Dirty Tricks Page #8

You're gonna need

a nice long Jacuzzi after this.

Do you have a Jacuzzi, Clive?

I bet you do.

I bet you're just the sort

of person to have a Jacuzzi.

You're not gonna

get away with this.

Actually, I rather think I am.

Karen and I --

I wouldn't think about Karen

if I were you, Clive.

I really would try

not to think about her at all.

So we don't use my gear.

Shame, huh'?

-lndeed.

Feel free to count it.

We bring him to Wales

and leave him by the reservoir.

What is the big deal?

There's, um, a scheme in England

called the

Duke of Edinburgh Award.

It's supposed to build up

moral fiber.

The body...

It is your wife, yes'?

What body'?

The body you take from your car

and put in Mr. Phillips' car.

It is your wife, yes'?

Well, my friend,

I'm going to have to ask you

to keep very quiet about this.

You see, her body's

now in that reservoir.

I keep quiet.

For money.

Oh, I wouldn't mention this

to anyone if I were you.

I mean,

what with your past and all.

They might construe

your activities today

as being an accessory to murder.

Capiche'?

And it's my word against yours,

isn't it'?

Whether you like it or not,

We're in this together.

If I were you, I'd take

the first plane back home.

Climate's lovely at this

time of year, as I recall.

You ever come to my country,

my friend, and I find you,

I kill you.

Okay.

Next, we headed back to Oxford,

where I dropped Senor Garcia

at his grubby bed-sit.

Then on to Clive Phillips'

bachelor pad

to retrieve the crucial tape

on which Karen had left

her incriminating

answerphone message.

It went without a hitch.

I was halfway through removing

all traces of possible evidence

when I suddenly remembered --

Yesterday, when I was dumping

Karen's body in the reservoir,

I was supposed to be at lunch

with Alison Kraemer.

My whereabouts

were a critical issue.

REBECCA:
Kraemer residence.

Who's speaking please?

[American accent]

Oh, hi, Rebecca.

It's Thomas Carter here.

Um, I'm calling

about the madrigal group.

You sound funny, Tom.

Uh, yeah, I have a cold.

ls your mom there'?

She went to Dorset yesterday.

Grandfather was taken poorly.

Oh, it's not urgent.

Don't even mention I called.

Got to go.

Please, God,

let this be Alison Kraemer

telling me she couldn't make it

for lunch yesterday.

[ Beeps ]

Hi, it's me -- Alison.

I'm afraid I can't have lunch

with you today,

so I hope you get this message.

[ Laughs ]

F Da-da bum-bum F

Boo-doo-doo boo-boo

F Ba-da bum ba-da ba-da F

Bum bum F

[Clears throat]

WOMAN:
Hello?

Oh, hello, Mrs. Argyle.

It's me.

Is Karen there'?

- No, she's not here.

- Oh.

Well, I don't understand.

She told me she was coming

up to Liverpool to see you.

- She isn't, no.

- How odd.

How's the hip'?

Bugger off,

you two-faced little sh*t!

-[ Click]

- B*tch.

Now, have I forgotten anything?

Oh.

Dennis's wine magazines that

Karen had presumably slipped on

were still where they lay.

Also I noticed some unfortunate

traces of blood remaining

where her head had hit

the hideous sofa.

Oh!

Dirty girl.

[ Inhales sharply]

MAN:

College Road police station.

Oh, good morning, officer.

I'm sorry to bother you,

and I'm sure

there's a perfectly obvious

and innocent explanation

for all this,

but I was just starting

to get worried because, well,

the fact of the matter is,

[Voice breaking] my wife

seems to have disappeared.

I was telling you

about Clive Phillips.

My plan for revenging myself

on him

was classical in its simplicity.

[Doorbell rings]

Can I help you?

Chief Inspector Moss

from Oxford police station, sir.

Could we talk inside'?

Is it about my wife?

I'm afraid it is, sir.

What's happened'?

ls she all right'?

Perhaps we should go inside.

Where is she'?

She didn't come home last night.

Powys police have recovered

a body

which they believe to be

that of your wife, sir.

We would like you

to accompany us to Wales

with a view

to identifying the body.

Dead?

How'?

The body was recovered from

a reservoir, we understand, sir.

But that's ridiculous.

Karen's an excellent swimmer.

She teaches it, for God's sake.

She's got certificates, cups.

Plod number one

looked suitably embarrassed.

Plod number two was clearly

longing to make some crack

about it being hard to swim

with a concrete post

tied to your back.

I gave them a lot more shock,

disbelief, and horror.

I'll get some things together.

I just don't believe

what you're telling me.

It's funny, really.

I don't feel anything.

Just sort of numb.

That's actually

quite common, sir.

I'm sorry, sir, but we have to

go through these formalities.

Poor Karen.

For the past two clays,

she'd been out of one

plastic bag and into another

like a bit of leftover food

at the bottom of the fridge.

That's her.

That's my wife.

I'm afraid we need you to talk

to the local police, sir.

-It's their case, really.

- I see.

But we'll sit in

if that's okay with you, sir.

I just want to find out

how this happened.

Now, we need your side of

the story, just for the record.

Um, Karen had told me

she was going to see

her mother in Liverpool.

I stayed at home.

Her mother and I

don't get on too Well.

Join the club, sir.

It all seems so petty now.

L, uh, drove her to the station.

Put her on the train'?

No, I didn't actually.

I offered to,

but she wouldn't let me.

- Why do you ask'?

- No reason, really.

Just to show

he's not asleep, sir.

Like us rural Welsh coppers

don't know our ass

from a hole in the ground.

I telephoned her mother

the next day,

and she told me that Karen

hadn't even intended

going up there.

That was when

I started to get Worried,

and I called the Oxford police.

- Why did you ring her'?

-[ Laughs ]

Listen to him, sir.

Trying to catch you out.

I'd noticed an announcement

in the local newspaper

about a concert

that I wanted to go to.

I didn't want her to get back

before I got home.

She was always forgetting

her keys.

Right.

Right, you took her to the

station Saturday morning, 9:15,

then you rang her mother

later the next day.

And in between, sir'?

How do you mean'?

See anybody'?

Do anything'?

No.

Um, I was at home.

I went for a Walk

late in the afternoon.

- No one came to the house?

- No.

And you didn't speak to anyone

on the phone?

No. I'm sorry -- What does all

this have to do with my wife?

We have to ask, sir.

Because of

the alleged kidnapping.

You think Karen was kidnapped?

No.

No, not exactly, sir, no.

We have a gentleman here

I think you might know.

I think we better show him

the tape.

Are you sure about that?

Under the circumstances,

absolutely positive.

You bastard!

You bastard!

You killed her, didn't you?!

You bastard!

- Calm down!

-Get him down!

You murdered her in cold blood,

you bastard!

I'm coming for you!

I mean it!

I'm gonna kill you, you bastard!

Terribly sorry about that, sir.

You know that man'?

Oh, I know him, all right.

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