Duets Page #6

his manager?

Number fve.

Crank it up.

[Background Singers On Tape]

Shooby-doo bop, bop, pow, ah

My heart is cryin', cryin'

Lonely teardrops

My pillow's never dry of

- Lonely teardrops

- [Patrons Cheering]

Come home

Come home

Watch my back.

Just say you will

Say you will

- Say ...

- You're some kind of goddamn

hustler, ain't you, boy?

- You know what we do

to hustlers around here?

- Yeah. You lose.

[Screaming]

- [Groaning]

- [Screaming Continues]

[Tires Screeching]

- [Man] Can I help you?

- Yeah, we'd like a couple rooms.

Okay,

they're $79 apiece.

No problem.

I've got this.

- This would be what?

- This would be

800,000 frequent flier miles.

And so?

So you've got

a room credit offer.

Um, no, we don't.

Oh, yes, you do, because I've read about

it in a thousand in-flight magazines.

Did you read

about it yesterday?

No, I didn't fly yesterday.

I drove with my friend here.

Well, that's too bad. You might have

read that yesterday the offer ended.

[Sighs]

This offer never really

existed anywhere, right?

- Listen, if you have cash...

- Oh, yes, I've got cash.

- I have got more credit cards...

- Hey...

than a New York

debutante.

I've got stocks, bonds,

and a dozen lines of credit.

But I have been buying

this mileage dream...

with my poor addled brain

for years now,

and it turns out to be

totally meaningless, doesn't it?

Gimme that, man!

Gimme that...

This whole offer is just like every

other pipe dream in the U.S.A., right?

- [Reggie]

Come on, man. Put down the gun!

- Just another cynical...

stock-job sucker punch on us poor,

dumb commercial believers.

It's a '90s version

of religious persecution, you know?

You people, you are terrifying!

Okay, okay.

I can give you two rooms.

I'll even throw in an upgrade.

Really. You hear that?

- Give it.

- No, just a second.

- [Laughing]

- Be cool, man.

Absolutely. Sure.

Whatever you say.

Bye now. Bye.

Really?

Thank you.

Okay, we're in

the executive suite.

Let me guess.

You wanna sleep in a bed

tonight or not?

- What?

- I don't understand you.

[Snickers]

You don't have to understand me.

What I do is just a hustle.

No, it's not about

a damn hustle.

It's about

humiliating yourself.

It's about denigrating

yourself because you can't deal

with the possibility of failure.

You're the loser here.

You're the underachiever.

What's it like going around

being everybody's conscience?

- Doesn't it get lonely?

- Don't you, trying to be

everybody's wet dream?

Listen, you loser. You got nowhere

to go and nothing to go back to.

You're just another poor lost soul

leading a life of quiet desperation.

I'm gonna be the only major thing that

has ever happened to you in your life,

and you're gonna be jerkin' off

to my memory on your deathbed.

- If I was you, I'd just sit back

and enjoy the ride.

- How'd you get like this?

Hmm.

- Ah...

- Hey, this ain't Kmart, pal.

Find what you need

and get out.

- Did you hear me?

- Uh-huh.

I've lived my life in sales.

Being hostile to a consumer

is very counterproductive.

That's it.

Get the f*** out.

[Gunshot]

Jesus Christ.

[Liquid Pouring On Floor]

Gimme the gun.

- Come on, man.

- Why?

- Gimme the gun.

- No.

- F***er.

Shut up!

[Chuckling]

- Oh! Gimme that!

- Huh?

[Todd]

Oh! [Giggling]

- [Reggie] Come on! Go!

- [Todd Laughing]

[Reggie]

Get down!

[Gunshots]

Reginald,

are you angry with me?

You're strung out, man.

You need some sleep.

No, no, no.

You are so wrong, my brother.

I have never been more awake

in my entire life.

You're just mad because

I'm on to your little secret.

- And that would be what?

- Oh, the power of life and death.

Bam, bam, bam!

John Wayne I am!

[Chuckling]

It's a viable alternative

to a life in sales.

[Scoffs]

Hmm.

What?

Tsk.

I know that look.

That is the Candy Woods

look of disdain, isn't it?

I wouldn't know.

Never met her.

Hey...

Uh... Here.

Candy Woods.

She specializes

in plastic runners.

- [Laughing]

- These your kids?

Mm-hmm.

Julie and Carson.

Kind of pretty.

You think so?

- I gotta use the bathroom.

- Fine.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Stay in the car.

Fine.

You know what the hangover

is for killing?

[Sighs]

No. I give up.

Doom.

[Phone Ringing]

- Hello?

- [Reggie] Mrs. Todd Woods?

- Yes.

- How soon can you get to

Omaha, Nebraska, Mrs. Woods?

I'll close my eyes

Then I won't see

The love you don't feel

When you're holding me

Morning will come

And I'll do what's right

Just give me till then

To give up

this fight

And I will

give up this fight

'Cause I can't

make you love me

If you don't

You can't make

your heart feel

Somethin'

it won't

Here in the dark

In these fnal hours

I will lay down my heart

And I feel

the power

But you won't

No, you won't

'Cause I can't

make you love me

If you don't

[Cheering]

I think it's clear.

We have a winner.

The $500 grand prize winner

this evening, ladies and gentlemen,

is Suzi Loomis.

As if... As if

I have to tell you,

Suzi, you now qualify

to sing in Omaha...

on Saturday night

for $5,000.

Here you go, darlin'.

Congratulations.

Let's hear it. Suzi Loomis,

ladies and gentlemen.

[Cheering, Applause]

- You were really great.

- Not too shabby, huh?

Way to go, baby. Let's not forget

our agreement, huh?

- I mean, a deal's a deal. Come on!

- No, no, no, no, no.

I think you should just leave it alone,

all right?

- [Beeping]

- That's Mr. And Mrs. Dean?

Mr. And Miss.

We're here

for the contest.

That reservation was

for one room or two?

- Two rooms.

- Adjoining, if possible.

Oh, I'm sure that

can be arranged.

Great.

I'll register you in. Don't worry.

I won't cramp your style.

What's this?

[Sighing]

It's the end of the road.

They got karaoke?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, this hotel has

a mileage upgrade offer.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- You do it.

- Okay.

Will you look at this place?

We could be anywhere.

- Yeah, I guess we could. Hi.

- Hello.

Oh, I'm sorry. We're not

accepting this right now.

But we do accept

all major credit cards.

- Hey.

- Huh?

- Get a room like everybody else.

- What do you think?

- You're funny.

- I am? Why?

- Because I make you nervous.

- No, you don't.

You act

like I do.

I wanted to be a ballerina,

did you know that?

[Sighs] But Donna had her heart set

on us working side by side.

She never really said so,

but I could tell.

You always refer to your mom

by her frst name?

Only since we started

working at the Dunes,

because she said that me calling

her "mom" made her feel old.

She used to talk

about you a lot, you know.

Did you

ever miss her?

I don't know.

I suppose so.

Well, she could not

sing at all. [Chuckles]

But I used to love it

when she would,

and she would always sing

the same song over and over...

like a broken record.

And, uh,

it went, like...

You're gonna

fly away

Glad you're

goin' my way

I love it when

we're cruisin' together

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