Duets Page #3

but not until that sweet child manages

to turn her life back around.

She's a special girl.

You may not be much,

but you and I are all she has,

and what she needs now is a father.

- Don't be ridiculous.

- [Sliding Door Opens]

- [Clears Throat]

- Good evening, sir.

- Good evening. I would

like a room. Thank you.

- Of course.

Could you fll this out,

and may I have a credit card?

Ahh. Got something better

than a credit card.

I have got over 800,000

frequent flier miles.

I've been wanting to take advantage

of your room credit offer for years.

I'm sorry, sir, but we don't have

any mileage credit rooms

available this evening.

Oh, you don't have

any vacancies?

Yes, we do, but not for

the mileage credit program.

Uh, if you'd like to reserve

a room now for credit,

the earliest

I have available is in...

six weeks.

I would like a room

tonight.

We take MasterCard,

Visa or AMEX.

[Rock]

[Woman] You're a real tough cookie

with a long history

Of breaking little hearts

like the one in me

Before I put another notch

in my lipstick case

You better make sure

you put me in my place

Hit me with your best shot

Come on

Hit me with your best shot

Hit me with your best shot

Fire away

Hit me with your best shot

Why don't you hit me

with your best shot

Hit me with your best shot

Fire away

Fire away

- Ba ba ba baow

- [Cheering, Whistling]

Hey, excuse me.

You are a great singer.

Aw! Karaoke's my life.

Oh.

What is karaoke?

What?

Where you been, mister?

Uh, airport hotel rooms.

- Oh.

- Suburbia.

- Mental jail.

- Ah! Well, they don't

got it in jail yet,

but they got it in every bar

I ever been in.

And it's what,

exactly?

Oh, it's a rush

like you wouldn't believe.

It's like you get to be a star

for three minutes!

Ow! [Laughs]

Can you sing?

I mean, up there in front of people?

Oh, well, I used to, actually.

A little bit.

- Yeah? Well, what happened?

- A long time ago.

I don't know.

I guess I went into sales.

Oh. Well, are you in sales

at the moment?

[Laughs]

Oh, no.

Actually, I'm out getting

a pack of cigarettes.

Yeah. I don't know

where I am, actually.

- Uh, I'm somewhere

in Arizona or something.

- Arizona?

- [Laughing]

- Right?

- Are you crazy?

You're in New Mexico.

- Oh.

Close enough.

They're right next to each other.

[Both Laughing]

Well, why don't you

go ahead and go sing?

- No. No!

- Yeah.

- Oh, come on! It won't kill you!

- No way. No.

- I'd be way too nervous.

- Ah! Okay.

Here. Take one of these.

Just one. Go ahead.

Go on. Beta blockers.

They chase all your fears away.

Come on.

Drink up. Taffy!

- Good boy.

- Sheila!

- What can I do for you?

- Can you do me a little favor?

- My friend here is desperate to sing.

- Oh, no.

- Are you sure?

- No, no, thank you. No, I couldn't.

- Oh, come on!

- I couldn't. No.

They're not workin' yet.

- Uhhh!

- Mm-hmm.

- Go! You can do it!

- Okay! What the hell!

[Laughs]

All right! What's your name?

- Todd. Yeah.

- Don't be afraid. Come on up.

Whoa, whoa.

What am I supposed to sing?

I'm gonna put a song on.

Watch the monitor and sing.

Everyone, a warm welcome

for Todd.

He's a little nervous.

[Applause]

[Man]

Come on, brother! Sing your song!

- Hello, it's me

- [Groaning, Laughing]

- Hello, it's me

- [Music Stops]

I'm sorry, honey.

You started a little too soon.

- You wait till the colors change.

We'll try it again.

- Okay.

Hello, it's me

I've thought about us

for a long, long time

Maybe I think too much

but something's wrong

- There's something here

that doesn't last too long

- [Girls Giggling]

Maybe I shouldn't think

of you as mine

- [Woman] Yeah!

- [Man Hoots]

[Cheering]

Seein' you

Or seeing anything

as much as I do you

I take for granted

that you're always there

I take for granted

that you just don't care

- Sometimes I can't help

seein' all the way through

- [Cheering]

- Yeah!

- [Cheering Continues]

Whoo! Yeah!

It's important to me

That you know

you are free

- 'Cause I never wanna

- Hey, Taffy.

- Make you change for me

- He's so cute, isn't he?

Yeah, he is.

Think of me

You

You know that I'd

be with you if I could

I'll come around to see you

once in a while

Or if I ever need

a reason to smile

And spend the night

if you think I should

- Hey, lady, can you help me out?

- Hey. Oh, no.

I spent my last money

on that bus.

Maybe you can help me out.

They got a karaoke bar around here?

Oh, I wouldn't know.

I guess you wouldn't,

would you?

Anyway...

- Hey!

- God bless you, sir. Have a nice day.

Hey, lady,

come back!

- [Rock]

- Hey, hey, ah

What I like about you

What... What I like

about you

That's what I like

That's what I like

- [Coughing]

- [Continues]

Here you go.

Billy!

Been to every bar in town.

Me too.

I'm really sorry.

I didn't mean to hurt you.

So what do you want

from me?

Look, you're the greatest guy

I have ever met.

You're the frst man

that I had sex with.

You know, after ten years

of being with women.

And the sex was great.

You were so tender,

and you were so sweet.

It was almost like...

being with a girl.

Seriously.

Hey, what's the purse

in this shithole?

- Where's the K.J.?

- The K.J.?

- We're talking here.

- Whatever.

Hey. You got money up on the karaoke,

or is this some kind of shadow hang?

Not today.

Strictly barbers and phantoms.

- Aw, sh*t!

- No! You just don't have

enough faith in yourself.

Don't start the cheerleader act,

okay? I'm sick of it!

You're like some totally pure,

totally innocent person.

Most of us

can't be like you.

Or I know I can't.

[Man Singing,

Indistinct]

To you and Ralph.

You're not even

listening to me.

I told you!

- He's repulsive.

- Then why?

I don't know.

I guess he...

[Sighs]

I guess 'cause

he treats me like sh*t.

- Ha!

- That's what I like about you

Sorry.

Hey

Listen, there's one other thing

I gotta...

Ralph's worried

about the vehicle.

His half-a-vehicle. Ralph is worried

about his half-a-vehicle.

Said he'll call the cops if you don't

bring that cab in. He means it too.

He said it like 40 times.

At least.

Well, he's gonna have to do

what he's gonna have to do.

Okay, Billy.

You do what you gotta do,

you know?

- I-I'm really sorry about...

everything, really.

- Hey, hey, hey

[Applause, Whistling]

I hope you fnd that angel

you're looking for someday.

[Clears Throat]

So, you own a cab?

- I own half a cab.

- How does someone own half a cab?

Well, that's about as far as

your basic underachiever gets in life.

- Didn't you know that?

- No. I'm an achiever, myself.

Good for you.

So, are you free?

- Free for what?

- I need a ride.

- Where you goin'?

- California.

- [Laughs]

- I don't have any money,

but I'd be willing

to be nice to you.

Real nice. All the way

to the Sunshine State.

- Florida is the Sunshine State.

- Whatever.

I need to get to California,

and I'm willing to be nice.

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