Dumb And Dumber Page #6

Good plan. Where does she live?

I don't know.

What's her last name? I'll look it up.

Uh...

You know, I don't really recall.

Starts with an "S."

S-swim, Swamie, S-slippy, Slappy, Slimin, Solmon, Simin, Sal, Swenson, Swanson?

Maybe it's on the briefcase.

Oh, yeah! It's right here.

Samsonite! I was way off.

I knew it started with an "S" though.

I'm not seeing it here, Lloyd.

She must be unlisted.

Great.

So what are we supposed to do now?

(fox howls)

- I can't feel my fi-fingers anymore. (wind whistling)

They're-they're- they're numb.

Ooh. Maybe you should wear these extra gloves.

My hands are starting to get sweaty.

Extra gloves?

You've had this pair of extra gloves this whole time?

Yeah. We're in the Rockies.

I'm going to kill you.

What? I'm gonna kill you!

I'm gonna kill you, Lloyd! Calm down!

Right now, I'm gonna kill you!

Harry, you got that crazy look in your eye!

(chuckles) I know what I'm going to do.

- What are you doing? I'm going to do something I should have done a long time ago.

Don't do anything foolish, Harry!

What? Foolish? This isn't foolish!

I'm going to toss this damn curse right into that damn pond!

Aah!

I'm going to do it! No, Harry!

(screams) Harry!

Your hands are freezing!

Aah! Ugh!

Harry, look!

Look! Look!

Okay, here's the plan:

We borrow a few bucks... just a small loan from the briefcase and we find some reasonable lodgings. Good plan.

And we'll keep track of all the money we spend with IOUs.

We'll be meticulous, right down to the last penny.

Whatever we borrow, we pay back. Absolutely.

We're good for it. Our word is our bond.

This is the Hotel Danbury Presidential Suite, gentlemen, normally reserved for royalty, visiting dignitaries, illustrious stars of stage and screen.

We have shortly coming the Emperor and Empress of Japan, and of course, Princess Charles and Di when they were together used to frequent the hotel constantly.

We'll take it!

- (engine revs) ("You Sexy Thing" playing)

# I believe in miracles, baby #

# Since you came along, you sexy thing #

# You sexy thing, you #

# I believe in miracles, baby #

# Since you came along #

- # You sexy thing # # You sexy thing, you... #

There you go.

There you go. Thank you, sir.

There you go. Thank you, sir.

There you go. Thank you, sir.

There you go.

Hi.

(both sobbing)

Narrator on TV:
Rain brought them to him.

Girl on TV:
My mother was Sarah Carver.

Narrator:
Although at the time, he wasn't sure he wanted to accept the gift.

Girl on TV:
Nick, do you think he'll let us stay?

Nick on TV:
No, this place is ugly, anyway.

You and me, we're a family.

Man:
I promise never to give you away.

And no one's ever going to break us apart.

At Pacific Bell, we believe that's pretty special.

Wow! Boy, this is livin', huh? Yeah.

Wow! Boy, this is livin', huh? Yeah.

What's on next? I don't know.

Let me look it up.

Ah!

Lloyd, you okay?

Harry, it's Mary!

It's who?

Mary with the briefcase.

Mary Swanson.

Swanson!

Wool hast anool... "Host annual."

Host anewl... annual... Annual.

"Annual meeting of..." t-t-t-heh... t-he... t-he...

The. Oh.

"The Inter..." (sighs) Yeah. It's a big one.

"International Preservation Society tomorrow night."

("Oh, Pretty Woman" playing)

Well, come on, Cinderella.

We've got to get you ready for the ball!

# Pretty woman, walking down the street #

# Pretty woman, the kind I like to meet #

# Pretty woman #

# I don't believe you, you're not the truth #

# No one could look as good as you... #

- (grinding) # Mercy! #

# Pretty woman, won't you pardon me? #

# Pretty woman, I couldn't help but see #

# Pretty woman #

# That you look lovely as can be #

# Are you lonely just like me? #

(singer growls)

# Pretty woman, stop awhile #

# Pretty woman, talk awhile #

# Pretty woman, give your smile to me #

# Pretty woman, yeah yeah yeah #

- (scissors snipping) # Pretty woman, look my way #

# Pretty woman, say you'll stay with me... #

# 'Cause I need you #

- # I'll treat you right... # (loud buzzing)

# Come with me, baby #

# Be mine tonight... #

Yeah!

# Pretty woman. #

(lounge music playing)

Thanks, Barn. There you go.

Thank you, sir.

Okay okay okay.

Ha! Cripes!

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Agh!

Time out! Okay.

Excuse me. Gentlemen, this is a $500-a-plate dinner.

Good night. Oh, 500... oh, okay. No problem.

Here. Put us down for... put us down for four.

In case we want seconds.

(inhales sharply)

Jesus Christ. It's them.

Them who? Them, the guys who whacked Mental.

Can't you just feel it, Harry?

This is our big chance, man.

All we gotta do is show a little class, a little sophistication, and we're in like a dirty shirt.

That's no problem, Lloyd. We can be classy and sophistic... oh, look at the funbags on that hosehound.

I'd like to eat her liver with some fava beans and a nice bottle of Chianti.

(both mimic Hannibal Lecter)

Come on, let's go get a couple bowls of loudmouth soup.

Yeah.

Hey, bartender, two martinis, please. Yes, sir. Right away.

Nicholas:
Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention, please?

The Aspen Preservation Society is the world's foremost defender of 23 endangered species, and it is with tremendous honor that we're able to bring Mr. Swanson forward to introduce us to the 24th. Everybody...

Karl.

Thank you, Nick.

Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Icelandic snow owl.

(drum roll)

(cymbals crash)

(applause)

These magnificent specimens constitute one seventh of the snow owl population left on the planet.

And God willing, with your help and that of the Society's, these wonderful creatures will flourish once more.

Thank you again and enjoy your evening.

Can I have some pistachios, please?

And another one of those.

Lloyd, what are you doing? Would you calm down?

I've never seen you so nervous.

Keep an eye on 'em, Shay. Keep a close eye.

I'm ready for a commitment, Harry.

The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson, I just got that old-fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone her.

That's a special feeling, Lloyd.

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh my, there she is.

Wow! You weren't kidding, Lloyd.

She's an angel! (whistles)

Well, what are you waiting for?

Get over there and talk to her.

She's just going to think I'm some kind of a psycho when she finds out how far I came just to see her!

You know what you have?! Her briefcase!

She's gonna be thrilled to see you.

Wait. I have an idea.

Why don't you go over and introduce yourself?

And that way, you can build me up so I won't have to brag about myself later.

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