Dirty 30 Page #5

- Kate, that is ridiculous.

- I know it is

'cause I hate cats.

Yeah.

And I'm not gonna compromise

this body with pregnancy.

- Okay, first of all,

can we stop saying the p word?

I'm pretty sure that

my mother-in-law's been slipping

prenatal vitamins

into my Pinot Grigio.

- That is scary.

- Mm-hmm.

I know.

But second of all,

you're just...

You're in a rut, Kate.

You have all of these

little routines

and these little schedules

and you just...

You never let loose.

Look at you.

You're dressed like

a substitute teacher

for your 30th birthday party.

- Okay, excuse me,

this is faux leather.

Pleather?

- And substitutes are fun!

- Okay.

- How dare you.

- But you need to let loose.

- Yeah.

- So tonight, let loose!

- Yeah, party time.

- Yeah.

- "Partee tyme."

- "Partee tyme."

- What is the deal

with these shirts?

I don't understand them at all.

- It... it's a Rufus thing.

- But it doesn't matter

because if anyone asks,

it's our inside joke.

- Perfect.

- I kind of love that.

- Yes, you do!

- Party time on three.

- One.

Both:
Two, three!

- This is so stupid.

All:
Party time!

- Yeah, whoo!

- Here's yours.

- Oh, it's my color.

- Yeah.

You thought you were gonna

look cute tonight.

No way.

- Nope.

That's what friends are for.

- Mm-hmm.

- It'll look great with leather.

- Watch it.

Rebecca!

You made it!

- Hi!

- Hi!

Oh.

Oh, okay.

Kate, you remember Rebecca

from Lincoln?

- Yeah, I think we had art

together for a few semesters.

How you doing?

- Good.

- Okay.

- Ooh, man.

Poor thing.

You know, her entire Instagram

feed is just covered in photos

of her five kids

in matching outfits.

You know, tonight might

actually be the first night

that she's been out of her house

since Lincoln.

- Well,

maybe she is super happy.

- Kate.

Her newborn wears headbands.

That woman is bored to death.

Oh, my god.

Tommy Hughes is here.

I am pretty sure

that I gave him an h.J.

On the opening night

of "pippin."

I should...

- god, you know, it always

shocked me how much ass

you theater kids got.

- Oh, yeah, I mean, second only

to youth church groups.

- Yeah, I'm gonna... I'll meet you

guys in there, okay?

Hi!

- Hi!

- Hey!

Yes.

- Yeah, friends hug.

- Yeah, let's do it.

I am surprised to see you.

- Was that a throw-away invite?

- No, I'm saying I'm surprised

in a good way.

- Cool.

- Yeah.

- Why don't you have a drink

in your hand?

- Guilty.

- Ooh, problem.

Well, I'm gonna go get myself

and you a drink.

Beer or wine?

- A white Russian?

- No way.

- They're delicious!

- That's my favorite drink.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Get out of here.

- Well, i... i should let you go

do your birthday host thing,

so I will make you a drink

and then come find you.

- That is a perfect plan.

- Okay.

- Welcome to my party.

- Thank you

for making me feel welcome.

- You're welcome

for feeling welcome.

- Thank you.

- This could go all night.

- Bye-bye.

- Listen.

- Yes.

- If we get separated tonight...

- Uh-huh.

- Can... can you just keep it

that way?

- Now, look, we can stay out

as late as you want, okay?

As long as you do me one favor.

Don't embarrass me.

Hi.

I'm raven.

- There's somebody

under there, dude.

- Don't mind me.

- Who did this to you?

- Are you the victim

of a snack avalanche?

- Uh, nope.

This is just my job tonight.

- Uh...

So your job is to be a plate?

- No.

I am a plate.

There was acid in that

baba ghanoush you just ate.

This is a hallucination.

Oooh.

- Oh, boy!

I hope your necks are made

of ice cream cones

because this next track is gonna

make your faces melt!

- I'm gonna have to see some ID,

young man.

- I... i... i...

Just screwing with you.

Can I have a sip?

What is that, Glenfiddich

or Glenmorangie 25?

Apple juice.

You trying to kill me?

- Excuse me.

- How old are you?

- Hi.

- Hey!

Thanks for inviting us.

- Us?

- Yo!

What's up, Timmy?

- Um, it's Oliver.

- Yeah, that's what I said.

Dude, you know where I can get

a drink around here

for me and my boys?

- Um, the bar, I guess.

- Cool.

Kins, some Tequila?

Eh?

- I'm good.

Just water.

- Lame.

Excuse me.

Coming through.

Beep, beep.

Watch your feet.

All:
7, 8, 9,

10, 11, 12, 13, 14!

- 14 seconds.

That's not bad.

It's not bad.

- Not bad?

Let's see what you got.

- Ex-squeeze me.

Oh, no, no, no.

I don't do yoga four days a week

to need a lift.

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

Chug! Chug!

Chug! Chug!

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

- You have a very lovely spread,

but do you have any Sauerkraut?

Pretzels?

Weiner schnitzel?

- Yeah, you might want

to nix the wiener talk

with my current state.

- Fine.

Taquitos it is.

- Who's Manning the booth?

- The boo...

Oh, Scheisse!

- It was nice catching up,

Rebecca!

Wow!

- Wow!

Didn't recognize me

in my weekend look, did you?

I just wanted to say hi.

I know that it's your birthday

and you probably don't want

your rad new boyfriend

hanging on you all night.

- Uh, Richard?

- Raven.

- Raven.

Raven.

Really try and drop it down.

It should be from your

diaphragm.

- Raven, you're not

my boyfriend.

We went on one date, and I

army crawled away from you.

- Yeah, yeah.

No, I know.

And it's... your upper body

strength is one of the things

I love most about you.

- Okay.

Okay, great.

- Anyway, boyfriend,

future boyfriend,

whatever you want to call it,

my dear.

Raven will be around.

Permission to touch

thy shoulders.

- Not permissed.

- Raven understands.

Raven apologizes.

I look to... oh.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Raven is sorry.

Raven is sorry about that

as well.

Okay.

That guy just spent 20 minutes

trying to sell me a VCR.

- Did you buy it?

- Well, I wasn't gonna,

but then he threw in

all ten season

of "friends," so...

Nice.

Thank you.

- Yeah.

Ooh.

Yeah, you...

- are you okay?

- Maybe take

these drinks outside?

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- War zone.

- I'll be out there in, like,

two... two minutes.

Hey, Evie?

This is gonna sound nuts,

but did you invite raven

to this party?

- Raven-symon?

Yeah, of course I did,

but she never tweeted back.

I'm sorry.

- It's okay.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Where did you get this?

- Mantle.

- This is a 1700s Norwegian ski

that a king

did something for.

You know what?

Let's just do this.

- I've never met anyone else

who will make a white Russian

at a party.

- Oh, see, what I do is

I rationalize all the vodka

I'm drinking because the milk

is good for my teeth.

- Ah.

- Yeah.

What's your excuse?

I went through

a "big lebowski" phase.

- Yikes.

- Yeah, there's way too many

photos of me wearing a robe

in public from that time,

but I can bowl a 230,

so there's that.

- I am impressed.

- I'm the one who's impressed.

I mean, don't take

this the wrong way...

- oh, that is such a good way

to start a sentence.

- I guess I just didn't...

I didn't think that somebody

who owns scrubs

with cartoon teeth

wearing cowboy hats on them

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