Dirty 30 Page #7

can you let her know that

Dan ran out to grab more milk?

I'll be back in, like,

ten minutes.

- Sure, man.

No problem.

- Was that a human

we were talking to?

- Girl, you look fine.

You haven't changed a bit

since high school.

- I'd rather die.

Are there any more jell-o sho...

Who put a banister here?

This should be an open-floor

concept, you Jack holes!

- You... you aren't thinking

of driving, are you?

- I live six blocks away.

- Okay, that's a relief.

- Of course I'm driving.

Stupid.

- Uh, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Is that a magic 8 ball keychain?

- Yes.

It tells me

when I should have sex.

Do you want to have sex?

- How about this:

I drive your car home for you

and then I just walk back here.

I've had one drink and there's

no way I can let you drive.

- Fine, but on one condition:

You got to take me

to the quick pick

and get me some nachos.

- I was going there anyway.

- Good.

I don't have any money.

I want 32 jalapenos.

I want an ounce of nacho cheese.

No more.

- You know what?

I will take that shot.

- Do you mind if we sped this up

a little bit?

I kind of want to get back

to the party.

- Well, now you've gone

and distracted me.

I added too many jalapenos.

Got to start over.

- Ladies!

Ladies and gentlemen!

Men and gentle ladies!

In our tie-breaking round,

we will test a match

of endurance.

Peter and I will be lifting

these empty kegs

above our heads

for as long as we can.

- Yeah!

- First person to break loses.

Peter!

Are you ready?

- You're going down.

- Three, two, one!

- Oh, it's super easy for me.

Oh, yes!

Eat it, mouse girl.

I am the greatest!

You guys, you guys.

You heard it here first, folks.

Peter won.

He's, like,

way stronger than me.

- What?

No!

- Yeah.

Who knew?

- I'm gonna head home.

Can you let Charlie know

that she should go ahead

and crash here tonight?

- No problem.

Can you scratch my right cheek?

- Okay.

- I need to talk to you.

- Holy sh*t.

- I met someone.

- That's amazing.

- Yeah, well, but you guys...

You actually have a history

with him.

Oh, god.

Okay, it all started because

raven was really upset

about your breakup, and...

- Raven and I didn't break...

- Yeah.

- Okay.

- And... but he's gonna be okay.

He just... he needs to lick

his wounds,

and I really need

to lick his face.

- Jules,

I'm happy for you.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Are you sure?

'Cause i...

- go forth and cage that bird.

- I mean, 'cause,

like, girl COD...

Like, I'm gonna cage it hard, so

I just want to make sure that,

like, it's cool.

Like, probably hard.

Not, like, prison hard,

but, like...

- I really don't need details

about it though.

- Okay.

- Please leave.

- Thank you.

Okay, thank you.

Oh my... oh, yes.

- Guess what this is.

- Stop it.

- Little Evie dogs, junior year,

singing an original love song

to yours truly.

You don't happen to have

a dusty compact disc player

around here, do you?

- In my car.

- Let's go.

- Okay.

- This is normal.

I would do this sober.

Not weird.

Just a grown woman

in a China cabinet

calling a dude.

Okay.

One more.

If he answers, cool.

If he doesn't, screw him.

- Hello?

- Hi!

Luke!

It is Kate.

- Kate, is everything okay?

It's, like, one in the morning.

- Oh, yeah.

I'm actually better than okay

because I just turned 30.

It's my 30th birthday.

Or it was till, like,

an hour ago.

- Hey, happy birthday.

Sorry, it's just...

It's late here.

- Oh, did I wake up...

Did I wake up the baby?

You have a baby!

Wow!

- I have a baby.

- That is a weird sentence

to say.

Is it, like, crawling yet

or teething?

They cry, like, so much, I hear.

- Hey, what's up?

Are you okay?

It's...

- oh, you know what?

I'm sorry, I just wanted...

I wanted to ask you

one question.

- Yeah, okay.

- Just, like,

one super-quick question.

Is that okay?

- Ah, okay.

Yeah, what's up?

- My question is...

Why wasn't it me?

- What?

- Like, all right,

we dated for four years,

and then we break up,

and it's, like, boom.

Now you're married with a kid,

and I'm just wondering,

you know,

why I wasn't that person.

- Uh, well,

if you remember, Kate,

you broke up with me.

- Yeah, no, I know.

I know.

I was just wondering...

- and I don't know

if things have changed

in the last couple years,

but when we were together,

you weren't exactly

into marriage so much.

That was...

- why do you say that?

- Okay, well,

the night at the restaurant

when I was gonna propose to you,

you ran out like crazy

when I was reaching

for my wallet.

- I know.

I thought... i thought you were

reaching for a ring.

- I know you did.

And that's why I didn't...

That's why I never asked you.

Well, that and because you broke

up with me, like, a week later.

- Yeah, I know.

I mean, I know that.

I just, uh...

I didn't know

that you knew that.

- But it's fine, right?

Everything worked out

like it was supposed to.

I know we haven't...

We haven't talked in a while.

You okay?

- Yeah, of course.

Of course.

And, um, hey,

I want you to know

that I'm really happy for you.

I just... i need you to know that.

I really,

really am happy for you.

- Thanks, Kate.

Stay out of trouble.

- Was that my voicemail?

- Oh, my god.

- I figured.

There's something

I got to tell you,

which is...

Oh, geez.

She's taking this really hard.

She must be craving the raven.

- Oh, my god.

Did I just say that my love

is deeper than the ocean...

- Smoother than lotion.

It's a beautiful line.

Evie, I can't tell you

how excited I was

when I saw that invitation

in my Inbox.

- Yeah, it's really nice

to see everyone.

- Sort of validated the whole

divorce, all the drama.

- Excuse me?

What?

- Oh, Evie,

I've always known that we're

supposed to be together.

Even when I was married.

We're soul mates.

You're the Sandy to my Danny.

- That was a high school play.

- I just can't believe

it's happening now, you know?

Ah, she was so pissed

when I got the tattoo.

- Tattoo?

- Oh.

- Oh!

Wow!

That's me!

- Yeah.

That's your first headshot.

- That's my first headshot.

- First headshot, yeah.

- Yeah, it is.

- It's like you're resting

your head on my chest.

- Okay.

It's there.

You know what?

Um, Ben, I'm actually gonna

go check on the party,

which is just about over,

so you should probably go.

- Evie, we're meant to be.

Or...

Not to be.

- Uh-oh.

- That is the question.

- Oh, no.

- "Whether 'tis nobler

in the mind to suffer the slings

"and arrows

of outrageous fortune

"or to take arms against a sea

of troubles,

and by opposing end them."

- Okay, I'm gonna go, Ben.

Drive safe.

- "To sleep.

To"...

"to sleep.

"Ay, there's the rub!

For in that sleep of death,

what dream"...

- wow.

So, hey, how you holding up?

- "Partee tyme."

- Thanks for doing this, dude.

I mean, like,

this is really awesome.

- Yeah.

Not always a total screw-up.

- Wow, you, like, really sucked

down there, didn't you?

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