Dumb & Dumber Page #3

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They're on the floor.

Just get one of...

- Jeez, Lloyd!

- Quit moving around!

Huh! What...

Sh*t!

- Watch the seat! Watch the seat!

- Okay!

All right!

Ahh...

Ahh...

- Uh-oh.

- What? What's wrong?

The bottle's almost full

and I'm still going.

- So stop going.

- I can't stop going once I've started.

It stings.

Quick! Get me

another bottle.

- What?

- Come on.

Hurry hurry hurry

hurry hurry hurry!

Come on! Come on!

Okay okay, here

here here. Hold it!

- Hold that.

- Jesus.

Hold that one.

Hurry.

I'm pinching it.

What are you,

a camel?

Pull over!

- Huh?

- Pull over!

No, it's a cardigan,

but thanks for noticing.

Yeah.

Killer boots, man!

Pull your vehicle

to the side of the road!

License and registration,

please.

You fellas were going a little fast back

there, wouldn't you say?

You, uh...

you fellas been doing

a bit of boozing,

have you?

Sucking back on Grandpa's

old cough medicine?

No. Oh no, sir.

- No no no.

- No, huh-uh.

Yeah, well,

what's that?

- That's nothing, sir.

- Yeah, nothing.

Yeah well, you aware that

it's against the law

to have an open

alcohol container

here in the State

of Pennsylvania?

Come on,

give me that booze,

you little pumpkin-pie-

haircutted freak!

Come on!

Sir, no, I-I...

No, sir, don't.

Don't drink...

You'd keep

your mouth shut

if you knew what was

good for you, buddy.

Harry:

Tic Tac, sir?

Get the hell

outta here!

Mary:
How could they not

have gotten the ransom?

It just doesn't

make sense.

I left the money exactly where they

instructed me to.

Woman:
Oh, it makes

perfect sense, Mary.

We should have called

the authorities

the minute we knew

that Bobby was kidnapped.

Now, Helen, we've been

through this already.

- Mr. Andre.

- Nicholas.

- Karl.

- Nick Nick Nick.

Any word yet, sir?

No, nothing yet,

Nicholas.

I've been giving this

a lot of thought.

Maybe we should cancel

the preservation benefit

this weekend.

It would be so easy

to reschedule it.

No, I don't think we should do anything

out of the ordinary.

Yeah, she's right. It's imperative that we

carry on as usual...

- Okay.

... especially you, Mary.

What am I

supposed to do,

just go about my life

like everything is fine?

That's exactly

what you should do.

Yes, go skiing, go to parties,

act normally, you know.

Yeah, don't you see,

honey?

We can't let on

that anything's wrong.

If the press or the authorities

get wind of this,

the kidnappers

may panic.

Mm. I mean,

you never know

what they might

do to him then.

# I saw her sitting

in the rain #

# Raindrops

falling on her #

# She didn't seem to care #

# She sat there

and smiled at me #

- # Then I knew #

- # I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew #

- # She could make me happy #

- # Happy happy #

# She could make me

very happy... #

# Flowers in her hair #

# Flowers everywhere #

# I love

the flower-girl #

# Oh, I don't know

just why #

# She simply

caught my eye #

# I love

the flower-girl... #

So he says,

"Do you love me?"

And she says, "No, but that's

a real nice ski mask. "

Hey, man,

what's that?

# I knew I had to

say hello #

# Hello hello #

# She smiled up at me #

# And she took my hand #

# And we walked through

the park alone #

# And I knew #

# I knew, I knew,

I knew, I knew #

# She had made me

happy... #

Whoo!

# Happy happy,

she had made me very happy #

# Flowers in her hair... #

Ahh...

eh?

Aah!

- # Suddenly, the sun broke through #

- # See the sun #

- # I turned around, she was gone #

- # Where did she go? #

Oh! Oh!

# Flowers in her hair #

# Flowers everywhere #

# I love

the flower-girl #

# Was she reality #

# Or just a dream

to me? #

# I love

the flower-girl #

# Her love showed me the way... #

# To find a sunny day. #

Whoa!

You want me

to drive?

No, I'm cool.

Yeah!

Get her!

Ohh.

This is the life...

cold beer, a hot tub

and paper-thin walls.

There's only one thing that could make this

moment any better.

What's that?

If you had a nice set

of knockers.

That's two things, Lloyd.

Yeah, well, it's a good thing you're not

stacked, Harry,

or I'd be banging you

right now.

I'd show you what

a real man can do.

Split you like an

old piece of firewood.

You'd probably like it too,

you big homo.

Shut up.

Don't tell me

to shut up, woman.

I don't know, Lloyd.

You know,

this place doesn't

really do it for me.

It brings back

a lot of memories.

Pour quoi?

It was a few years ago.

What happened, Harry?

Some little filly break your heart?

No, it was a girl.

- Oh.

- Fraida Felcher.

Yeah, we stayed in a place

just like this.

Wasn't this classy,

but, you know, nice.

Felcher?

From Cranston?

Yeah.

You know her?

Oh, yeah!

I mean,

I remember you...

talking about her.

We had the most incredibly

romantic time.

I thought we were gonna be

together forever,

and then about a week later,

right out of the blue,

she sends me

a John Deere letter.

- She give you any reason?

- Yeah, I called her up.

She gave me

a bunch of crap

about me not listening to her

enough or something.

I don't know.

I wasn't really paying attention.

But the thing

that hurt the most

is I think she was

seeing another guy.

Never did

find out who.

Mental:
Mr. Andre, guess who

we just happened upon?

- Yeah.

- Man:
I had plans.

- Things I wanted to do.

- Yeah.

This is where it all ends...

at a phone booth.

Yeah. The boys are holed up

in a little love-nest

for the night.

I think they're

a little bit strange.

What the hell are

these guys up to?

I mean, is it possible

that they could be feds?

Highly unlikely

from what I've seen.

Sir, did you

ever hear

of the concept

of other people?

Um... me being that

for the phone,

sir.

Oh, you turned

your back on me.

Ho ho ho!

He got me mad. I almost like it.

You and Shay were

supposed to grab that bag

- so we could end this sh*t!

- Here's your drink, baby.

Do you know the damage

I could do to you?

Hold on a minute.

Hmm.

But that's not

your problem.

You didn't know.

Get off

the phone.

Get off the pho...

I'm sorry, Mr. Andre.

You were saying?

Look, Mental,

these jokers have got a lot of money

and it belongs to me!

Now, I want to know who they are

and what they're doing with it!

Hey hey hey, I told you already.

I'm on it.

- All right?

- Good.

Harry:

According to the map,

we've only gone

about four inches.

You know,

I don't think

we have enough

gas money.

Relax. We have

more than enough.

I think

you're wrong, Lloyd.

How much

you wanna bet?

I don't bet.

What do you mean,

you don't bet?

I mean I don't bet.

I don't gamble.

P*ssy p*ssy p*ssy!

- I never have, and I never will.

- Yeah, right!

I'll bet you 20 bucks

I can get you gambling

- before the end of the day.

- No way.

- I'll give you 3-to-1 odds.

- Nope.

- 5-to-1?

- Nope.

- 10-to-1?

- You're on.

I'm going

to get you.

- Huh-uh.

- Oh, yeah.

I don't know how,

but I'm going to get you.

- Yeah. Oh, yeah.

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