eddie?

Where's Herman Munster?

Well, pal, for ten years,

he's been dead

They ask, "Hey, Lucy,

where's J.R.?"

Come on, y'all, be realistic.

One more "Hey, Joanie,

where's Chachi,"

and I'll go ballistic.

Our costars

are not on our speed dial

So please don't ask

Or we'll take that phone

and shove it

Right up your dumb fat ass

No, we don't ride

in fancy limos

Private jets,

they're not for us

So you may see us driving Neons

Or riding the Greyhound bus

Yeah, we live

just like all of you

So don't call us losers

Or we'll punch you

with so many rights

You'll be begging for lefts

And beggars

can't be choosers

I was on Teen Beat

with Michael Jackson

Now he's bigger, I suppose

Yeah, yeah

Though he may be

a multi-zillionaire

At least I still have my nose

At least we're not crazy

We don't sleep with chimpanzees

We don't bleach our skin

Or dangle babies from balconies

We loved being child stars

on your television

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