Dinner for Schmucks Page #6

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I used to call her Pudding.

Look, why don't we just each

go home, we'll get some sleep,

and I'll see you tomorrow at the dinner.

OK.

I think I left my bus pass

at your apartment.

- I'll drive you home.

- OK.

I left my keys at your apartment, too.

That's OK. You know what?

I'll just sleep here. I have a cubicle.

- I can pull two chairs together.

- it's all right.

- Get in the car.

- I can fashion them into a bed.

They... Well, they son of

roll apart in the middle, so...

- Barry, Barry...

- ...you sag,

- You can stay with me.

- Don't worry about me.

- I insist.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- I won't cramp your style?

- it's already cramped.

- OK.

- What are you doing?

- You're gonna propose to her?

I have, a few times.

- Why do you keep carrying this around?

- In case she changes her mind.

- Please don't go through my pockets.

- OK.

Hey, Tim?

The first night alone is always the hardest

I can sleep in there

with you if you want.

No, thank you.

Hey, just don't think about

the fact that you can't sleep.

Because then you're sunk. Then you

just start thinking, "Whats going on?"

Your mind starts reeling.

"Where's Julie?

Oh, she's with Kieran.

Is he a better lover than I am?

Yes, he is." Don't think about that.

Get those thoughts out of your head.

- Why are you putting on aftershave?

- Force of habit.

When I was married, I used to

stay up late working on my mice,

and Martha hated

the smell of formaldehyde.

You can smell them both, Barry.

Two layers of bad smell,

That's exactly what Martha used to say.

Good night.

Tim?

- Tim?

- What, Barry?

I can't sleep.

I'm too excited about dinner.

- Oh, God!

- What are you gonna wear?

Should I rent a tux?

Or is that too formal?

Here's the thing:

It's always better to be overdressed

than underdressed, right?

Thanks, Tim! That's great!

Oh, he ate it! He's eating paper!

NO...

I'll be back in a few hours.

Don't play with the stove.

Don't do anything with electricity.

Do you understand?

Sometimes I think

you think I'm an idiot.

Just stay in the chair. Promise me.

I will. I will stay in the chair.

Why is this brunch so important?

Because the future

of my career depends on it.

It's a very important potential client.

- I can help.

- You want to help me?

- Stay in the chair.

- OK.

I'll pick you up for dinner. All right?

- You gonna stay in that chair?

Yes.

That's it.

Hello?

You got everything

you need for brunch?

OK, you got me working Saturday,

so I'm billing you overtime for this.

You're going to

Madison Restaurant, 10am.

Don't be late, They're Swiss.

And make sure Julie's there.

- They're dying to meet her.

- OK, Julie'Il be there.

Tim?

Tim!

Tim?

Tim? Tim! Tim!

Hi, Tim? We switched phones.

I need to talk to you.

Julie has to go to that brunch! OK.

Hi, Tim, me again. I just

realized you can't get my messages.

My password is P-A-S-S-W-O-R-D. OK.

Oh, God!

You can't get that message,

either! Why am I...'?!

- This way, sir.

- Thank you.

We feared that some

disaster had befallen you.

- I'm so sorry I'm late.

- And where is...?

Julie sends her regrets.

She dropped a box on her foot

- and broke a distal phalange.

- Please wish her a swift recovery.

I had hoped for another woman

to lend some poetry.

I understood from my husband

I would not have to suffer

another business conversation.

What was it Baudelaire said?

"Misunderstanding makes

the world go 'round."

I see we will

have poetry after all.

It is rare to find an American

businessman with a sense of culture.

Tim! It's me again! Barry!

Disregard all previous messages!

I figured it out!

Help is on the way! Bye!

Obviously, many of the

strategies are complex.

- I imagine you have several questions.

- I am a simple man, Mr. Conrad.

My father left me with very little,

except for all of his money.

The world is full of people

who want to separate me from it.

Why should I trust you

with $100 million?

A very fair question.

Now, you're obviously

very civilized people.

But, unfortunately, the world

of finance is a brutal place.

The good hunters win.

The bad hunters lose.

I am a very good hunter.

You are refreshingly honest,

Mr. Conrad.

I try to be. I hope we can

do business together.

A call for you, sir.

I'm so sorry.

Excuse me. Hello?

I got your back, Wm.

Can you hear me?

- Hello?

- Hello!

- Hello? Hello?

- Hello?

Hello. Hello.

Hello. My name is Tim's brother,

Barry, and this is Julie.

Tim, look. I brought Julie.

Hi, my love.

Oh, I have missed you so.

YOU...

You know... Your phalange.

You shouldn't be here.

Nonsense,

She is the picture of health.

Please. Sit. Sit, sit.

Thank you.

- Birgit Mueller.

- Such a pleasure.

- Martin Mueller, delighted.

- Such a pleasure.

And I am Barry. Delightful.

I am so pleased you could join us.

I always say you do not know a man

until you meet his partner in love.

I couldn't agree more. I would love

to go over some of these main points.

- Where are you from?!

- We are from Switzerland.

You know what?

We're gonna focus on business.

Switzerland! I love Switzerland.

It is one of my favorite countries.

I love your army knives

with the toothpicks,

And your cheese. Does the cheese

come out of the cow with the holes?

Our countries are not enemies.

They are friends.

- We are friends,

- You have been to Switzerland?

No, bull have a friend

who drives a Volvo.

And I speak a little of your language.

That's my brother. Always joking.

It's a jokey joke, ja?

You know, we should continue

this conversation back in my office.

But I have not received my salmon.

Or my green salad.

So...

...do you and Julie have

wedding bells in your future?

That's kind of a sore topic. He keeps

asking her, but she keeps saying no.

- Ask me again.

- No, it's not the right time.

If a woman asks you to propose,

it is the right time.

Really, I can't.

- Why not?

- Do it. Do it!

- I don't have a ring.

- Yeah, you do.

- No, I don't.

- Yeah, you do, it's in your pocket.

- Come on, You know you have it...

- Barry...

- Told ya.

- You are a hunter, Mr. Conrad.

There is nothing more

honorable than for a man

to join himself to his lady love.

Join yourself to her.

In the name of love.

Join yourself in the name of love.

You must kneel, Mr. Conrad.

She is a princess.

Thank you.

Something's happening!

- Julie,,,

- Call me Darla.

- Oh, I don't want to call you Darla.

- Julie's just a nickname.

- I want it to be real.

- Look into her eyes.

Look, look.

There is your home.

There is your future.

I love you, Tim.

Do it, do it, do it!

Do it!

- Julie.

- Darla.

Darla. Will you marry me?

Yes. Yes!

LOOK at that. We did it.

- Julie.

- I thought this was Julie.

- Nope. I'm Julie.

- They are both Julie.

Julie and Julie.

Susana thought you were

gonna lose your promotion

if I didn't show up today.

Look at you. You had

a replacement all lined up.

-Yeah.

- No, no, no.

- This is a huge misunderstanding.

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