Dirty Weekend Page #3

All's well that ends well.

Guess who said that.

Shakespeare.

I, uh... I need pills.

I'll be right here.

If you're coming, come.

Hi, there. Hello.

Uh, you carry pills? Ibuprofen?

Mm-hmm. The rear.

Excuse me?

In the rear.

I'm sorry, I have no idea

what you just said right now.

Yeah. All right, I know

where the rear would be,

but are we on

the same page here?

You have medicine?

Of course.

Back there.

Medicine, aisle two!

Uh...

I'm just pulling your leg. We love

to say that in this business...

"cleanup on aisle two"

and that sh*t.

Ah, I'll bet you do.

Of course, it always helps

to have an aisle two,

but I guess that's

beside the point.

I need advil. Do you have any?

Back in the rear.

Right, the rear. Okay.

Excuse me.

Uh, uh, can I have

the, uh, ibuprofen, please?

Yep.

Thank you.

Keep it. Excuse me?

Uh, it's a tip.

Don't worry about it.

Sorry, but it's not enough.

Oh. Oh, sorry.

Whoops.

Now keep it.

Cool. Thanks.

Keep in touch.

Thanks, buddy.

Thank you.

Okay.

I will do. Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Nothing yet.

Dallas is still

under the weather.

Perfect.

Don't take too many of those.

Okay.

I suppose d*ldos

could be considered trinkets.

Is that the idea?

Yeah, funny.

Ha, ha, ha.

You seem

pretty interested there.

No, no, I'm just...

just taking a rest. That's all.

Right. I am.

Hard to believe

they can put stuff like this

out here where anybody

could just...

you know, children and all that.

Of course.

It's embarrassing, if you

want to know the truth.

I'm embarrassed for the people

who run this place.

Why are you embarrassed?

Well, it's what they

got to do to make a living...

sell sh*t like this, sick sh*t.

I mean, it's just plastic and

metal... that's all... rubber.

It's only sick if you let it be.

Oh, you have the

marquis de sade scholarship

back there at Cambridge?

Very good, les.

Anyway, I-I wasn't looking.

I'm just... you know,

I'm taking a pause.

That's all.

I won't tell any of your little

friends back at the office

if that's what you're

worrying about.

I'm not worried about it

because I didn't do anything.

Whatever you say.

That's right. So?

So, you can go inside

if you want to.

I don't want to.

How could you even think that?

I'm...

I'm stretching, all right?

I'm... I'm just taking a little

moment here at this sex shop.

That's all.

Okay. I'm sorry I misread you.

All right.

Well, do you want to get

a coffee or something?

Yes, I do. Yeah.

Thank you. Yep.

Hello.

Morning. Good morning.

Just what part of the morning

looks good to you, huh?

It's a

professional courtesy, is all.

Got it.

Coffee?

Or something a bit warmer?

Oh, just the coffee for me.

Thanks much. Very good.

How about you, sir?

Mm, coffee's fine,

maybe with just

a hint of warmth.

Very good. And, uh,

make it the nice stuff.

I'm paying with yankee dollars.

Very good, sir. Very good?

Hey, say... say, your son doesn't happen

to work as a flight attendant, does he?

No, sir, afraid not.

He's gay.

Oh. Well, very good.

That's, uh...

that's a full-time job,

although I don't know what it has

to do with anything, you know?

You got me.

Here?

Maybe he's just coming to terms

with it, you know?

Maybe he says it to everyone

who comes in here,

his way of trying

to cope with it.

Cope with what?

I mean, his kid's gay. So what?

Other than the fact that he can't

work for the airlines, apparently,

I don't see what the problem is.

That's very progressive-sounding

coming out of your mouth.

I'm progressive.

Live and let live,

whatever else you want

to say about it.

Here you go.

And that's got the heat.

Very good. Very good, indeed.

Ohh! Ohh!

Wow.

Holy sh*t.

Is that coffee or firewater?

Seriously.

You're a brave soul.

Me? You must be kidding.

No, you are,

letting some stranger

top off your drink

with anything he sees fit.

Nah, it's...

you have a touch of the

daredevil in you. Hardly.

This is about as crazy

as I get... Almost.

Ooh, cryptic.

Yes. Yes, it is.

I mean, I can't talk.

I'm the same way, so...

Yeah? Mm.

Well, yeah, I guess so.

I've worked with you

for, what, two years?

I don't really know

anything about you.

Well, you know

I'm a good coworker.

I'm a valuable member

of the sales team.

What else is there to know?

Well, nothing, I suppose,

except most people want to.

They like to know

who they spend time with...

a little something, anyway.

I'll tell you what...

if you tell me

about this little errand,

I'll give you an earful.

How's that?

And start with that little thing that

you keep pulling out of your wallet...

very mysterious.

What? Go on.

It's pretty obvious, though, the

way you keep going back to it.

So?

No. No, no way.

Go on.

No, I'm not playing

that game with you.

Oh, come on. No.

No. Unh-unh.

This... this is silly.

You have a secret.

Let's just drop it.

Okay, fine, but you're the one who

wanted to get to know one another.

No, no, I meant... this is...

I meant like zodiac signs,

sh*t like that.

Well, just tell me something

about yourself.

What'll it hurt?

It's nothing. I promise.

What is? The thing.

Th-the piece of paper,

it's... what thing?

I-I made a shopping list.

That's all.

When? What?

Oh, just... just before

we took off,

when we were waiting on the...

on the tarmac.

That's not true.

What isn't? Well, if you

don't want to tell me, fine,

but don't lie to me.

Who's lying? You are.

No. You are.

Yes, you are because you

couldn't have written...

we weren't supposed to be

in Albuquerque today,

so, you know,

how could you have written

a list of things

that you wanted to buy, um,

before we even got here?

You know, don't...

that's a fib. I'm sorry.

Well, I... when I wrote...

all right. Okay. You...

you got me. That's fine.

Here. Here, look,

it's... it's nothing.

I'll show it to you. Here.

There.

You satisfied?

I-it's just a... it's just

a scrap of paper, that's all.

All right, hand it over if

it's just a scrap.

No, let's just

finish our drinks and...

and get back out there.

I told that guy

we'd be done in an hour.

Fine.

I'm ready, and I'm a Virgo,

by the way.

Oh, good.

Thanks for the information.

Nat, don't.

Don't. No. Give... give it... come on, les.

Let me just look at it.

Give it back. God damn it!

All right! Okay! Okay!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

So, is this gonna be

a big freeze-out now or what?

Pretty much, yeah.

Aw, don't be that way.

It's fine. Don't worry

about it. Let's just go.

It's no big thing. I promise.

Yeah, exactly, it's your

"no big thing,"

so I have no business

getting involved.

We're colleagues, that's all, coworkers.

Why should you tell me anything?

I don't tell you anything, so why

should you tell me anything?

So, it's fine.

Let's just leave it.

Nat, I'm not trying to be all...

and you say I'm secretive.

Christ. Look, it's just...

This is...

I just want to know

who Zorro is.

What?

You read it?

Yes.

Oh, sh*t, that was...

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