Dumb & Dumber Page #5

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More flags over here!

All right,

any sign of them yet?

No, sir, but we're

expecting them shortly.

A motorist saw a pooch about 30 miles

back headed this way.

Look, I told you what happened, okay?

So just drop it.

Yeah, okay. Sure thing, Lloyd.

Sure thing.

I promise not

to mention another word

about you being

in a bathroom

with a 6'4" trucker

with his pants down.

Hey, look.

We're almost in Colorado.

What do you say

we change seats?

I've been driving

for nine straight hours.

I don't have the energy

to start a new state.

Why should I do you

any favors?

I'll let you kiss me.

I swear...

I'm gonna...

I will take your...

I'm... I swear to God

I'm gonna take your...

- Aw, come on...

- Don't touch me.

Oh, okay.

I'm done.

Okay, enough.

Hey, guys.

Whoa, Big Gulps, huh?

All right.

Well, see you later.

Hey, Harry,

I got some beef jerk...

Some people just weren't cut out

for life on the road.

# Here you go,

way too fast #

# Don't slow down,

you're gonna crash #

# You should watch,

watch your step #

# Don't look out,

gonna break your neck #

# So shut,

shut your mouth #

# 'Cause I'm not

listening anyhow #

# I've had enough,

enough of you #

# Enough to last

a lifetime through #

# With you #

# You. #

Hey!

I was wondering when

you were gonna get up.

Ha!

Well, how long

have I been out?

I'd say

a good five hours.

Huh! I expected

the Rocky Mountains

to be a little

rockier than this.

I was thinking

the same thing.

That John Denver's

full of sh*t, man.

I'm only human, Harry!

Anybody can

make a mistake.

Come on,

stop being a baby!

So we backtracked

a tad!

A tad?!

A tad, Lloyd?

You drove almost

across the country

in the wrong direction!

Now we don't have enough money

to get to Aspen!

We don't have enough

money to get home!

We don't have enough

money to eat!

We don't have enough

money to sleep!

Well, it's not gonna

do us any good

to sit here

whining about it.

We're in a hole.

We're just going to have to

dig ourselves out.

Okay, all right.

You're right.

You're absolutely

right, Lloyd.

- # Mmm mmm mmm mmm #

- Where're you going?

- # Mmm mmm mmm mmm #

- Home. I'm walking home.

Oh, well, pardon me,

Mr. Perfect!

I guess I forgot

that you never,

ever make a mistake!

Lloyd:
Harry!

Harry!

Harry!

Wait up!

Got room for one more

if you still want to go to Aspen.

Where did you

find that?

Some kid

back in town.

Traded the van for it

straight up.

I can get 70 miles

to the gallon on this hog.

You know, Lloyd,

just when I think

you couldn't possibly

be any dumber,

you go and do

something like this...

and totally

redeem yourself!

Ha ha!

- Still wanna go to Aspen?

- Oh, yeah!

- Okay, let's go, buddy!

- Super!

- Lloyd, no! West! Go west, Lloyd!

- Oh! Oh, yeah.

# Hey, Monday morning #

# Is only for the brave #

# And the blood flows

through my heart and veins #

# Like sand as I shave #

# And the wind outside #

# And the taxi's ready... #

# And the lonesome hum #

# That comes

from my desk lamp #

# Is where I find

my heaven #

# It's where I find

my heaven... #

I've got to...

I've got to stop

to go to

the bathroom.

Just go, man.

Oh!

That sure is warm.

# It's where I find

my heaven #

- # It's where I find my heaven #

- # Where I find my... #

# It's where I find

my heaven... #

# Heav... #

# Heaven. #

We're there.

Got a little nippy

going through

the pass back there.

Lloyd:

Isn't this incredible?

- What more could two single guys want?

- How about some food?

I swallowed a big June bug

when we were driving.

I'm not

really hungry.

Well, I'm starving.

Ho... Jeez, look at

the butt on that.

Lloyd:
Yeah.

He must work out.

Hey! Why don't we get busy

and deliver

the briefcase to Mary?

If I know her as well

as I think I do

she'll invite us right in

for tea and strumpets.

Good plan.

Where does she live?

I don't know.

What's her last name?

I'll look it up.

Uh...

You know, I don't

really recall.

Starts with an "S."

S- swim, Swamie,

S- slippy, Slappy,

Slimin, Solmon,

Simin, Sal,

Swenson, Swanson?

Maybe it's on

the briefcase.

Oh, yeah!

It's right here.

Samsonite!

I was way off.

I knew it started

with an "S" though.

I'm not seeing

it here, Lloyd.

She must be unlisted.

Great.

So what are we

supposed to do now?

I can't feel my fi-fingers anymore.

They're-they're-

they're numb.

Ooh. Maybe you should

wear these extra gloves.

My hands are starting

to get sweaty.

Extra gloves?

You've had this pair

of extra gloves

this whole time?

Yeah. We're in

the Rockies.

I'm going to kill you.

- What?

- I'm gonna kill you!

- I'm gonna kill you, Lloyd!

- Calm down!

Right now,

I'm gonna kill you!

Harry, you got that crazy look

in your eye!

I know what I'm going to do.

- What are you doing?

- I'm going to do something

I should have done

a long time ago.

Don't do anything

foolish, Harry!

What? Foolish?

This isn't foolish!

I'm going to toss

this damn curse

right into

that damn pond!

Aah!

- I'm going to do it!

- No, Harry!

Harry!

Your hands

are freezing!

Aah! Ugh!

Harry, look!

Look! Look!

Okay, here's the plan:

We borrow a few bucks...

just a small loan from the briefcase

- and we find some reasonable lodgings.

- Good plan.

And we'll keep track of all the money

we spend with IOUs.

We'll be meticulous,

right down to the last penny.

- Whatever we borrow, we pay back.

- Absolutely.

- We're good for it.

- Our word is our bond.

This is

the Hotel Danbury

Presidential Suite,

gentlemen,

normally reserved

for royalty,

visiting dignitaries,

illustrious stars

of stage and screen.

We have shortly coming the Emperor

and Empress of Japan,

and of course, Princess Charles and Di

when they were together

used to frequent

the hotel constantly.

We'll take it!

# I believe

in miracles, baby #

# Since you came along,

you sexy thing #

# You sexy thing, you #

# I believe

in miracles, baby #

# Since you came along #

- # You sexy thing #

- # You sexy thing, you... #

There you go.

- There you go.

- Thank you, sir.

There you go.

Hi.

Narrator on TV:

Rain brought them to him.

Girl on TV:

My mother was Sarah Carver.

Narrator:

Although at the time, he wasn't sure

he wanted to accept the gift.

Girl on TV:

Nick, do you think he'll let us stay?

Nick on TV:

No, this place is ugly, anyway.

You and me,

we're a family.

Man:

I promise never to give you away.

And no one's

ever going to break us apart.

At Pacific Bell, we believe

that's pretty special.

- Wow! Boy, this is livin', huh?

- Yeah.

- What's on next?

- I don't know.

Let me look it up.

Ah!

Lloyd, you okay?

Harry, it's Mary!

It's who?

Mary with

the briefcase.

Mary Swanson.

Swanson!

- Wool hast anool...

- "Host annual. "

- Host anewl... annual...

- Annual.

"Annual meeting of... "

t- t-t-heh...

t- he... t-he...

- The.

- Oh.

- "The Inter... "

- Yeah. It's a big one.

"International Preservation Society

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