Dumb & Dumber Page #7

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at 10:
00 sharp.

- Okay.

- Okay.

Where're you going

in that get-up?

Oh. L... you know, I just thought,

you know,

when you'd be off making

your love connection

I'd be out trying my luck

on the slopes.

You mean you're gonna

go out in public

dressed in tights?

Oh no, these aren't

tights, Lloyd.

These are fashionable

Euro-trash ski trousers.

Pretty revealing.

Really?

Yeah, but it's

just a tiny lump.

No one'll notice.

You're right.

I can't go out dressed like this.

# Rah! #

- # I've got a New Age girl #

- # Tell us what she's like #

- # Environmentalist girl #

- # Does she ride a bike? #

- # She has a crystal necklace... #

- Hey!

- Coming!

- # She spend a lot of cash? #

# Though her vibes

are rather reckless #

- # Heading for the crash... #

- Hey!

Man:

Nice going, buddy!

#... and she wonders about knowing,

where did we begin? #

# Mary Moon #

- # She's a vegetarian #

- # Mary Moon, Mary Moon, Mary Moon #

# Mary Moon will help with all

the septuagenarians... #

- # Mary Moon, Mary Moon, Mary Moon.

- Ma'am.

# Mary Moon,

she's an intellectual... #

Beautiful outfit,

sir.

There you go.

# Mary Moon, despite that fact,

remains quite sexual #

# Mary Moon, Mary Moon,

Mary Moon. #

Hey.

How you doin'?

You're a little early.

We don't open

for about 45 minutes.

I'm meeting

someone here.

- Mind if I wait at the bar?

- No. Come on in.

It's a beautiful day,

huh, Harry?

Yes yes, I've had a wonderful time

so far. Thank you.

God, it feels

so good to get up here.

I haven't been outside that much

in the last couple weeks.

Oh, yeah?

Why not?

Um, there's been

some family problems,

but I don't want

to bore you with those.

Thanks.

Oh, look. Frost.

Harry?

- Are you okay?

- Oh, yeah,

I do this all the time.

Let's go to the top

this time.

- Hi, there.

- Ugh...

Say, kids,

you wouldn't

happen to have

a cup of warm water,

would you?

Yuck.

Excuse me.

Is it 10:
00 A.M. Yet?

It's 1:
00.

That's what I have too.

Thought maybe it was fast.

She's running late,

huh?

Just a couple hours.

You know girls.

When they're excited

about something,

everything has to

be perfect.

This one's on me.

Yippee.

Chablis, please.

Hello.

Bad day, huh?

Me too.

'Course everything's

been bad

since I broke up

with my boyfriend.

Oh my God.

My God! You poor guy.

Does it hurt?

I'm fine. I saved

a seat for you.

Oh no, listen. This is silly.

Let me help you.

No no no no no.

Yes. It'll only hurt for a moment,

like a Band-Aid.

- Come on, ready?

- No no no no. No.

Come on. Go.

# Well, if you want,

I'll be by your side #

# And if you don't,

maybe suicide #

# It's my love

that'd kill me, dear #

# If you won't hold me

and have me near #

# 'Cause I'll be good

to you in every way #

# I'll give you loving,

baby, every day #

# A loving that's good enough,

a loving that's all right #

# I'll love you like an oven

on the coldest night #

# Whoo! #

# 'Cause if you don't love me,

I'll kill myself #

# If you don't love me,

I'll kill myself #

# If you don't love me,

I'll kill myself #

# If you don't love me,

I'll kill myself #

Come on, come on.

# If you don't love me. #

Pfft.

What am...

I said to myself,

"Run, Beth.

Run for your life before this man

kills you both. "

Then do you know

what the klutz did?

No, and I don't care!

I'm going to tell you, He came home

one night dead drunk

and decided he wanted

to fix the sink.

Couldn't believe him.

Anyway, enough about me.

Let's talk about you.

- How come you're here?

- Bartender!

Yeah?

You wouldn't happen to know

a Mary Swanson, would you?

Mary Swanson? Yeah.

She comes in here

all the time.

What's that

supposed to mean?

She has dinner.

Oh. I'm sorry.

Uh...

you know where

she lives?

Yeah, her family has the big place

up on Alpine Drive.

Alpine Drive?

Big place?

No way!

That's great!

We landed

on the moon!

I've gotta tell you,

today was just what I needed.

Thanks a lot, Harry.

Blell, blit blas...

it was my pleasure,

Mary.

So you'll pick me up

tonight at 7:
45?

Well, no, I've got

a few things

to take care of first.

Why don't we make it

quarter to 8:
00?

Stop it!

Okay 7:
45.

Bye.

Doesn't make

any sense, Lloyd.

She told me

Are you sure you went

to the right bar?

Oh, yeah. Yep.

I'm pretty sure.

Lobby bar.

Right in the lobby.

Ahh... well...

maybe she just had

a change of heart.

Oh, that pisses me off!

That pisses me right off!

I hate when women

do that, you know?

She wanted

to see you again!

She told me that!

And now no?

Now... wait a minute!

Wait!

She must have meant

Do you think?

Why would she have you meet her

at a bar at 10:
00 in the morning?

I just figured she was

a raging alcoholic.

- Oh, that's th...

- And all this time,

I've been going through such pain

and personal anguish.

Such hell!

For nothing!

Oh, God.

That's funny.

Oh, that's good stuff.

Oh, boy.

Well, listen, looks like

you got your night planned,

so I'm just going to head out

and catch a flick.

Okay.

Hey, Harry,

old buddy, old pal!

Yeah?

Will you join me in a good-luck toast

before you head out?

Oh, sure thing. Whatever you think

will help your chances.

Yes, sirree.

You know why

I like you, Harry?

Because you're

a regular guy.

Yep, that's why I want you

to stay regular.

effective relief.

Mmm!

To my friend Harry...

the matchmaker.

Oh, get out of here.

I'm... I've...

Mmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mmm.

Mary:
Hi, the door's open.

Come on upstairs.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Hi, make yourself

at home, okay?

I'm almost ready.

One minute?

- Okay, sounds good.

- Okay.

Mary:
Harry, are you

in there?

Be right out!

I hope you're not using the toilet.

It's broken.

- Huh?

- The toilet doesn't flush.

No, I was

just shaving.

Shaving?

Yeah, I was running

a little late.

I thought this

would save some time.

Okay well, I'll be in the kitchen

whenever you're ready.

Oh, Jeez!

Tomorrow on

"A Current Affair,"

inside the home of the Menendez

brothers' attorney.

And next, we'll be

back in a minute

with the heartbreaking story

of the blind Rhode Island boy

who was duped into

buying a dead parakeet.

I just thought

he was real quiet.

Who are these

sick people?

- Hi!

- Hi.

Yes?

Remember me?

Uh... not really.

Providen...

Providence.

I drove you

to the airport last week.

Oh my God!

Uh... Lloyd, right?

You remembered

my name.

What are you doing

in Aspen?

I brought you

your briefcase.

You left it at the airport,

you big goof!

- You have my briefcase?

- Yeah.

Hey, I have it

at my hotel room.

You want to jump on the bike with me?

We can go get it

unless...

unless you're busy.

Oh, no no no!

No no!

- I don't wanna...

- You just wait right here.

- Okay.

- Okay?

Come on, flush,

you bastard!

Mary:
Harry, what are

you doing in there?

I'm just... I'm cleaning my teeth!

I'm cleaning my teeth.

I'm gargling.

Just give me a minute, Mary.

I'll be right with you.

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