Dude Bro Party Massacre III Page #3

and turn them back

into their actual forms,

which as I said earlier,

are bags of oranges.

Save our city, Sminkle.

Officer Buttiker

will accompany you

to bop the Dude Bros on the nose

and turn them back into

bags of f***ing oranges.

Got it! You won't regret this,

Chief-a-rooney!

See? Now Officer Sminkle's

Spazwagon

is all gassed up.

The Dude Bros are at the old

sorority house by the lake.

And get there

before the harvest moon.

The town is depending on you.

Come on, guys!

Let's get some tunes in here!

What the sh*t is this?!

Yeah, Todd.

What is all this about?

Flowers, the music, champagne,

that banner I refuse to read...

Guys, Samantha loves you,

and she wants us to have

a good time by the lake.

Aah!

Hey, Todd, Samantha

take your virginity yet?

Not yet.

She's been really pushing me,

though.

And I'm not ready to be a dad.

Guys, there's baby stuff

in here! Gah!

Hey! No! No baby stuff!

- Baby hats...

- Put that stuff back!

- No babies!

- No, Todd, we're Americans!

We can do whatever we want

with no consequences!

No consequences in America!

A toast to Brent.

Boo!

Hey, now, pour that pledge

a pint of Prosecco, partner.

Chirino perfectly pulled off

our senior prank.

We wanted the whole world

to know that Dean Pepperstone

- eats farts.

- Thank you.

And I think

they got the message.

Speech! Speech! Right now!

Um...

I guess I just want to say, uh,

I can see why my brother

was so stoked on you guys.

Um...

and, uh...

Titties.

Yeah!

- Yeah!

- All right.

- Yeah!

- Whoo!

Yeah!

Yes! Oh, my favorite!

- Yeah!

- Forever's gonna start tonight!

- Delta Bi! Do or die!

- It speaks!

Delta Bi! Do or die!

Delta Bi! Do or die!

Delta Bi! Do or die!

Delta Bi! Do or die!

Delta Bi! Do or die!

Delta Bi! Do or die!

How are we gonna get

across this lake?

Well, that's enough footage

of that.

Someone want to get

his attention?

Come on, pledge.

I'm over this tear sh*t.

Go get us some paddy boats.

Come on!

Uh... Uh, hello?

Go away!

Can't you see

I'm mourning the dea...

Oh.

Hey! The Delta Bis!

I was just celebrating

the anniversary

of my business

finally taking off, huh?

I have you boys

to thank for that.

Stand over there,

next to my dead family!

Come on. Yep.

Nobody wanted to rent

a paddy boat in Ol' Parchtown.

I was swimming in debt.

Until you boys flooded the town

and drowned my whole family,

that is.

Now business is booming!

Go ahead... put your arm

around my wife.

My beautiful wife!

She died doing what she loved.

- Drowning?

- Yeah.

Not much reason

for swimming lessons

if you lived in Ol' Parchtown,

which is what made it such

a particularly funny prank.

Now let's do a goofy one!

I said make it goofy!

That's a great picture.

Oh, man,

that's my baby boy, too.

16 months old when the water

took him away.

You guys still got it!

Pranksters till the end!

The bitter... end.

You boys want to rent

a paddy boat?

What paddy boat

are you gonna choose, Brock?

- I'm Brent.

- Okay. All right.

I trust that you have a paddy

boat that will accommodate

- my lifestyle.

- No.

Oh.

If I remember correctly,

and I do,

there's a handicap paddle boat

about 20 miles that way.

Yeah! F*** off, Nerdry!

Don't tell me to F off!

I'll F you

if you don't come back for me!

Whoa, whoa! Nerdry, come on.

You're in college now.

You can say "f***."

Give it a try.

F-f-f-f-f-f...

F-f-f-f-f-f-fu...

You won't leave me here,

will you?

I got to go with them.

You understand.

Here.

In case your wheelchair

breaks down.

Uh, thanks.

Radical deck.

Well, see you there, Brent.

Don't forget to avenge

your murdered brother!

Okay! One more picture!

And surprise me!

Like when you blew up the dam

and took everyone

I knew and loved!

Well, they don't call me

Ol' Iron Arms Headcheese

for nothing.

Just 20 more miles,

and I'll have an ice-cold brew

waiting for me.

Ha!

Oh, monkey butts.

Is it so pooping hard

to load a legacy

into a... a whore paddle boat?!

That's it.

I'm gonna say it.

F-f-f-f*** this creek!

Those dick farts

never gave two shitting b*tches

about Ol' Iron Arms.

They'll see.

I'll show those vagina

faces what's what.

Those Delta Bi titty jizzers

will regret the day they were...

Guys?

Help.

My psychic told me

my son's head would cave in

from a car accident,

and hello, prom night.

And the number-one reason

men and women

just can't get along...

The remote control!

What do you think, Candace?

Think Letterman will go

for these lists?

I'm not here to humor you,

Sminkle.

Top 10 reasons Letterman

will go for these Top 10 lists.

Number 10,

my boundless enthusiasm.

32 more hours, Candace.

Number 9, that man

is slapping a little boy.

- What?

- That man is

- slapping a little boy!

- Oh, my God!

You think you're cooler than me

just 'cause you got

a fancy tie and a job?!

Yaaah!

Here's $100 and

"The Grapes of Wrath," kid!

Get out of town!

Change your name!

Start a new life for yourself!

Keep going! Keep going!

You can do it!

And once you get into the trees

for the night,

I want you to read

that f***ing book!

That was, uh, pretty impressive

how you handled that.

Yeah, well,

every child deserves a chance.

Aaaaaaah!

I love children.

They're the future that we

screwed up for ourselves,

you know? So innocent.

I guess you probably don't care

about this crazy dream

that I have, but, uh...

I want to open up

a mobile library for children.

- Really?

- You see, the first time

I read a book,

my mind went bang!

Like, anything

in the universe was possible,

and I could find

it all in the pages of a book.

And, well,

that's what I want to do

for all the children of Chico.

I just want to bang them all.

- Um...

- I'm gonna call it.

Sminkle's Bang Bus, Candace.

No more waiting in the public

library to bang every kid I see.

No, sir, I'm going to travel

from block to block,

screaming out my window for kids

to climb aboard my bus

and get banged silly.

I mean,

your heart's in the right place,

but, um, how about "bookmobile"?

- Yeah?

- Not gonna lie, Candace...

that sounds real boring.

I would not want to get banged

in a bookmobile.

- My bang bus.

- Oh, no!

- Oh, no, no, no!

- My bang bus!

My dream!

Sminkle!

Aw, man!

Why does it have

to not be a person anymore?

Ugh.

There it is.

The old sorority house

by the lake.

Damn it! This place

is a f***ing sh*t-hole!

Who did this?!

Aah!

Someone... someone

else somewhere is in here.

- Relax, bros! It's me!

- Rip Stick!

Thought you'd rock out

on the lake without me, yeah?

We thought you died

in the embassy.

Part of me did die that day.

But now I'm back!

Rippin' and stickin'!

And I see I'm not the only one

back from the dead, Brock.

Brock did die.

That's his twin brother, Brent.

Weird.

Well, let's clean

this stupid sh*t-hole

up so we can party, eh?!

Yeah!

All right!

Hey!

This is more like it, huh, guys?

Okay. Now start partying.

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